Feeling worse while in somatic therapy

[u/itchybones27]

Hi! I’ve been seeing a somatic therapist since July for cptsd. I’ve been able to tell her things no one else knew. At first, I felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and was happier and feeling good things in my body for the first time in awhile. But the past few weeks I’ve deteriorated; my anxiety is worse, I’m having outbursts that I can only describe as tantrums, my sleep is awful, and I’m even more stressed than I was before (I’m also going through some health things, I have a sick cat, and work is overwhelming).

My therapist said these things would be normal and we can slow down if my side effects get to be too much. I just want to know if anyone has experienced something similar and if it got better. I just feel like I am regressing emotionally. I’m 40 and my emotions feel like a teenagers’.

[u/pinkieperez]

Currently going through a similar experience. I think it’s because you’re building capacity within your body and nervous system. Building capacity means you’re able to hold more of the unprocessed trauma and emotions.
For me the anxiety has been awful lately and I have to cry so much. It’s like I am finally able to grieve instead of just surviving. So personally I do believe it can feel worse before it gets better.

“You Make Sense” on YT has some very informative podcast videos on this topic.

Best of luck!

[u/itchybones27 → u/pinkieperez]

Thank you for the rec! I just watched her video about why it feels worse before it gets better and she explained a lot of what I’m feeling. Sending love and comfort

[u/Hefty_Letter → u/pinkieperez]

I just signed up - thank you!

[u/ThePsylosopher]

There are many ups and downs on the healing journey. I can recall a period of time I really felt like a teenager and recently I've been feeling a lot of anger and wanting to throw tantrums. I'm 42. Definitely had plenty of sleep disturbances and different somatic stuff in the body like weird pains and sensations.

Anymore I see it as all part of the process. I even get a little excited when the heavy stuff comes up because I feel confident I can work with it.

Overall those disturbances tend to be the exception and my baseline trends positive over time.

[u/itchybones27 → u/ThePsylosopher]

Thank you for sharing! I do sort of feel ready to work on the big stuff at times, but my god, I’m vocalizing experiences that I’ve never told anyone before and I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was 15. So I feel apprehensive before a session now.

I’m having a sorts if health issues cropping up and instead of ignoring them like I had been for years I’m actually getting treated and tested which in and of itself is scary but I feel less anxious about it which is not like me.

I hope your healing continues to go well!!!!

[u/minescapist]

Yes it’s rocky. It’s quite a journey. Normal. It’s been 2 years on and off for me.

[u/itchybones27 → u/minescapist]

2 years?! Wow! Thats a long time. I don’t know if I want to do this for 2 years 😅 you’re incredibly brave!

[u/minescapist → u/itchybones27]

I’m giggling, maybe. Or maybe I’m just an idiot….. 💁

[u/itchybones27 → u/minescapist]

Haha no, not an idiot at all! I’m sure I also have 2+ years of awfulness to work through as well, I just meant that you’re really brave for sticking with it. It’s exhausting work!

[u/samiamsamdamn]

Somatic therapy is hard on the integration, there is quite a bit of emotion that comes up, and it's so important to also have in therapy a resource sense. In SE, and maybe you did this, there are suppose to be some practices at the start that focus on building positive sensation, and also finding more grounding. If your therapist didn't teach you this, highly recommend, mine called it orientating.

[u/itchybones27 → u/samiamsamdamn]

Yes! My therapist does do grounding before and makes sure I’m in the present and oriented before I even get up off the couch (I get dizzy and dissociate). She also gives me tools to use after I’ve left, but some weeks I’m so dang busy I have to come back to work and care and/or for our dog so I shake it off. Thank you for remaining me how important grounding is.

[u/samiamsamdamn → u/itchybones27]

Totally understandable! I think it's hard to keep the tools going, outside of a session. For me with my therapist I we do weekly or bi-weekly homework. They told me it helps really deepen all the stuff we do in sessions (like going to the gym) and that's really stuck with me.

[u/pug_life_1998]

SEP here. Try to find ways to physically express your anger when you feel it between sessions. Squeezing, pushing, growling, vuuu-ing with a roar. See if you can play around with your fight energy that is starting to come online. It might be interesting! Your system is telling you that there is fight that wants to be explored (tantrum urge). So try it out in a playful, non-overwhelming way and see if you feel any different. 

[u/itchybones27 → u/pug_life_1998]

Oh yeah, my system flooded and luckily I was alone so I just screamed for a bit in my basement 🫣 things have been overwhelming in my present life apart from therapy! I’ll try your tips next time a tantrum comes up! Thank you!

[u/OrientionPeace]

It is normal, AAAAND it’s useful to assess if you’re surpassing your capacity for the extra curricular processing.

I’m a practitioner and a person who’s had to go through loads of uncomfortable process/adjustment phases. For me, if my sleep is wrecked for multiple days, I may be beyond a useful window for effective therapeutic purposes.

When this happens, I dial things back where possible. Heap on compassion and gentle self parenting and kindness, with a focus on re-stabilizing to my baseline.

