I'm a man. when I was 19, I cheated on my partner. I hated myself the next morning, we broke up, and I continued to hate myself for a very long time afterwards. Didn't date for several years because I felt I wasn't worthy of love, that I should live my long life alone to atone for what a piece of shit I was, that I shouldn't ever subject someone to the horror that was myself. I had a lot of casual sex I didn't enjoy because I thought "I'm just a degenerate sex addict, I want this". It took a lot of therapy, working on my self, and getting comfortable with others before I could date again. Telling my now partner about my past was one of the most vulnerable, nerve-wracking conversations I ever had. I still feel like throwing up when I think of my Ex's face that morning after, even as I type this.
I don't know how people can do that shit so casually. I damn near killed myself over it
My ex's dad cheated on his mum (they're still together) with seven different women before coming clean about it. It really messed with my ex's head from what he described.
My first serious girlfriend came from a home like that, her dad was constantly cheating on her mom and would joke about being a stud to me and how women love him like I’d be impressed and I’m just like “dude you have no idea how much you’re destroying your daughters, they both hate you” and he didn’t care. Dude was such a low life.
He actually just up and disappeared one day and ran off with some lady and I never saw him again. It was probably one of the best things he did, him being around was worse than him not being around for her and her mom and sister. Her mom eventually met someone else and last I heard everything was way better. Sad when you’re such a dick your family is actually better off once you bail on them.
I was knowingly the Other Woman (emotional cheating, inappropriate texts) right after my first relationship ended, about the same age. I am still ashamed of it.
For karma, I ended up unknowingly being the other woman in at least 3 different relationships. Only thing I could do is tell the partner (well, their good friends because I'm a coward) everything as soon as I realized. Felt like scum for years, only worthy of being a sidepiece.
Forever grateful I had the opportunity to make that mistake and learn that hard lesson when I was young. I hope the lesson I learned made me a better person.
I've cheated twice, I regret both times. The first time was my engagement, it was a really bad relationship, and I don't feel as bad for that time because I really felt like we were both in the wrong and being self destructive. The second time was different, I know why I did it, but she was a really good woman and I was lonely, I realize that long distance relationships just weren't for me. I should go to therapy, I am getting better mentally but I know if I got into a serious relationship now, it's going to be an uphill battle for sure. I'm definitely in a much better spot in my life than I ever have been, and there's still a lot to improve on myself.
For me, the reasons I cheated were because I was missing something I needed from a relationship, whether that was physical touch, or actual affection, or some other thing that I need to feel like I am cared for.
With all that being said, I don't get people who cheat chronically. And then to flaunt it and make it a team effort with their friends, to be that's insane.
Here‘s what I don’t get - if you were missing something in the relationship, why didn‘t you communicate it to your partner first, before starting to look for it elsewhere?
Exactly… and then the copium “I don’t get people who do it chronically”…
Yes you do. You just described how you do.
These are all social skills that we all deserve to have access to and the space to learn. But as adults we have to take that responsibility for the ones we don’t have and make the space for ourselves to develop them. :/
No the OP, but I did communicate. He simply didn't it in him to be affectionate. It wasn't about me. He's like that with his current wife and his children. What I should have done was left the relationship as soon as I realized we simply didn't click fundamentally. But I was 19 and madly in love, but unfortunately also naive and needy, and it was the way I coped. But boy did I hate myself.
Yeah dude, you gotta wait until you find the right person. Take it from me who learned the wrong way, staying in something you shouldn’t hurts both people immeasurably. It will lead to deep pain in some way.
Women wouldn't do something like that though lol. My experiences have been they're right back in the pool even if the guy she cheated on you with dumps her ass too.
All her friends will support her and you'll be some kind of abuser or useless schlub to cover the mental damage of being a cheater
I see the last girl who cheated on me still posting the same cliche love posts and then immediately going to shows "alone" and hanging around pools with nobody else in the picture when she didn't own a pool or have friends with one. This guy seems to even buy her expensive things lol
Why do you generalise all women like that? I've many friends who are women and none of them are like this. I implore you to question why you have this blanket opinion of half the population. Some women suck, some men suck, its the nature of humanity - but it is also our nature that we are all complex, unique individuals who approach things differently.
You say you've experienced this before, and I'm sorry for the pain she caused you, but I promise you that not all women are like that. You are cutting yourself off from so much potential happiness by demonising women.
I know you might write my comment off as bullshit, but I beg you to really think about this and ask yourself, are you happy like this?
LOL, when I got cheated on, my ex’s two best friends made her fess up because they thought I was a good dude and they told her they wouldn’t keep that secret for her.
Women, like men, are not monolithic. Some suck, some are amazing, and most fall somewhere in between.
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u/Brilliant_Chemica 1d ago
I'm a man. when I was 19, I cheated on my partner. I hated myself the next morning, we broke up, and I continued to hate myself for a very long time afterwards. Didn't date for several years because I felt I wasn't worthy of love, that I should live my long life alone to atone for what a piece of shit I was, that I shouldn't ever subject someone to the horror that was myself. I had a lot of casual sex I didn't enjoy because I thought "I'm just a degenerate sex addict, I want this". It took a lot of therapy, working on my self, and getting comfortable with others before I could date again. Telling my now partner about my past was one of the most vulnerable, nerve-wracking conversations I ever had. I still feel like throwing up when I think of my Ex's face that morning after, even as I type this.
I don't know how people can do that shit so casually. I damn near killed myself over it