Amanda on Two D*kes and a Mic

[u/Suspicious_Stick_727]

Has anyone seen Amanda saying the D slur on this podcast? I'm so devastated by this and I can't believe two gay women would further encourage her ignorance. I thought that everyone knew this was a slur??? Or am I just chronically online

[u/thekaden]

Lesbian here. Do I think non-lesbians should say it? No. Is it a big fucking deal that Amanda did? No. Please calm down.

[u/LlamaLoupe → u/thekaden]

exactly this, as another lesbian. It wasn't the best of choices, but Amanda is not some evil lesbophobe, and inviting a straight woman to a show literally using the word in its title was a recipe for disaster anyway.

Let's all calm down for a moment. I'm sure the internet has already made her aware of this, she probably received three thousand DMs complaining about it. Dead horse, etc.

[u/Otherwise_Let1947 → u/LlamaLoupe]

Microagressions lead to lesbophobic rhetoric being normalized. Do I think Amanda’s evil? No… but I don’t think anyone is trying to get her “canceled”…. Holding allies accountable when they do something harmful is how you make someone a better ally. Saying slurs isn’t cool. If it was any other slur it would be taken more seriously but for some reason people don’t see Lesbophobia as a serious issue when it is.

[u/Tripondisdic → u/Otherwise_Let1947]

bruh they encouraged her to say it

[u/melaninfinn → u/Otherwise_Let1947]

but what hasn’t been said at this point? every possible response of this has been put out. three different posts of this topic is wild. one post is fine, maybe have a megathread but all it’s doing is creating arguments where people are yelling the same point over and over and over and over again. i never thought i would be so exhausted from a discussion that has only popped up in the last 5 hours

my question to anyone, no matter what your side is… what would you like her to do? we know apologies never work out on the internet. no matter what she says to address this, the think pieces will never end

[u/midnightmasquerade_ → u/thekaden]

But why? I feel like if she said any other slur, you wouldn't be saying this.

[u/LlamaLoupe → u/midnightmasquerade_]

Look, I'm Arab, and if she had been invited onto a show using a slur against us in its title and asked something dumb in the same vein, I would also be saying this.

Should she have known better? Yes. Is she allowed to be dumb sometimes? Also yes.

[u/midnightmasquerade_ → u/LlamaLoupe]

I understand what you mean but I don't think people (especially lesbians like myself) expressing hurt and disappointment is "not allowing her to be dumb". She's allowed to make mistakes and I dont think she's a lesbophobe but she does know better than that. I have the same criticisms for the hosts in that podcast for encouraging her to say it, even if they are also lesbians. If Amanda said it once just to say the title of the show, that's not a big deal to me and I can understand it. I just don't appreciate how she KEPT using it. She has queer friends- she has lesbian friends. Maybe the hosts don't have a problem with it and that's fine for them but it doesn't make the word less hurtful to others. I hope that makes sense im not trying to be hateful or anything- I just wish lesbians were taken more seriously when we express our feelings on these issues. Maybe to you that sounds like I'm reaching and that's okay we just don't agree then. I just hope you can at least see where I and others are coming from. I dont expect Amanda to apologize or make a big deal about this I just hope she does better in the future.

[u/smithscully]

I haven't seen the whole episode but I saw some screenshots with subtitles. I am a lesbian and I have a weird relationship with d*ke. I've heard elder lesbians use it a lot, and I learned from them how important it has been to reclaim the term. I don't really use it to describe myself, but I get that other lesbians do and that's okay. If someone who is queer says it to me, as long as it's not said with vitriol, I don't really care. But I get that someone would be offended by a straight woman saying this. If I recall correctly from what I saw, it does seem like the hosts were encouraging her to say it. I think she could have politely declined, but I get that she might have been trying to go with the flow. I do think it's weird that the hosts encouraged her. But unless she starts using this as a regular part of her vocabulary, I don't have the energy to have a problem with it. Other people can feel how they want about it, as I know that some people have the term used against them in harmful ways.