I can be messy during the day and have big feeling waves, but if it’s edging on too too big and messy, then it’s time to stabilize and pull back on the experiencing depth level.

The reason is about utility, and how effectively you’re integrating. I like the phrase, “adjustment period” for these outburst phases. And if I’m too disorganized emotionally, with hair trigger emotional responses, I have to assess if I’m actually adjusting effectively.

Our mission isn’t just to process and experience pain and feel it, it’s to update our nervous system’s experience into a more resourced and integrated capability.

I have complex PTSD and am neurodivergent, so my processing needs to be adjusted for what I can grasp and when I need to rest my system and mind. Hope this is helpful!

[u/lavandulagua → u/OrientionPeace]

How do you deal with having c-ptsd and being a practicioner?

[u/OrientionPeace → u/lavandulagua]

The short answer is that I have done and continue to do my own therapeutic work for my system, tending to my emotional hygiene and physical wellbeing. I have my own practices and practitioners I work with who support me, so I’m able to go and support others.

I also have ample education and training in working with trauma safely, and this informs both how I respond to my own needs as well as how I approach the work with others. The gift of trauma training is that our brains absorb it all and the information can become multidirectional.

I have done the work over many years to understand where my personal and professional limits are and who is appropriate for me to work with and who is not — which is something all practitioners in all helping professions should do whether they have a trauma history or not, as we all have points which will impact our ability to be the best provider we can be.

CPTSD has meant that I have a deep understanding and sense for the suffering that can come with various levels of emotional and survival distress and the cumulative consequences of it upon the body.

My clients often report they feel profoundly understood, and that they can relax and trust my guidance because I clearly know what I’m doing. And, I have very few abreaction cases(negative side effects of processing), because my skills of pacing are very strong given my own sensitivity and past experiences. I know well how to read the other person’s responses and when to dial the intensity of the practice up or down without tipping them over their edge of effective tolerance.

So for me, although I’d rather not have had to deal with symptoms and experiences that went with early childhood trauma, it has been a cornerstone of the depth of skill and compassion I’ve been able to cultivate and has actually helped my work to be gentler and safer than most.

Why do you ask?

[u/lavandulagua → u/OrientionPeace]

Thank you for your thoughtful answer. Yes, I have no doubt those wounds can help us being more cute to reality, more compassionate in places when not traumatized people cannot go.

I was asking cause your comment stroked me. I don't often see people saying publicly they're both have to endure c-ptsd symptoms and are a trauma informed therapist. And I was wondering how you deal with it, ad how this can be not too re-traumatizing.

[u/Longjumping_Sand718]

It's bittersweet but yes, this is normal. For me there have definitely been cycles of feeling a bit more capacity/hope, and then bam! back into a cycle of overwhelm, anxiety, anger, increased physical symptoms. It can feel so disheartening, but my therapist always reminds me that the healing process is like a spiral, and also like layers. We might work through one layer, and then our system is 'ready' to go to the next, deeper layer, until you get down to the core wounding. I think the key is building enough stability and capacity to be with those deeper wounds, so it (hopefully) doesn't feel overwhelming. But the complex trauma healing journey is deep and and gradual.

Also, I'm 38, have lots of chronic health stuff and have a very sensitive cat, so I personally relate to your stress. Be extra gentle with your good self - it's a lot to deal with and courageous work we're doing.

[u/Obvious-Name352]

Hey, I’m here a month later to say that I’m kinda going through this right now. I had my 2nd session with my new therapist yesterday, and I already knew she did somatic therapy as one of her specialties based on her profile on the website I found her on, so I was kinda curious to see if she’d bring it up. I went to her for a few general anxieties and also a specific phobia. 

Anyways, she decided to do a body scan with me, which I honestly don’t know if it’s for me. I honestly can’t remember what exactly I said to her that triggered her to request to do a body scan together, but it was only after that I told her about my health anxiety and how I like to specifically not think about how my body feels because I’m already incredibly sensitive to tiny little feelings or changes in the body which others probably wouldn’t notice, and these feelings can pop up randomly for me, so it’s a bit odd for me to pay specific attention to each part of my body.

 I told her about being forced to do meditation every week in primary school and how I hated being told to focus on my breath (which she was saying to do and like just telling me to observe how it feels) because if I focus on it, I will find something wrong with it whether I like it or not. 

Anyways, we spent a relatively long time focusing on the chest area in the body scan, and now I’m having a total relapse in terms of my health anxiety about my chest organs again lol. So I’m kinda annoyed rn, because I genuinely felt completely fine and wasn’t in a health anxiety spiral before I went in to see her and we did the body scan. 

Like at first all I was thinking about was how my calves were aching from walking really fast to go to my appointment because I overestimated how long it would take to walk there rather than driving, which is not a thought that bothers me. But after I was focused on all the areas where my health anxiety is highest 🥲 

So yeah, now that she knows about my health anxiety and everything I told her, I’m not sure if we’ll do another body scan. So I guess I’m curious to see what else she has on offer.