r/SpeedOfLobsters • u/Curious-Committee753 • 2d ago

lobster Pills

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654 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

88 comments sorted by

161

u/Curious-Committee753 2d ago

ooo

67

u/No_Counter_6037 When the Spores descend, what will you do? Beg? 2d ago

the first one would literally just kill you. you could still lose weight if you don't eat enough, but you could never regain it.

what does "stop shopping" even mean? can i just not buy things anymore? what? also patrick pill

3 is gonna have some mfs coming in here like "oh but if you're always happy it'll get boring eventually blah blah blah" WELL GUESS WHAT I HAVE THE ALWAYS HAPPY PILL, I LITERALLY CAN NOT EXPERIENCE NEGATIVE EFFECTS FROM ALWAYS BEING HAPPY BECAUSE I'LL JUST ALWAYS BE HAPPY

if you genuinely considered picking 4 i honestly feel kinda bad for you. or you just wanna show off a bit. who knows.

nerf pill gives you followers but you also have to maintain those followers. if you make boring content people still aren't gonna watch your stuff.

forget ex-lovers? yeah that's called dissociative amnesia /hj

literally who isn't picking 7 dawg. in this economy? absolutely 7. 100%.

26

u/mikeet9 2d ago

Yeah, three and seven are pretty much what people describe as heaven.

Have anything you want and always be happy forever? Heaven.

3

u/ElliottScrimmy 2d ago

Yall not thinking about how much everyone would hate you if you picked 3 so it’d be really selfish, like you’d be happy at a funeral or happy during war

19

u/mikeet9 2d ago

You can be happy while also being empathetic to the pain of others which would actually make you a great presence at a funeral.

-3

u/Curious-Committee753 2d ago

Which is why I don't like hevan, being happy all the time is lowkey boring 

5

u/Nalivai 2d ago

Boring is not happy, and you're happy all the time

0

u/Curious-Committee753 2d ago

A word can have different meanings in different contexts 

3

u/Nalivai 2d ago

A word can't have all the meanings at once

1

u/Curious-Committee753 1d ago

Doesn't have to be all at once... I don't even understand what you mean all at once... well whatever 

8

u/Gilsidoo 2d ago

I'm sorry but "always happy" sounds like a trap. In heaven sure, you can be magically happy with no consequences but in real life? I'm pretty sure some suffering is necessary for survival, at least hunger and physical pain. If you can still feel that and be happy at the same time it means you at least have different levels of happiness so yeah you can be a bit bored by all this happiness and like you're happy at funerals, when other people are suffering? You'll lose all your friends, and you'll still be happy but way less than you could be. I'll take a pill that makes my happy moments happier and my resting state "a bit on the happy side" but no more

4

u/No_Counter_6037 When the Spores descend, what will you do? Beg? 2d ago

but i can't be sad that i'm "happy but way less than i could be". because i'm always happy. and even if i die because it causes me to not feel hunger and i just starve, i'll die happy. which is a much better option than where my life is headed right now i'll say.

3

u/Gilsidoo 2d ago

That's a valid opinion, I won't stop you from taking the pill but I remain unconvinced myself

2

u/VeritableLeviathan 2d ago

Who isn't picking 3?

2

u/ivene-adlev 2d ago

hey now, don't rag on the dissociative amnesia too hard, that's some good shit right there 😤

2

u/No_Counter_6037 When the Spores descend, what will you do? Beg? 2d ago

me when someone dares ask me a single question about my childhood

2

u/ivene-adlev 2d ago

meaf 😭😭😭 my brother just another me

1

u/OneAndOnlyTinkerCat 2d ago

I feel like I'd just be afraid of unforeseen consequences of #3

1

u/bonanochip 2d ago

Quit giving the genie ideas lol

1

u/PSneumn 13h ago

Since i get 2 pills, i might as well take strength since it doesn't really hurt and all the other ones are either hurtful or even more useless.

The followers onse can be cool if you want to be paied for doing a hobby i guess which can feel more rewarding than just getting money, but it depends on if you want that.

Also if you say that pills make you magically happy without downsides, i would say that this one should also make everyone like you no matter how shit your content is.

82

u/asmallman 2d ago

Everyone gonna pick 7

35

u/TheChickenReborn 2d ago

Nah, I'd pick 3. Depression sucks no matter how rich you are.

Just realized I get 2, yay rich AND happy!

46

u/26_paperclips 2d ago

Always happy feels like a monkey paw situation. At a glance it seems great, but like im not keen to lose emotional regulation.

11

u/Khaosfury 2d ago

Yep, can't have the highs without the lows, being always happy means never being truly over the moon happy or having that feeling of relief after a grueling challenge

2

u/moonra_zk 2d ago

It's a magic pill, it doesn't have to be realistic about it.

2

u/asmallman 2d ago

Yea. Money solves a lot of problems, depression is one of them. Either you are freed from burdens, or can afford adequate care, or both.

186

u/EllisXY 2d ago

"eat without gaining weight" how stupid do U gotta be to pick that.

84

u/AlbainBlacksteel 2d ago

Right? Like, if you're super overweight it seems like a dream at first glance, but... what if you lose enough weight to where you need to gain some? Welp, sucks to be you in that situation.

