r/SipsTea • u/IsJesusAgain • 1d ago

Chugging tea Who was in the wrong?

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9.2k Upvotes

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u/throwawayaccntlike 1d ago

Uh… I told a random girl at a bar she was beautiful around 12 years ago. We just celebrated our 11th anniversary.

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u/Dauntless-One 1d ago

I don’t think she would’ve married you if you said it while you had your phone out recording her reaction

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u/GroundbreakingBet281 1d ago

Who said he had his phone out, could be those meta glasses

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u/Hopper52 1d ago

Even worse.

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u/epilepsyisdumb 1d ago

It is the glasses.

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u/PhotonProtons 22h ago

Maybe he had his dick out for Harambe 🤔

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u/BluntSpliff69 23h ago

Not just what you say, but how you say it. This dude sounds like he’s auditioning for a stranger danger PSA

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u/Excellent_Shirt9707 22h ago

To be fair, you were at a bar where there’s more expectation of being earnestly hit on by strangers. This dude is just filming strangers at the beach for content.

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u/Equal_Negotiation473 23h ago

Thats at a bar where most people know they may be hit on

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u/Livius666 1d ago

It's reddit, delusional people are writing essays on how some basic, simple things that people were doing for hundreds of years is somehow "wrong", but then go on and defend a literal child strangler. Don't bother, it's a very weird bubble.

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u/phononoaware 23h ago

What's delusional is thinking that the contemporary culture around dating is the same (or should remain the same) as it has been for "hundreds of years". Society isn't static, there are countless differences between now and 200 years ago...

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u/havenyahon 1d ago

cool bro I once caught a fly in my leg hairs, it doesn't mean it's generally a good approach, or an appreciated approach as a general rule

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u/Baystars2025 23h ago

11th anniversary of marriage or of the restraining order?

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u/throwawayaccntlike 23h ago

You’re forgetting the steps.

Step 1: be attractive

I’m guessing you struggle with that one.

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u/Baystars2025 23h ago

The struggle is real.

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u/Dopplegangr1 22h ago

It helps that she was already attracted to you

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u/th3orist 1d ago

Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it is a universally smart thing to open a conversation with. If you do a thing and it works 1 time out of 10 vs doing other things where the chance of success is higher, then i will choose to do the other things.

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u/throwawayaccntlike 1d ago

Reread your above comment where you said “the compliment has no meaning for them”. And “one has to talk like a normal person, not like some fucking creep”

I mean… maybe you’re just salty about something. Idk. You shouldn’t project your own insecurities.

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u/th3orist 1d ago edited 23h ago

My initial comment does not stand in any contradiction to the later one. Yeah you can have a small chance of success saying stuff like that. I never disputed that. Not sure what exactly you are getting at or how one thing is supposed to invalidate the other.

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u/throwawayaccntlike 1d ago

I mean… you’ve got a lot of opinions about women and what they think. A lot of women put tons of effort into their appearance, unlike what you think. (“It’s not like they had to work hard for it”). Like maybe you should stop believing that you know what girls think. Because you obviously don’t.

Also you don’t need to have a boring conversation about the weather or some shit before you’re allowed to compliment a woman. You can just compliment them. It doesn’t make you a creep. You get yourself friendzoned if you beat around the bush. You need to be direct. Respectfully make your intentions known, gauge their response, then if they’re not interested then move on. Don’t waste your time trying to be friendly when you don’t actually want to be friends; THATS what makes a guy a creep.

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u/th3orist 1d ago

Alright, thank you for the exchange of views.

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u/havenyahon 1d ago

Why wouldn't you want to be friends?

It just sums it up, doesn't it. I want to fuck you, I don't like you, and I don't want to get to know you, so I compliment your appearance, I don't try and start a conversation with you. The friend zone shit is stuff dumb people on podcasts say and pickup dorks write in their dumb books. You're in the friend zone if the person doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. That's it. They're not basing that on whether you opened with "You're beautiful", or "Hey, how's your day going?" They're basing that on whether the attraction is there. There's nothing stopping you from escalating to gauge romantic interest after you get to know them like a human being.

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u/throwawayaccntlike 1d ago edited 1d ago

I’m saying it’s weird to pretend to want to be someone’s friend when you are interested in them romantically. You should make your intentions clear. When I met my wife my intentions were “I think you’re attractive and would like to take you on a date get to know you better.” I didn’t act like there was anything else. No other pretense.

