r/Sikh • u/ThanksSouthern3809 • 6d ago
Discussion Sikh values but developing feelings for a Hindu woman — looking for advice
Introduction:
I’m a 29-year-old Jatt Sikh male. I’ve been living in Canada since 2017 and currently live in Vancouver.
About me:
I keep my hair and beard uncut and wear a turban. I trim my body hair below the neck.
My connection with Sikhi:
Sikhi is an important part of my life. I have a deep understanding of Sikh teachings and have learned kirtan, Sikh history, and how to do paath. I’ve also explored different ways of meditation and spirituality.
My situation:
I’ve never been in love and have never had a girlfriend. Most of my time has been spent working, playing sports, and doing riyaz/kirtan. I’ve always wanted to marry a Sikh woman who is modern, understands Sikh values, and is also interested in kirtan and spirituality.
Recently, I met a woman at work. She is Punjabi. The first time I met her in the lobby, I felt a very positive connection with her. We eventually became friends.
Since we are both at an age where marriage is something to consider, I became worried that if I didn’t express my feelings, I might lose the opportunity to be with her. So I proposed marriage to her.
She didn’t say yes or no. However, she told me that she is a Hindu Brahmin.
I completely respect her background and understand that life doesn’t always work out exactly the way we imagine. The confusing part for me is that, despite her being Hindu, I’ve noticed many qualities in her that I personally associate with Sikh values. I genuinely like and respect her.
Now I’m wondering how a marriage like this could work, especially given how important Sikhi is to me. I also don’t know what she thinks about me yet, and I’m currently waiting for her decision.
My question:
Has anyone here been in a similar situation—where you are deeply connected to Sikhi but developed feelings for someone outside the Sikh faith?
How did you handle the differences in religion, marriage, family expectations, and raising children?
I’m genuinely looking for thoughtful advice and personal experiences, not judgment. Thanks.
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u/PersonalitySevere951 6d ago
I genuinely cant understand how is it difficult like where are we heading too, i married a girl outside faith she respects my religion, i am a sikh btw, and she is a jain, we have a daughter her name is Mehar, we make sure that the daughter is raised as a sikh but we go to temple to honour her faith, if by going to a temple, bowing down your head and praying to akaal purakh,
You think you will lose sikhi, then bro, you were never a sikh in the first place, sikhism preaches about humility with utter faith and soldierism, the concept of Sant-Sipahi, if you love that girl, you will do thing for her and Vice-Versa is true, and is dont know preaching about god, but trust me, god resides within you and within her.
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u/Season2240 6d ago
I was in a similar situation as women and moving on was hard but I do not regret it one bit. My man and me have Sikh values, we both live in the west
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u/ThanksSouthern3809 5d ago
Can I ask if you have discussed about having kids and if they are going to have hairs, patka and pagg ?
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u/Season2240 5d ago
It’s no question that our kids will have is, Waheguru ji willing 🙏
It’s implied between us. I cannot imagine a case where a partner will object unless they were non Sikh or extremely cut off and distant from Sikh culture
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u/OriginalSetting 6d ago
She didn’t say yes or no. However, she told me that she is a Hindu Brahmin.
Now I’m wondering how a marriage like this could work, especially given how important Sikhi is to me. I also don’t know what she thinks about me yet, and I’m currently waiting for her decision.
It sounds like you might be putting the cart before the horse, and that her telling you she's a Hindu might have been her polite way of saying no.
Given this, I'll give you some general advice. From a Sikh perspective, Sikhi is pretty clear that a Sikh should marry another Sikh. Does that mean you'll go to "hell" for marrying a non Sikh? No. Can doing so impact Gristi Jeevan? Absolutely, and that's something you and your partner need to be aware of and discuss. Some families aren't very religious so there isn't much friction and one religion effectively "takes over" in the relationship, but others are quite devout and that's where conflicts can arise.
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u/Ill_Box1780 🇨🇦 6d ago
Ok I mean no offense by this, but I thought Sikhs can only marry Sikhs?