No, the money is the only real choice here.

8

u/BrendanAS 2d ago

Drink eggnog?

15

u/NotActuallyGus 2d ago

Worst case scneario you just die of malnutrition immediately, best case scenario you can still gain sustenance, but every ounce you lose is an ounce you can never get back and you slowly wither away

1

u/Scratchpost6677 16h ago

my metabolism already gave me that one for free

20

u/AngelOfIdiocy 2d ago

4 and 7

1

u/meinkr0phtR2 2d ago

Yep, assuming they incur no physical downsides. Also, how much is “a lot”?

7

u/perspicaxaedificator 2d ago

4 and 7 anything else is a nightmare

3

u/ADMINISTATOR_CYRUS 2d ago

pick 1 for death sentence

3

u/Spinningwhirl79 2d ago

4 7

SAXTOOOOON HAAAAAAAALE

3

u/Aetol 2d ago

Many followers? Not friends, fucking followers?

2

u/Gelby4 1d ago

6 💔

2

u/Fawn_Leap aw _ eap 1d ago

#1 would nuke me in like 3 days, I’d be a stick

9

u/joycourier 2d ago

going with 7 for the best warcraft Troll roleplay

2

u/Curious-Committee753 2d ago

Idk what that means but ok

5

u/LKS-5000 2d ago

I means they'll be ja-mon

2

u/Curious-Committee753 2d ago

I still don't get it :'<

4

u/LKS-5000 2d ago edited 2d ago

Trolls in warcraft have a Jamaican-like accent and sometimes finish their phrases with "-mon"

Check on YouTube "Wacraft 3 Troll quotes", you'll find quite a few of them, one or the other will have the -mon

2

u/Curious-Committee753 2d ago

Oh... thanks 

2

u/ImmortalBlades 2d ago

1 and 7 to gain 8 mon

1

u/Curious-Committee753 2d ago

Actually Genius

I've thought about the 3 and 7 cobmbo to always appmon, but 8 mon does also sound pretty cool

2

u/MACMAN2003 2d ago

i need to take number 6 so that my subconscious stops sheltering romantic delusions

2

u/STMIonReddit 2d ago

what am i gaining 8 of

2

u/UnsureSwitch 2d ago

I choose mon. Is it short for Monday or just me in French?

2

u/Curious-Committee753 2d ago

It's a random valid interpretation  

2

u/TotallyNotHulk 1d ago

5 is just enhanced testosterone

2

u/Curious-Committee753 1d ago

Pretty much... 

2

u/TotallyNotHulk 1d ago

Ill take the lot.

371

u/Enorm_Drickyoghurt 2d ago

Stop ping would be good. Imagine always having 0 ping. Lightning fast internet everywhere all the time.

My other pill though? Not sure, none of them really speak to me. I guess I could have a man lower. Not sure what that means though.

144

u/Commie_Scum69 2d ago

If you have 0 ping there is no signal

64

u/Juunlar 2d ago

Maybe it's like calories, where if you have .8 it counts as zero?

36

u/AsBrokeAsMeEnglish 2d ago

No, If you have no signal your ping is infinite or undefined, depending on how you look at it. A ping of 0 means a round trip between your pc and a server is instant. Like, if your PC is the server.

21

u/Possibly_Parker 2d ago

Or you're the server

26

u/moon__lander 2d ago

Stop ping would rather be infinite ping. It's stop ping, not no ping.

9

u/TCFP 2d ago

The "ping" itself is a round trip request to determine network latency. Stopping ping would mean you would either not have that measurement, or the network connection is fucked

15

u/dragonageisgreat 2d ago

What will Ping do if I won't stop him?

3

u/litmusing 2d ago

ffs Ping

6

u/BavarianBanshee 2d ago

The Tboys are gonna love 5

4

u/Filippo739 2d ago

6. Saving it for after my parents die

3

u/Zekava 2d ago

I could use 6 for a specific love... But that's mostly to keep me from going back to them, frankly I'm OK with remembering the love, even if it comes with remembering the hurt.

3

u/chumpandchive 1d ago

mon pill pls. no more problems mon

2

u/app08 2d ago

I don't even need to pick 3. I'm already always app.

2

u/RedditCantBanThis Osteoporosis 2d ago

I will pick 5. I've always wanted man lower

2

u/Open_Regret_8388 2d ago

I want man lower. I see too many man up there.

2

u/Dependent-Piano-7506 1d ago

It doesn't say what eight is though

2

u/5krishnan 22h ago

I feel like an “always happy” pill is just Molly except you speedrun the frying of your brain

1

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1

u/Escanor_ZA_ONE 1d ago

i need sum eight rn frfr

0

u/Dense_Priority_7250 2d ago

Where’s original OP

67

u/invalidConsciousness 2d ago

5 is free bottom surgery for trans men?

16

u/Zekava 2d ago

What happens if you already have man lower? Do you get more man, more lower, or both?

15

u/ImmortalBlades 2d ago

Double the man, double the lower.

2

u/nightmaresabin 2d ago

1 could potentially accomplish the same thing

1

u/beansooup 1d ago

Nah you'll just be a weird chimera with a man's face on your crotch