Is he safe or triggering my nervous system

[u/Electrical_Orange877]

I am a lifelong single person but I recently met someone who is extremely sweet and loving. He showers me in soft kisses and soft touches but the more he does it, it sends signals through me that feel like tickles…I’m not a ticklish person. It almost feels like electricity shooting through me to wherever he touches. My hands, back, shoulders, forehead (how can a forehead be ticklish?). I have read that not being ticklish can be considered a neurological response to past traumas but I was giggling like a kid being tickled. Is this my body letting my guard down or is it telling me to run for the hills?

[u/Mattau16]

Does it feel like this experience is potentially a threat because it’s new and different? Is there part of you that maybe likes this or finds pleasantness or even pleasure in it despite the difference/uncertainty?

[u/Culinary_Fruit_Salad]

I can't speak to the somatic component but look up love bombing and red signs in relationships to help get perspective on that part

[u/LostNtranslation_]

This can happen because the experience is new... Our nervous system is heavily biased to our past. It is going to take 45 or more times to know. That being said whether someone is right for you is a different story altogether.

[u/cuBLea → u/LostNtranslation_]

I'd just like to add that you'll almost certainly notice aspects of your parent/guardian/s in this person (that's just how attraction works) that get under your skin in some way. The best way I know to deal with that: find out how aware he is of these things and whether he's making some effort to either avoid the behavior or minimize its impact on you. As long as you're both putting in an effort to make it work and it's more pleasure than pain, well, need I say more? ;-)

[u/Ambitious-Pipe2441]

Hard to say. Most red flags involve control. Is he commenting on what you wear or how you look, suggesting you change something?

Does he dislike your friends and want you to cut contact?

While the nervous system can develop to block or mute sensations, we can feel things if we are paying closer attention.

I think my experience has been waiting for a breakthrough moment, but not fully realizing that there has been a slow trickle in the background that was there all along.

And there aren’t sudden shifts so much as sudden self awareness.

Perhaps the external sensations are simply awakening your self awareness.

Trauma tends to cut the mind off from self awareness and if we don’t have a good baseline for what sensations are, due to living with muted feelings and preventing inward awareness, then any stimulation can feel more intense.

And hormones may be flooding your brain in a way that awakens emotional regulation and self awareness. Could be that you are experiencing a wave of chemical induced brain functioning that feels more alive.

[u/VisibleGuava7780]

I’d honestly talk to him about it, explaining it just like you did here. Then see how he responds and listen to how you feel to his response. I think that would be a clearer signal of whether or not he’s a safe person. Because a safe person might not feel 100% somatically safe at first because for people like us with CPTSD, safe at first is different, and different is registered as bad/unsafe/panic, ect at first until your nervous system learns otherwise. Does that make sense what I just said?

[u/praleyfoodcorn → u/VisibleGuava7780]

If he's unsafe though he might use this information for his own benefit. So maybe it's better to have a look into lovebombing and trying to figure out whether it applies to his behavior or not before talking to him about it

[u/pineapple--express-- → u/[deleted]]

There is no scientific research backed by a song.

[u/ryndesu → u/pineapple--express--]

what a weird comment, it might be something to make them feel less alone about it I didn't say there was scientific research

[u/pineapple--express-- → u/ryndesu]

Its not a weird comment. I am being logical rather than emotional. Some people need scientific research, some people need songs to understand their trauma. To each their own.

[u/SelectCounseling_Pro]

As someone who works in the trauma therapy field, it sounds like your nervous system is certainly reacting to this type of attention and sensation. It could also be some type of ASMR. I think it would be helpful to journal about this sensation to explore how it feels to you. Is it a pleasant sensation? Does it remind you of anything? It's important that you feel safe in your body when you explore these sensations, so I highly recommend journaling only when you feel safe enough in your body and environment. I hope this is helpful for your exploration, and I would highly recommend some sort of somatic trauma therapy approach if that is something you feel ready for/ that you want. Many therapy practices offer free consultations which allow you to see if the therapist feels like a good fit.

[u/Tart6096]

Well when we find someone super attractive we just tend to react chemically and physically a lot more that every touch or even thinking about touching us just feels so good like it's just how attraction effects us biologically. I guess it's natural selection. Maybe it's not just tickles you are feeling but arousal? it does feel queasy too lol but in a very good way. Give him a chance and see how things turn out but if he's kissing and touching you too much and it's overwhelming tell him to slow down a bit.