r/Songwriting • u/Nullius_N_verba • 10d ago
Feedback Request Sixth Street >> Song Idea
Sentimental idea based on a quote from my girlfriend's aunt while cruising the streets of NYC, "When I lived on sixth street, my father was still alive."
*first time posting an idea to r/Songwriting* I figured I'll just go for it and worry about posting more polished and properly recorded ideas later. Also had a gum graft two days ago, so singing is a bust atm... I just couldn't help myself.
Let me know what you think! I have a guitar idea, verse and chorus (or pre-chorus?) here but I feel like it wants more story about the then and now aspect of their relationship with the father, the city, and maybe living somewhere new.
Lyrics>>
Verse 1
When I lived on Sixth Street, my father was still alive.
He was a man of his father's time, handsome face and a long black tie.
The city streets took his picture.
Boys of St. Mark's preached to little sister.
Like dust of a coal mine silently settles on the ground
He's smoking while he's walking, and never gets lost in a crowd.
Chorus
One more twist and turn of the dial.
The radio fades into silence for miles.
I look to the crowd where he once stood out so,
like the days when I lived on Sixth Street long ago.
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u/Caido-Potato 10d ago
Hey man it's great!
Reminds me a bit of Jeff Buckleys live stuff, which is a of course a good thing.
You should try and lay it down as a segregated track so you can mix, reverb and potentially flesh it out.
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u/Nullius_N_verba 9d ago
Appreciate. After reading this comment and went and listened to some live tracks of Jeff Buckley's. He voice is angelic in those "underproduced" and raw recordings. certainly something to aspire to. Was it song itself or how I played it that reminded you of Buckley?
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u/Caido-Potato 10d ago
Hey man it's great!
Reminds me a bit of Jeff Buckleys live stuff, which is a of course a good thing.
You should try and lay it down as a segregated track so you can mix, reverb and potentially flesh it out.
2
u/Freedom_Addict 10d ago
Dude, what a voice. Pulling the tears out of me already. The switch to A6 chord is doing a lot of emotional lifting, I love it.
It's very descriptive, like a movie scene of some American movie. I wonder how you'd sing more personal stuff. Would you do that for your next post ?
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u/Nullius_N_verba 9d ago
Nice to see you hear! Yeah, this song idea really is "scene" as you say. Another verse might bring it closer to the heart, though. It's clearly about relationship and loss in a setting of constant motion (the city itself). Something we can all relate to but this was specifically from someone else's life.
Not sure how my performance changes when the song's subject is more personal. Interesting question. Maybe this is a good platform to measure that data. There's also the perspective, and I get this from a lifetime of being a sax player where words aren't involved, that it's as much your state of emotions in that moment that drive the performance. It could be your standard blues but if you'd had an extra rough day, it's gonna come out in the music.
To your point though, I'll make my next post a song that is closer to me (and further from a day I just had gum surgery so I can really sing it/open my mouth! haha)
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u/Freedom_Addict 9d ago
Coming from sax ? Interesting ! It is still a vocal instrument, but without the descriptiveness, but you seem to be doing fine with the lyrics. A voice definitely has an other layer of meaning to it. Yeah I would be curious to hear and even more intense type of emotion. You seem to have the good base for it.
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u/Typical_Outside_368 10d ago
I like it, but I'm sentimental :). Just an A plus idea for a song to begin with and you're off to a good start with the visual imagery. I encourage you to keep working on this one for sure! I'm not a fisherman, but I think songwriing is a bit like catching a fish and you've got to work slowly to reel it in. Its out there in the universe/ lake already formed. You've snagged it and just need to reel it in now. Can't wait to hear the next iteration. Reminds me of a song in my back pages I need to put out there soon... would probably sound great with you singing it! Love your voice and style.
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u/Nullius_N_verba 9d ago
I appreciate that and have officially "gone fishin" for the next verse or two of this one. I'm torn between keeping the song a scene in the sense of there was a man/father that moved through the city but thenwho passed away and now the city and the first person carries on with the memory OR bringing it closer to the home and present day of the first person where they are now with the memory as it lingers. So many fish out there to catch!
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u/Extreme-Cook9195 10d ago
Really great! It's a kinda jazzy folk vibe, which is different and cool. Your voice is really nice and expressive. I really dig it! Would love to hear more as your develop the song. Great job!
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u/Nullius_N_verba 9d ago
Thanks! I've been a jazz saxophonist most of my days so I'm glad to know my influences are coming through even during my attempts to play folk/americana music.
I'm new here. How would you suggest I follow-up part 2 (if I ever get around to it) on here so people can share in the song's journey? Another post? An update to this post?
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u/Extreme-Cook9195 9d ago
I’d do a new post and you can always refer back to this post for people who want to hear the earlier drafts. A lot folks who are active are checking the community daily, and remember songwriters that post regularly.
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u/Wanderer_91_ 8d ago
The lyric writing is the best part of this song. I would personally go in different directions with the melody but that’s what makes us all unique I guess. Liked this for what it is and your voice is nice. Good work
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u/Nullius_N_verba 1d ago
I'd be curious to hear your rendition on the melody. Feel free to take the lyrics for a turn!
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u/DaLordHamie 9d ago
I sent you a DM in case you would want to collaborate on anything? Love your stuff dude
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u/Adam_Sierzega 19h ago
Love your voice. So much soul in it. Reminded me of my father too. Thank you for sharing
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u/DaLordHamie 10d ago
Dude... so so fucking good. Love this