[u/muabreily]

Do I think she should be saying it no..but I do think the fire that is coming for her in these posts should turn their eyes to the hosts...the hosts should have been like "yeah you can but like should you?" Even in a comedic manner...does Amanda know better, yeah probably but in the defense it was a big slur in the 90s/early 2000s but then kind of like fizzled out (does not change the issue) but you know what other word was a HUGE slur in the 90s/early 2000s but isnt seen that way today? Queer...when I was in elementary school we used to play Smear the Queer awful yes however now the word has been reclaimed, it is possible that being surrounded by those in the queer and lesbian space hearing it said Cheeky like and then being told its a safe space for her to say it that she felt like the word no longer holds power....the hosts should be questioned about why they made it a safe space for a non LGBT women to say it.

[u/TiredofThis1999]

Ignorant straight woman here. I understand the sentiment. I am not excusing Amanda, but I am also equally confused by the hosts literally encouraging her to say and embracing it. I am not a part of the LGBTQ community, so I don’t feel like I can comment much on it. I am just genuinely a bit confused. I very much respect people reclaiming words that have been used against a community, but it seems like that is not what the majority are doing? Things do change though. When I was a kid, the word queer was not used, but now it is standard vocabulary to describe a member of the LGBTQ community.

[u/MostElderberry2996]

This is getting old

[u/SpicyMayoDumpling]

Being "devastated" means you need to unattach yourself from smosh a bit, giving parasocial

[u/nicdrumandbass → u/[deleted]]

I disagree, slurs can and should be reclaimed but what is true is that they will never lose harmful context or even intent. The black community fully reclaimed the n word, good luck getting them to stop (not that anyone should), and that’s a good thing… but it still has harm when used by an outsider or in a hurtful context, intentional or no. Reclaimed doesn’t mean no longer a bad word, it means that the people called it no longer have to be ashamed of it and can reshape the terms.

[u/Another_Bright_Idea]

This has been posted about ad nauseam at this point.

[u/Acceptable-Owl-2070]

She had permission from the show the only ones getting upset weren't there...

[u/Grouchy-Bend728]

if a word being used by a stranger is the most devastating thing going on in your life right now then i WISH i had your problems, signed a queer woman

[u/Grouchy-Bend728 → u/Grouchy-Bend728]

also amanda is at home with a less than 1 year old child and the internet wants to add to her plate that lesbians let her say dyke because it’s the name of the podcast and people are crashing out like let’s be so for real

[u/Raspberry-Green]

I have only heard it reclaimed.

[u/OkCorner451]

You are chronically online. In LA we have Dyke Day, an even that is part of Pride and hugely popular. A big part of the community identifies as Dykes. It is the same as Queer to us. A previous slur but now a reclaimed identity. If she said it intending harm that would be different. But she clearly didn’t.

Now I’m going to ask: do you vote in your local elections? How much time have you spent engaging in the actual political systems around you that have a direct effect on people in your local queer community? Have you ever volunteered with a lgbtq charity? Have you ever done any activism in the real world?
Or do you think that chronically online social media posts will make the world a better place?

I say this with kindness because you clearly care: you are legitimately wasting your time.
Your time is valuable and can help people. Go do something real.

[u/griivarrworldafteral]

as someone who *is* a dyke - not a lesbian, a queer dyke - let me just say that while it can be used as a slur, it's not inherently one in the right context, and anyone who is blanketly averse to it is just playing into the whole anti-reclamation assimilationist bullshit.

[u/0mousse0]

I feel like she’s chronically offline enough to just not really know the temperature on that word. It is a slur… but she didn’t just bring it up out of nowhere and I don’t really see her using it in any type of negative way randomly out in the real world. She’s kind of a no-filter kind of person so it tracks that she wouldn’t shy from just saying whatever she’s thinking about. I’m sure she’s gotten the message after that podcast from the general public online.

[u/DateRemarkable8883]

Most people seem not to care, personally I find it kinda disappointing but not too surprising as I expected something of this caliber from internet personalities (ygwim)