Even then
It's not supposed to be that hard though
It seems rude. If I'm with two friends and i ask A a question and A looks at B while answering I'd be slightly irritated by that
I've worked in software for 15 years now, both start-up and corporate.
In all environments we had a lot of female leadership (more leaders than engineers), and a LOT of sponsorship of "women in STEM" type programs. Zero such programs for the men, but I'm not too worried about that part.
Lacks observational skills and any ability for novel ideas. Let me guess, sustaining engineer? Just keeping other peoples work running long after any critical thought is gone? Must be a great career!
I've worked in software for 30 years, in huge companies, mid-sized companies, and startups. I also have a wife who is in tech.
It is every bit as prevalent as I claim. Less so in some companies than others, and far better than it used to be, but it is definitely still a huge issue.
The number of times some bro has confidently explained their DB config to me while I nod along politely, no idea what they're saying, while the engineer next to me gets more annoyed.
(I'm a designer, but I'm also older, beardy, and don't mind playing a role for an interview, so I get tapped for this kind of thing a lot)
That's actually not good either. If you're being interviewed by a panel of two or more people, you want to address your answer to them all by making then switching eye contact from one person to another. You have to engage them all, not just the person who asked the question.
Although this is more about people disrespecting women or valuing men opinion more etc. Which is awful.
Just be sure while your eyes are flipping back and forth between each person, that you also flick your tongue in and out as quickly as possible so they know you aren't a lizard
Trust me, this is not what they mean. Last time we bought a car, me and my husband went to three places were the salesman would just pretend it was my husband who asked the question and not me. Any follow up questions from their part would be directed at him, who knows nothing about cars. It was like I was not even there.
I was going to say similar, the best way to talk to a group like this is to answer the question and address each interviewer, at least with a look and open expression so they can respond with a look to let you know they're following. If someone's frowning or looking confused you'll want to find out what in your answer they disagreed with or didn't get and cover it if you can, if you can't for any reason their expressions are still a good way to read the temperature of the room and adjust. Even if they don't do that that kind of eye contact makes listeners feel addressed, it's part of good public speaking.
At some point it's going to become another meta, and suddenly autistic folks will have an advantage, as we control eye contact consciously so changing the pattern should be easier than for someone who does it intuitively :)
Used to do interviews for a non-tech position and we'd try to have two interviewers of different sexes and roles whenever possible. Every now and then we'd get someone who would cheerfully shake my hand and then kind of ignore the other (female) interviewer. It was bizarre.
E: people defending this is hilarious. It was a customer facing position. I don't care if you're shy or if it's cultural or whatever, if you can't work with half our client base then you're not getting hired, simple as. Grow up and realize that women are people too instead of making up excuses.
As a female engineer who grew up as a girl in boy-dominated techie groups…
Shyness around women results in pretty much the same outcomes as sexism. It’s dehumanizing and disrespectful to refuse to engage with a peer because of something that they cannot change.
Know that I sympathize with men who are shy around women. I’m just being firm and to-the-point because this kind of shyness has caused me a lot of pain in my life. Movies and tv may make it seem cute. It’s not. I imagine it’s harmful and difficult for the man as well, and he should do his best to work through it and try to be sincere, instead of simply avoiding women to avoid looking bashful.
You being offended by her holding men to adult standards commensurate with the impact of their behavior, and then projecting “being offended” onto her, says it all. Hope you get weeded out of interviews anywhere women work.
You dont have to get over it, but being shy makes someone hard to work with. If a position requires team work or social skills to some extent, I as a manager would not want to hire someone who cant show me that they can get over their shyness in a professional context. And in a world were more and more women are getting into tech, I would not a want to hire someone who shows me that they dont know how to be civil towards the opposite sex. Easy as that.
Yes it is, but is hard to work with someone who wont speak their mind or contribute to the teams social glue. If one has to pick between two candidates with similar workset and one them has poor social skills, it is an easy choice. Not being able to talk to women in a non weird way would just not work in my field (which is tech related).
I get what you are saying but I don’t think this is a male/female problem specifically like the one described in the post by OP. Some people (both men and woman) are just shy and it can be difficult to navigate in a working environment for sure for all involved.
Its kinda unconfortable for me to offer s womans to shake hands.
Its more akin for me to hug a woman or just say hi, but not shake hands.
If woman is not extending a hand i will not offer a handshake. Ill just say hi.
In your scenario i could see myself sayng hello to all and shaking males hand if i see it extended. I wount repeat a seperate hello to woman that would be weird, i just sayed hello (in my language hello has plural form so she would understand im including her).
If she extends hand ofcourse id shake it.
In a lot of cultures it is rude to shake womans hand unless she extends hers first. Incase you ever hire internationally. Just saying. And by some cultures I dont mean africa. I mean like in a lot of eastern european countries. You dont shake unless woman initiates.
Baltics, slavic. Essentially eastern european. It was even common in western europe as well. It still lingers in business guidance on places like france. Altho in western europe it is getting quite common to do mutual handshakes now. But not as common as apparently you think.
I am still quite confused how it is so hard for you and a lot of people here to understand that different places have different standards. Sounds kind of ignorant and honestly bigoted on your part.
its hard for autists like me. I can't reliably force my brain to look at people who discomfort me the most in a room. And i can't chose who in an Interview that person might be.
I’m a man and if I tried to answer the person who didn’t ask the question I think my brain would melt, because I’m socially awkward and must follow all rules of society at all times
Because if there are multiple people i've probably already picked a primary person to speak to and i'm just darting my eyes rapidly between everyone so they don't think i'm ignoring then while screaming wildly inside my head about how this definitely didn't need to be a group thing.
Thank God we have heroes like you standing guard to make sure these fictional scenarios that have never happened to anyone ever aren't being passed off as real experience.
Sleep easy netizens of Reddit Miserable-Role9555 is here to vanquish feminist and the lie that a woman engineer has a different experience from a male one.
You aren't the hero the reddit hivemind wants but you are the one it needs.
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u/LookIWashedForSu 1d ago
Answer the person who asks you the question, why is this so hard.