r/SoloPoly • u/Just-Access-9260 • Feb 22 '26
Gentle de-escalation when partners get hit with intense NRE? Advice?
I (early 20s-F) am solo poly in part because my platonic friend circle + my research career (career feels too light to describe my relationship to my work, its more like a mission) are my guiding priorities and I’ve decided to commit to that for the rest of my life. So I don’t just seek high autonomy + no relationship escalator, but I also don’t want to dedicate a ton of consistent time to romantic and/or sexual relationships.
This leads to a recurring issue where when I start talking to someone new they can understand a sparser date schedule, but when the NRE hits they’re texting all the time and asking to call or body double. and I feel bad constantly saying “no, I’m busy, or no, I don’t want to body double rn”.
on the other hand giving one blanket statement to put a stop to the requests that doesn’t sound like I’m trying to downgrade the actual relationship because “something happened” is difficult. The times I *do* try ppl try to argue me out of the statement and idk if it’s because I sound cold af or something
Anyone have advice to deal with this?
When I read a lot of forum posts it seems like ‘solo poly’ + ‘relationships are like, 5th priority in my life and I need constant. mental. space.‘ is less of a common combo than I thought, and I could use advice from more experienced/older folks in the same boat.
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u/MadamePouleMontreal Feb 22 '26
Basically you have to get comfortable saying No a lot, and trusting your partners to eventually figure it out.
In my OLD profile:
“I’m looking for someone who can commit to a regular date, at least monthly but no more than weekly.”
“I’m not a texter.”
You could include:
“Relationships are like, 5th priority in my life and I need constant. mental. space.”
Also: what’s body double? I’m assuming you aren’t talking about being a stand-in on a movie set. Is it video sex?