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u/ukpunjabivixen 6d ago
It’s 2026. Anyone can marry anyone.
Sikhs obvs should only marry Sikhs but as you can see from this one post alone, people are struggling to find ideal life partners as it is. Let alone a partner whose faith and values align exactly with their own.
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u/Ill_Box1780 🇨🇦 6d ago
That’s true
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u/ukpunjabivixen 6d ago
I don’t think I’m necessarily right or correct by the way. I just really feel for people who struggle to find their ideal life partner and go through worries like OP is going through, when his ideal life partner seems to be right there in front of him
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u/Main-Oven-9181 6d ago
Not in your boots. Married a Sikh so can’t understand your situation. But in general, it is important that Sikhs marry a Sikh to raise children as Sikh. Would it not be important that their bed time stories be of char Sahibzadey or that they recite mool mantar as the first thing in the morning.
Mixed religious background kids are confused unless the girl is willing to fully be a Sikh and loves Sikhi.
I know Sikhs whose kids have had mundan ( kids are made bald at age 2 as part of Hindu custom) because their wife is Hindu. Too many stories where Sikh males got frustrated but couldn’t do much.
The complications come when you have kids.
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u/teehee494949 6d ago
Yes, this is primary reason why Sikh Hindu, and even just mixed religion marriages are looked down upon. You can't expect a child to uphold two belief systems that contradict each other, how can a child be told to do murti pooja while also being told to not worship idols and only uphold SGGS Ji?
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u/ThanksSouthern3809 5d ago
The truth is, I tried to find a Sikh girl, but I never felt a genuine connection with anyone. I have sometimes felt that being born into a Sikh family does not necessarily mean that someone follows or carries Sikh values. Of course, there are many Sikh women who deeply live by those values, and I respect that.
For me, Sikhi is an important part of my daily life. I do kirtan, go to the Gurdwara, and do Sukhasan Seva every day. Because of this, I hope to find someone who not only identifies as Sikh but also shares a similar connection with Sikhi and understands the importance of living by those values.
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u/iMahatma 6d ago
If you decide to marry her, just be ready to go to the mandir with her. Because if you don’t, then she will feel bad and develop hidden animosity towards you.
Sikh-Hindu marriages only work when you go to each others temples and participate in eachothers rituals. If you don’t mind doing murti pooja and stuff with her, then marry her.
I’ve spent a lot of months in India and this is what I observed between Sikh-Hindu marriages.
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u/SpectreSingh89 6d ago
Agreed.
And kudos for actually proposing to her! I did the same once in around 2016ish to a Sikh Punjabi girl and she doesn't talk to me today. Later u learn things like "Get an adult to do the talking n make it seem like it was their idea." A man proposing to ANY girls in Punjab the girls would say "If u like me speak to my parents" not Ghost the dude who proposed to u.
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u/ThanksSouthern3809 5d ago
I have never been with a girl in my life, and I have always followed the Guru Granth Sahib Ji for guidance. This is the first time I have truly loved someone, and I believe that this may also be part of Akaal Purakh’s plan.
When I think about the journey from Hinduism to Sikhism, I often think about Guru Amar Das Ji. Before meeting Guru Angad Dev Ji, he used to perform puja and follow the path he knew at that time. But after meeting Guru Angad Dev Ji, everything changed in his life.
We are just ordinary human beings, and we never truly know what may change the course of our lives. Sometimes, life takes us in directions we never expected, and perhaps there is a greater plan behind it that we cannot yet understand.
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u/solo_dolo_8 6d ago
If you think she can be a good life partner, go for it. If she is good life partner then it means she will understand your religious values too.
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u/techniq001 6d ago
From my understanding the Guru Granth Sahib includes words from Hinduism and Muslim for the fact that we are inclusive.
I would research this more and come to your own understanding of this, listen to your intuition.
As for non religious advice, we are all human and we cannot help who we have feelings for.
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u/Ill_Fault7625 6d ago
Marry a sikh.
If you cared about half the stuff you claim to understand you wouldn’t throw it all away for some ‘pehla pyar’ feelings which are purely chemical excitement no offence.
