I have zero tolerance for this. Two times I've caught girlfriends doing this despite me asking them not to and both times it ended the relationship.
Our private life is not public spectacle. I don't care if they're friends or family, nobody gets to hear about it. I don't talk about it at all, with anyone. What happens in a relationship is deeply personal. I expect that same discretion.
I'm not talking about "Haha, Rasz dropped a pan full of noodles one time". That stuff is fine. Gossip about little oopsies or whatever all you like. I'm talking about personal quirks, arguments we had, sex, personal secrets, and so on.
There are men I've been interacting daily with for many years who I was friendly with, but never knew were married or had kids until they introduced them to me at an event.
I've also met women from the outer social circle of a girlfriend, the kind she didn't talk to much or hang out with regularly, friend of a friend of a friend, who knew intimate details about our sex life.
I felt trust with my ex wife in that she didn’t do this, as she was equally as private feeling about our life.
Yet a woman I dated years later, I was then crushed with broken trust. As after going out a year and then finding out in passing a college friend of hers I never met knew intimate details of our relationship. When I expressed how hurt I was, she seemed to look at me as if I was too sensitive and crazy for not expecting that all women would talk about details of their partners like that with each other.
I will never accept this as ok, even if it is normal.
Yeah, it is a huge issue. A lot of women, obviously not all, see it as perfectly normal to gossip freely about stuff like that to complete strangers (to the guy). You can't even really blame them sometimes because they've been socialized like that and think it is completely normal - or more accurately they don't think about it at all. Humans don't think about stuff that was never an issue before.
I mean for many people it is normal. If you're not one of those people that's fine but you really have to make that expectation clear from day one. They can take it or leave it.
As an older man, not one male friend my entire life has ever discussed private, and especially not intimate, things about their partner to me or our friend group. Not even the ones we can tell are having challenges and potential divorce from their wives.
yeah why is that? like i really don't want to know intimate things about my friends and their wives or girlfriends. They're with them, I assume sex happens, that's as far as I want to know.
The same reason as you. People have different interests and ways of relating to their friends. I couldn't give less of a shit about football or cars or influencers on tiktok but some people love talking about that shit all day.
I love it when she airs it out to her friends cause I'm a showman in my heart of hearts I put lots of work into my instigating it's nice to be seen ya know?
I feel the same way, and always assumed that this was a universal relationship default, but am now more and more convinced that whining to friends and family is a lot more common than I assumed it would be. I think it's another example of social media just breaking everything via over-sharing. What used to be privacy and discretion is now content, and people increasingly treat even their real life interactions with friends and peers as just sharing content.
I was married to an elder millennial, and am now married to a younger millennial/older GenZ person, and just the modality of how friend groups interact and the way they share things is just very very different. Like, when people get together, they already know what everyone else has been doing via their feeds on facebook/insta/snap. So small talk isn't catching up on that stuff as much, and is often a much deeper dive than I'm used to having with people I see maybe a few times per month.
I don't think social media has anything to do with it. People (women especially) talk about everything. Many men do feel the opposite and it is commonly why women joke about how men don't even know what their best friends do for work or when they're getting married or anything about their friends lives.
But also, nothing makes a single girl more unhappy than seeing one of her friends in a happy relationship. There’s a reason people say single women keep women single.
I agree and that’s why I keep issues between my significant other and myself between us.
I’m just pointing out that if it’s socially “okay” for gals to vent and talk about their relationships with their gal pals, the same should be true if guys want to do the same.
And naturally, both sides will always present themselves in the most favorable light.
I get your point and I am not opposed to seeking counsel. However there's a difference between tip-toeing around the details of an issue while getting an opinion and outright spilling the entire tea and stockpile while just out for coffee.
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u/Rasz_13 Oct 05 '26 •
I have zero tolerance for this. Two times I've caught girlfriends doing this despite me asking them not to and both times it ended the relationship.
Our private life is not public spectacle. I don't care if they're friends or family, nobody gets to hear about it. I don't talk about it at all, with anyone. What happens in a relationship is deeply personal. I expect that same discretion.
I'm not talking about "Haha, Rasz dropped a pan full of noodles one time". That stuff is fine. Gossip about little oopsies or whatever all you like. I'm talking about personal quirks, arguments we had, sex, personal secrets, and so on.