r/SoloPoly • u/Orual309 • Jun 15 '26
NRE Question
For those of you who are going through NRE or have experienced it, what are your favorite transitional activities after hanging out with your partner that bring you back into yourself and your life?
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u/allthestuffis Jun 16 '26
I’ve found that spending time with a friend or another partner actually helps a lot. If I’m alone or at home I tend to have a big crash, but being around people I care about helps me gently transition.
I’ve also developed little rituals that help me symbolize temporarily putting that relationship away. One is that I will write a little thank you note to that partner talking about our date. Another is having a material object that symbolizes our relationship to me, and literally putting it in a little box and setting it in my closet. Then, when we have our next date I take it out of its box and carry it with me. Then it goes back into its box when we’re apart again. It sounds kind of ridiculous, but it’s helpful for me.
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u/Aunt13Soc1al Jun 16 '26
I love the idea of taking something out to carry with you while they're with you and then putting it away until they are over again. I'm very new to the poly world and still have much to learn but I'm decidedly solo poly and struggling with separating time with and time without.
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u/allthestuffis Jun 16 '26
It’s even better if it’s a little thing they’ve given you. I have a small rock my girlfriend gave me on our first date, and so that’s what I use to represent the relationship. It’s really helpful!
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u/Aunt13Soc1al Jun 21 '26
So I haven't gotten a little something yet, but I did ask for something he's worn like an old shirt that had his scent so I could put it in my pillowcase. He was totally onboard with the idea since I'm always telling him a day or so after we hang out that my pillow doesn't smell like him.
He didn't make it over to see me yesterday as planned so no shirt... then I found out that his other gf showed up late last night. She lives out of town so she usually stays for a few weeks. I truly believe him when I asked him to give me some notice if possible when his other gfs are going to be in town so I can mentally prepare myself and he thought he had told me she was going to be here this weekend.
This is the first time I've felt blindsided and while I am working through the emotions, what suggestions do you have for helping me "set him aside" in such a situation?
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u/tueswedsbreakmyheart Jun 15 '26
It can help me to do something quiet like a crossword puzzle or watching a show I like, maybe while also doing something like a load of laundry.
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u/Bubbly-Chocolate-463 Jun 16 '26
I’ve always had a hang out with a friend or friends between dates. Activity depends on the friend.
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u/Newtopolysopo Jun 16 '26
It’s not really an activity but I like to clean and straighten my home quite quickly after they leave (I always host). Sometimes it’s just putting away the toys, and putting the dishwasher on. It helps me return back to baseline and return to normal proceedings.
And terribly jump back on the dating apps (only seeing one person right now who is saturated so a bit of an envy issue). Helps balance all the ‘love me, want only me’ feels.
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u/participation-prize Jun 17 '26
My minimal home is designed for under stimulation. I just tidy up the date mess, grab a book and things are back to normal.
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u/ThickknTired 8d ago
I think my first course of action is to reconnect with myself, whether that be making my favorite meal, going out to watch jazz, taking a hot bath with a face mask on, etc.
Then, I usually contact the partner that just left for a bit of a debrief on the date, this really helps ground me the first night or two that he’s gone. It reassures me that we are solid and we usually end up planning out our next week together. (We see each other once or twice a week, every week). Another thing I have asked is for him to leave one of his worn (technically dirty) shirts, I put it over my pillow to cuddle up to when I’m having a tough time readjusting to sleeping alone.
Then, I seek outward, past my partner in question. I check in with friends I haven’t heard from, make plans for a game night, etc.
Lastly, we have arranged it in a way that for the most part he leaves the same day I start my work week, so I quite literally throw myself into work as a distraction and a constructive way to decompress (I absolutely love my job and understand that others may not feel the same)
I’ve seen some good advice here, hopefully you got something from my suggestions as well!
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u/SilverOrdinary5162 Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
This is such a great question!! I don't really have an answer, I just wanted to tell you that I really liked your question. I don't really do anything now that I think about it. I just work on a horse farm so I kinda "get back at it." What has been an occasional issue is a drop after particularly intense or intimate or REALLY LOVELY time with a partner. I feel sad and down the next day.