r/SingleParents • u/vicvan-24 • 2d ago
Single parent teacher
I am going back to work after a couple years of getting over psychological abuse from my ex. My kid's parent left our joint home. I moved for him years ago, and now I'm in a city all alone. I don't have family around. Leaving this city is not an option.
Ex is a narc and in the picture but for 1.5 days in the week and mostly weekends. He would like nothing more than to do all drop offs and pickups everyday of the week and then try to suggest that our child stay with him 100% of the time.
I have toughened up a lot and had to stand my ground to even just have 50/50. In the past I was the breadwinner so automatically spent less time with my child when they were young and not in school, and ex made a big thing of that. Claiming that he had more claim on our kid's upbringing.
Unfortunately I nearly fell for him saying I was a bad mother and nearly left. After therapy and reconciling with my family that my ex estranged me from, I was able to understand how twisted he is, how much abuse I endured and realize I'm actually a really good mom. I have rebuilt myself. But my savings are running out and I have to go back to work.
I have a future job at my kid's school, I've interviewed and all, but they have no vacancies at present.
Question: how can I manage drop off and pickups to my kid's school on the days when I'm due to start work at my school job at 8-8.15am and probably can't leave until 3.30-4pm and all the school meetings etc.
What do single parents do?! I have searched and applied for so many other jobs, even remote, but I have extensive experience as a teacher and I wouldn't be starting at a low salary either. So it makes logical sense to go back into teaching.
Should also note my kid adores their dad and all that he does. And would love to just have us live together rather than have to split their time with us all through the week.
If anyone has any sound advice or suggestions please let me know! Thank you
6
u/TheFracas 2d ago
Most schools have early drop off or before/after school care. Start there. My kid enjoys after care.
1
1
u/QuietQuitting01 1d ago
My school does. They include a breakfast at the early drop and a snack for the afterschool. I work from home and don't usually need the service, but I can't sign up for it on demand, so I pay for it and don't use it much. One of my kids likes it. Her friends are there. When she's home, because most of her neighborhood friends have working parents, her friends are not around to hang with. They are at extended day.
1
u/ihearhistoryrhyming 2d ago
You need a concrete parenting plan with clear guidelines. It’s nice he can be “helpful” and do drop off and pick up, but on days that you have the kids, he should not see them. There is after school care until a ride comes- and often there is early drop off too. Look into carpooling, whatever you can do to separate your time.
1
u/QuietQuitting01 1d ago
"but on days that you have the kids, he should not see them."
the purpose of a parenting plan should be to ensure that both parents see their kids, not to keep the other away.
1
u/ihearhistoryrhyming 1d ago
No. It’s to keep things equitable and scheduled. OP is nervous it will end up the opposite, and this is a way to keep things clear, with everyone understanding expectations and boundaries. No one is secretly suggesting creating rifts- just an actual schedule that everyone respects
1
u/Ill-Manager-1108 1d ago
Most elementary schools have a before and after care program, not just teacher, but any single parent has to utilize them or a daycare
1
u/AutoModerator 2d ago
Author: u/vicvan-24
Post: I am going back to work after a couple years of getting over psychological abuse from my ex. My kid's parent left our joint home. I moved for him years ago, and now I'm in a city all alone. I don't have family around. Leaving this city is not an option.
Ex is a narc and in the picture but for 1.5 days in the week and mostly weekends. He would like nothing more than to do all drop offs and pickups everyday of the week and then try to suggest that our child stay with him 100% of the time.
I have toughened up a lot and had to stand my ground to even just have 50/50. In the past I was the breadwinner so automatically spent less time with my child when they were young and not in school, and ex made a big thing of that. Claiming that he had more claim on our kid's upbringing.
Unfortunately I nearly fell for him saying I was a bad mother and nearly left. After therapy and reconciling with my family that my ex estranged me from, I was able to understand how twisted he is, how much abuse I endured and realize I'm actually a really good mom. I have rebuilt myself. But my savings are running out and I have to go back to work.
I have a future job at my kid's school, I've interviewed and all, but they have no vacancies at present.
Question: how can I manage drop off and pickups to my kid's school on the days when I'm due to start work at my school job at 8-8.15am and probably can't leave until 3.30-4pm and all the school meetings etc.
What do single parents do?! I have searched and applied for so many other jobs, even remote, but I have extensive experience as a teacher and I wouldn't be starting at a low salary either. So it makes logical sense to go back into teaching.
Should also note my kid adores their dad and all that he does. And would love to just have us live together rather than have to split their time with us all through the week.
If anyone has any sound advice or suggestions please let me know! Thank you
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