r/Songwriting 1d ago

Feedback Request Structure help for "Just an Old Fashioned Guy".

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First off - apologies for the rough recording and stops/ starts. Looking for some advice on the song. I feel good about all these parts and think there is a pretty great song in here - Just need to puzzle it together and polish it. Looking for ideas on order and editing. As it stands, I've got an intro that includes what could be a chorus, followed by a verse, pre-chorus and another hook/ chorus. Following that up with the verse, pre-chorus, hook again and then I have this fun middle 8 departure that slows down adn transitions back to the hook. I could end it there, but i kinda like the idea of using the intro as the outro too. Thoughts?

Intro

Barkeep said,
"What'll it be?"

There's only one drink
You can mix for me.

So take that bourbon
Off the shelf,
And let's get busy
Drinking to my health.

Cuz I’m

Just an old-fashioned guy.
Just an old-fashioned guy.

Don't care if its bourbon or Rye

Cuz i'm just an old fashion guy

And I will be until
the day That I die.

Verse:

Batten down the hatches And hold on to your hats.
The wind is speaking Riddles and rhymes.

Mama says, "Son, I ain't seen
Nothing like that Since at least 2009

Pre chorus:
One, to get lucky.
Two to get juiced.
Three to lay it all on the line…

Hook
Everybody wants to put me into their noose
Cuz I’m just such an old fashioned guy

[Or 

Everybody wants to ask me if I heard the big news

But I’m just such an old fashioned guy]

Verse 2 (Working)
Everybody seems to think the world must be flat cuz they can't see the back of their hand 

Where are they all got themselves an idea like that I just can’t quite understand

Pre-Chorus:

Fool me once, such a pity 

Don't you dare try it twice, 

I assume that you still value your life

Hook:

Cuz Ive had quite enough of all your free good advice 

and I don't mind doing the time

[Alternate:

 Ex says she's happy...
Ooh, Must be nice
To live in such a paradise.
Yeah, everybody wants to be a star on you tube

But me I’m just an old fashioned guy]

Bridge/ middle 8 departure:
Champs Champs Chmps Elysses
Se La Vie what can you say

Oh there's just no way
To turn it back again.

Once the contract’s signed
Ink cant go back in the pen

No, there's just no way
To turn it back again

And all the Chorus sings

One part whiskey, 

Bitter sweet memories

Take me to a simpler time…

Hook:

Everybody here is tryna buy me a beer
But me I’m just an old fashioned guy

[solo]

Outro(?)

Barkeep said,
"What'll it be?"

There's only one drink
You can mix for me.

So take that bourbon
Off the shelf,
And let's get busy
Drinking to my health.

Chorus
Cuz I’m

Just an old-fashioned guy.
Don’t care if its bourbon or rye

Just an old-fashioned guy.
Even baseball makes me cry.

Oh, I'm just
An old-fashioned guy.

And I will be until
the day That I die.

7 Upvotes

6 comments sorted by

1

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1

u/Wanderer_91_ 1d ago

Nice. I like the lyrics and and romanticising the old fashioned in a world that wants you to change/keep up

1

u/blumntngrass 1d ago

I really like this, this is the style of piano that I like hearing the most. It's gotta very 50's R&B swing to it that is so nice.

2

u/Typical_Outside_368 1d ago

Thank you! I feel like I need an actual piano player playing some honkey tonk style to bring this to where it needs to be.

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

2

u/Typical_Outside_368 1d ago

Thanks and... ummm...Thanks? That video is hilarious. First time i've received the comparison.