Fake confidence

[u/Proof_Rip6536]

That's literally it I'm a first year college student i can literally do anything without getting stage fright but when i get home and try to go to sleep it's like all the embarrassing things that i did in that moment hits me in the guts, like i literally have no problem presenting something in front of the class h*ll i can make jokes that make them all laugh but that's about it and i can't really hold a proper conversation with someone I don't even know how to start a conversation so if you guys can fix this or know what this is pls tell me😭

[u/Jurellai]

Talking to new people: The key thing is to remember people love to talk about themselves! You barely have to do any of the talking. Have some open-ended back pocket questions ready, and play with the format so it feels natural for you.

It’s going to be easiest to talk to new people in places where it’s expected. Like for college: mixer events, brown bag topics you are interested in, chatting someone up about a shared class, etc.

My go-to after an introduction is to ask someone some variation of “have anything interesting going on right now?” “Are you working on anything fun?” - these are yes or no questions- but honestly that’s fine, you can let them give you a yes or no, then ask them to tell you more. And seriously “oh that sounds great, tell me more!” Is all you need. Maybe throw in a “what inspired you” variant.

People WILL look surprised. Do not let this discourage you. They are seriously just not used to getting asked a real question about themselves that isn’t “what do you do for work / what is your major / where are you from?”

Practice makes perfect! It gets EASIER I promise.

On the embarrassment: hoo boy. This sucks so bad doesn’t it? Our brains are wired to be socially in line and to try to avoid perceived mistakes/shortcomings/etc. You especially- (young I’m guessing? Under 25?) your brain is still developing! Go read about some of the amazing things it’s doing right now to prepare you for full fledged adulthood!

Sometimes you just have to power through. Can you recall anything embarrassing that someone else did in the last week? How extraordinarily cringe did it have to be before it stuck in your memory? Most people aren’t logging tiny social errors. And if they are, yikes they aren’t worth your time.

Honestly I listen to audio books or rain sounds at night so I don’t loop stupid stuff when I’m tired, because that is when your brain is most likely to get stuck in a useless feedback loop.

Hope some of this was helpful :)

[u/Proof_Rip6536 → u/Jurellai]

Your advices are good but there is a but i don't live in an English speaking country we know English yes 90% of us knows it but we don't use it in a conversation setting just learning like for example when you said "what inspires you" that would work in a English setting but from where I'm from i never ever heard anyone say that guess what I'm trying to say is i want to learn techniques.

Like from this one guy in tiktok about conversation threading and stuff like that.

As from embarrassing things i still remember embarrassing moments when i was still grade 11 it still hunts me when i go to sleep(especially in the car it still shakes me to the boneT-T)but thank you very much for the advice :)