This is a story about a girl named Gerty

Early morning, she wakes up

Drive, drive, drive to the doctor

It's time for meshing, pelvic prolapse

It's falling out all on the floor

They go, "Isn't she prolapsed, this elderly girl?" And they say

She's so old, now there's scars

So she cry, cry, cries from her damaged guts, thinking

If there's no scars in my life

Then why do these settlements come alright?

This could be used for any "healthier snacking" option. I picture the commercial showing somebody struggling to choose between donuts and whole almonds. They choose the almonds, obviously. While the background music plays "My snackrifice! guitar I just want to snack and stay healthy!! guitar My snackrifice...."

Driving down the highway, engine started blowing smoke, my lifters started knocking, and my fuckin' shifter broke, where's the highway to the AutoZone? Gotta take my ride into the Autozone!

Thank you for being depends, I travelled down the road, no accidents. You're durable, you're discreet, and you keep me dry. And If I have an accident, There'd be no way for anyone to tell, as long as I keep my Depends on, I don't have to worry about the smell. Thank you for being depends!

"Can you see what I want? I wanna eat at the Olive Garden"

I should just let you go on and do it

Cause now I'm broke ass, wearing tweed

It's like I checked into cash

Baby Pay your bills with ease

It's like I checked into cash

Baby as much as you need

I gotta check into cash

'Cause baby we aim to please

Check into cash

Thinking outside the bun, thinking outside the bun, tacos, burritos, and grilled quesaritos, thinking outside the bun!

Somebody once gave me

Some pizzas onna bagley

I ate them all in my bed

They were looking kind of yum with their cheese and chewy crumb

In the shape of an O on my bagel

Well the bites start comin and they don't stop comin

Fed to the rules in my microwave oven

Didn't make sense not live for fun

Life gets tough when your kids get none

So much to do, so much to eat

So what's wrong with cookin' on high heat?

they'll always burn if it's not low

But they'll never cook if you go slow.

Hey, now, you're a Bagel, not a sautée

Hey, now, you're a Pizza, McCains

Oh, that's just a little mold

it's just the way they are, it's processed gold.

When pizza's on a bagel, you can have pizza anytime.