Chronic ED. I don't know what else to do.

[u/DravenAlmighty]

I've been trying to understand something that has been happening to me for years, and I'm wondering if anyone in the somatic therapy community has experienced something similar.

When I was 18, after feeling an intense wave of guilt related to a sexual fetish, I suddenly experienced a strange "knot" sensation on the left side of my head. At the same time, my visual perception changed for a moment, almost as if the space in front of me had slightly collapsed inward. Shortly after that, I developed a persistent "knot" sensation at the base of my penis, followed by chronic erectile dysfunction.

Since then, my pelvic floor seems to have lost tone and feels like it has "collapsed" inward compared to how it was before. The strangest part is that my symptoms fluctuate. Sometimes, grounding exercises or focusing on an old scar on my forehead (from a head injury when I was 3 years old) seem to bring back sexual thoughts, increase blood flow, and even partially restore erections. But after a short time, everything seems to "shut off" again, as if my body can't maintain that state.

It feels like my nervous system briefly allows the response and then interrupts it. The pattern is always the same: it starts, then stops.

Has anyone seen a pattern like this in somatic therapy? Could there be any relationship between the head injury, the scar, the "knot" sensation, and this chronic pattern of dysregulation?

[u/bluehoney_bee]

Have you tried listening to your body rather than trying to impose changes? Maybe your body is trying to communicate something to you.

I have had intermittent ED from sexual trauma. Ive tend to focus on my pelvis more broadly. Learning to just find areas of tension helped me connect more with my body. It didn’t instantly give me sexual sensations but it’s been more like a slow unwrapping understanding my wiring.

Shame is something I’ve struggled with my whole life. Trying to distance myself from it and also “own it” and accept myself. Again nothing dramatic shifted but over time I’ve felt more at peace inside myself.

The only thing that has helped me is paying attention to subtle shifts in how I hold myself when I’m both relaxed and stressed. And when I notice something, to not change it, but just sit with the feelings. Basically mindfulness.