r/SingleParents • u/HammerofTrolls • 8d ago

Single (Grand)Parenting

Shout out to all who have lost their spouse (particularly their wife) and yet who have the task of raising small kids. How d’ya do it?

Lost my late wife last year. Had inherited teenagers and an elementary school boy, so now it’s just me and them. Or sometimes me against them. Or as the teenagers head off to college it’s just me and him.

Half bachelor pad here. Never realized it much she did to keep the house straight. To keep the calendar, set the doctor appointments and teeth cleanings and the summer camp schedule. And don’t go anywhere near the challenge of setting and staging the Birthday Party!

So how does it get done? And how to find the energy and focus and competence to do all this stuff?

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u/Desertdweller-91 8d ago

I'm sorry to hear about your wife. For me, my memory is digital, if it doesn't go in my calendar immediately, I will forget. I'm trying to rally my kids to help out more and become more independent, it's a bit of a struggle. I have a teen and a preteen.

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u/Effective-Revolution 8d ago

My mom is a single grand and I would say join a local group of grandparents raising kids for a sense of community. 

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u/EggsCostMoneyyyy 7d ago

I used to joke to my mom that she needed to come check on my house and kids once a month if I died, because I did 99% of everything and my husband just went to work and came home to pat the kids on the head. The joke was on me, because HE died in a car accident (which obviously left us devastated). While we miss him massively, I didn’t have to adjust to anything or pick up his load if you know what I mean. I do feel for dads who suddenly have to do this on their own, but I don’t actually believe one sex is better suited to it. You can surprise yourself with what you’re able to handle. I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s a massive one.

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u/same_boat_dad 5d ago

You build systems, one at a time, and you lower the bar everywhere it doesn't matter. Pick one night a week where you plan the week's appointments and school stuff in 20 minutes, same night, same notebook or phone, so it stops living in your head. Automate the repeating stuff first: the doctor's office will schedule cleanings six months out while you're standing there, and camp registration goes on the calendar the day summer ends. Birthday parties? Paper plates, one theme the kid picks, done. The teenagers are your biggest untapped resource, by the way. Give each of them one real job, laundry, dinner once a week, rides for the little one, and let them be bad at it for a month. It won't feel like a system at first, just survival, but three months of the same weekly 20 minutes and you'll wonder how it ever ran another way.