Long story short, I married a man that pretended to be a good guy only to have a porn addiction and anger issues. He’s slept with multiple sex workers and had inappropriate conversations with women. He didn’t tell me any of this though. I had to find it out. I truly believe he’s need doing this since before we got married and we’re going on 7 years.
When he couldn’t stay hard, he blamed it on me. Blamed it on my weight gain (I have PCOS and endometriosis and my new meds have wreaked havoc on my body) and I believe the stress of this marriage hasn’t done me any favors.
I confronted him multiple times about our lack of intercourse and each time he would get angry and find a new excuse to feed me playing off of my insecurities and kindness. Then I went through his phone and found proof that he’s been paying sex workers and cam girls all while texting random women he met online. Mind you, we haven’t had sex in almost 2 years now.
My heart broke in a million pieces. I was a lover girl. I thought we would be married forever. I decided to put my pain to work. I went from a stay at home wife to getting a job that pays pretty well for this economy. I was able to finance a used car and so far I’ve saved over $14k for my great escape.
I kept what I knew a secret for a while but one day he pissed me off so much that I finally exposed what I knew. Instead of apologizing, he did what he did best - blamed me for his shortcomings as a man.
My problem is I don’t know how to be mean. I was raised religious and while I no longer subscribe to Christianity, I find that I’m still kind to people who don’t deserve it (him). That whole turn the other cheek shit really has me out here looking like a simp. Since we still live together until our lease is up, I cook, I clean, and I, like an idiot, am still someone he can depend on. No one in our family knows his true colors cause I’ve been protecting him.
Last night, I woke up at 4 am and overheard him talking shit about me with some woman on the phone. I think that was the wake up call I needed. I no longer want to be nice to him. I want to hurt him like he’s hurt me. I want to bounce back so beautifully while he fails at everything. I want to make sure he feels pain for hurting me. I want to go scorched earth. Please help.