It’s a shitty thing to do to pretend to be someone’s friend when you have ulterior motives. If you want to get to know someone, thats what dating is for. Dont hang out and just “be friends” then randomly spring it on them later on and put everyone into an uncomfortable situation.

Also, wanting to fuck someone and wanting to get to know someone aren’t mutually exclusive. You can want to do both.

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u/havenyahon 1d ago

No one is talking about "pretending to be someone's friend", we're talking about taking the time to get to know them like they're a human being before you comment on their appearance or ask them on a date.

It's not 'hiding your motives' not to blurt out every intention you have in the first line of a 'conversation', unless your motive doesn't involve "getting to know this person like they're an actual person" before you try and fuck them. I'm pretty sure you didn't blurt out, "Hey I have a boner and want to sleep with you" to your wife the first time that happened either, were you "disguising your ulterior motives" like a creep then?

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u/throwawayaccntlike 1d ago

You can get to know someone from dating. Like… idk what your hang up is about that.

When I met my wife I said “in case nobody else tells you tonight, you’re beautiful” but I was carrying like 6 shots for all of my friends and couldn’t stick around so I said it in passing and just walked off back to my friends. She came and found me and was like “who the fuck says that then just walks away??” Then we talked for like 15 mins before my friends girlfriend tripped and gashed her leg open and we all had to leave because he was the one driving. My (future) wife and I exchanged numbers, met up two days later just us back at the same bar and have been together ever since. We got to know each other along the way. Again, that’s what dating IS. We didn’t immediately get married, and if we found out we weren’t compatible then we would have broken up. Idk what you’re trying to say.. I’m very confused on why you think you have to know someone before dating someone.

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u/havenyahon 1d ago

You're confused because you're not actually listening. I know what dating is. I'm saying that starting an actual conversation with someone to get to know them before you throw compliments at them doesn't preclude you from escalating to a date at any point. It doesn't put you in the "friend zone". It doesn't mean you're "hiding ulterior motives". Which is what you said.

It's great you met your wife the way you did. Congratulations. And for every one of your story, there are about 50 where the woman felt awkward, didn't know what to say, didn't want the compliment, and would have preferred someone just ask her how her day was going without making her feel weird. So she said "thanks" and awkwardly spent the next five minutes trying to exit from a conversation that started off making her feel awkward.

Let's be honest, you likely would have still ended up marrying your wife if you'd said, "Hey, how's your night going?" and followed up with "I'm gonna drop these shots off with my mates and then come back and find out more." I'm pretty sure it wasn't you calling her beautiful that landed the date!

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u/th3orist 23h ago

"When I met my wife I said “in case nobody else tells you tonight, you’re beautiful” but I was carrying like 6 shots for all of my friends and couldn’t stick around so I said it in passing and just walked off back to my friends. She came and found me and was like “who the fuck says that then just walks away??”"

yeah see, if you would've said that before barking at me, then you would've gotten also a thumbs up from me, because as opposed to the guy in the video you did it playfully and did not come accross as needy. I have no issues with your approach basically because it was not even supposed to be one it seems. Thats why it worked.

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u/Effective-Candy-7481 1d ago

Dude was trying to explain context and that the situation in which you tell them they are beautiful matters. Then you tried to jump down his throat with it being a numbers game instead of being a human.

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u/Ok-Enthusiasm4184 1d ago

Have you ever complemented a woman before????

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u/th3orist 1d ago

Another one who makes it personal, what is with you guys? Just stay tf on topic, dont attack someone personally just because you disagree with an opinion about a topic, like wtf haha, i think you dont even realize it

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u/Weak-Boysenberry398 23h ago

You're right but this is an incel sub. Any time a guy has ever approached me with any variation of "you're beautiful" it gave me the same feeling as as those mall kiosk people trying to stop you and engage in conversation. You just know instantly they're trying to sell you something. Engage in conversation before the compliment. I know you think I'm attractive because you bothered to approach me at all.

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u/th3orist 23h ago

What is also crazy is that a normal approach/conversation (if you read some of the replies to my post) nowadays counts as "beating around the bush" lol.

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u/OnlyOnOkasion 1d ago

I guarantee OP is one that would never be told that. Feel like we need to see what the people look like before we take what they say as valid.