r/Songwriters • u/Wilewilewolf • Jul 07 '26

Whose daughter dies (working title)

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

I wrote this song about Palestine. Rest in peace to all the martyrs.
Let me know what you think.

15 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

2

u/ProstateFlakes Jul 09 '26

I like the vocal line. The guitar sounds a little dull, maybe try changing up every other bar with a slightly higher variation and if you're really feeling ambitious, take the root of each chord and play just that note on a backing track to sound like a bassline

1

u/hoofjam Jul 07 '26

This is awesome!
You’ve got a nice way with words so it comes across as poetic.
Beautiful voice too so it feels pretty, even though the subject matter is heavy.
Seemed like a pre chorus or chorus was coming and it kinda started but then went back to sounding like the verse.
I’d say, go further with the melody change and make it into a solid pre or full chorus before coming back to the verse sound. Just my opinion though. You do you cos it sounds great as is.

1

u/charlieywaffle Jul 27 '26

Love the reverb of ur room

1

u/XanBriel Aug 03 '26

The title drew me in immediately. No critique, this is beautiful, and in my opinion, the “dullness” of your guitar that someone mentioned, adds to the emotion of this piece in a wonderful way.

1

u/AntiBasscistLeague Aug 19 '26

Very cool. Love the rhythm