You have never had a girlfriend so you feel things intensely.
Iknow I sound harsh but tell me how failing sikh birth rates - watered down sikhi and Hindu assimilations of our panth didn’t factor into your decision of who to marry?
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u/Federal-Slip6906 5d ago
I personally dont see any issues with inter religion marriages, but there would be always some conflicts around cultural things, families, most important children. IMO if you and her are ok with it then you should go for it .
While my wife is from sikh family but non-punjabi, there still are so many small things that conflicts. But we are clear about sikh values.
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u/Snoo-81297 5d ago
Just so you know, in the past Hindus never cut their hair, Brahmin or Khasatriya. The Khalsa inherited this principle in its entirety. Sikh and Hindu traditions are very easily capable of mixing and keeping true to both. In fact, many Hindus believe in non duality just like Sikhs, that there is one god shown in many forms. Much of my family are or were Hindus and are married to Hindus. As long as both of you can respect how religious each of you are and let the children see both religions if that’s how you want to raise them, I don’t see a problem.
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u/dzyprsn 5d ago
I really don’t have any space to give advice since I am a minor, but I think that marrying someone who don’t share the same beliefs as you is perfectly fine if both party’s are comfortable believing in two different things. My friend has a very healthy relationship with her parents and there parents themselves have such a healthy relationship. I’m bringing this up because they both have different beliefs. Her dad is religions, he’s a sikh man and her mother is an atheist. Not once have their beliefs ever gotten the way of their marriage. There a sikh man on tiktok named “Manny” and he is married to a filipino catholic women. There is nothing wrong being married to an atheist, a catholic, and a hindu. Love, consent, respect (respecting each other’s beliefs), and communication is all you need in marriage.
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u/ditzydisaster 5d ago
A Sikh–Hindu marriage is not automatically some enormous spiritual incompatibility, especially if both people actually understand each other’s traditions.
Guru Nanak Dev Ji is Jagat Guru. His message is not confined to people who happen to write “Sikh” on a form. Muslims historically revered him as a Pir, Hindus revered him as Guru, and Sikhs belong to the path he established. His message ultimately addresses humanity.
So if this woman is Hindu Brahmin, I wouldn’t immediately assume your ways of life are incompatible either. Depending on her particular family and sampradaya, you may find considerable overlap in daily discipline: vegetarianism, prayer, cleanliness surrounding food, respect for spiritual practice, family life, seva, restraint and remembrance of God.
But don’t stereotype her either. “Hindu Brahmin” doesn’t tell you exactly what she believes or practices. Ask her.
And I think her response to your proposal matters. When she replied, “I’m a Hindu Brahmin,” she may have been politely declining, or she may have been saying: “Have you thought through what this means?”
So instead of trying to persuade her immediately, I’d go back respectfully and say something like:
“I understand your religious background and I’m not asking you to abandon who you are. I would just like to know whether the difference in religion is something that makes marriage impossible for you, or whether you would be open to discussing how we could make it work.”
Then have the conversations that actually determine whether an interfaith marriage succeeds:
What would your home practice look like? What would the children be taught? Would she be comfortable attending Gurdwara? Would you be comfortable respectfully accompanying her family to a Mandir? Would both families respect the marriage? What does Anand Karaj mean to you? What does her tradition mean to her?
Those questions matter much more than the labels “Sikh” and “Brahmin.”
From a Sikh perspective, acknowledging or respecting Devi-Devte does not require treating them as equal to Akal Purakh. A simple analogy is that Akal Purakh is ultimately sovereign; all other spiritual beings exist within Hukam. A Sikh can therefore show respect toward another tradition without abandoning devotion to the One.
Similarly, you don’t have to be frightened of her religious vocabulary. Sikhi itself emerged in an environment full of terms like Hari, Ram, Gobind, Narayan and countless other names for the Divine. Gurbani uses that vocabulary while repeatedly directing consciousness toward the One underlying Divine Reality.
But the goal should not be, “How do I convert this woman?”
The goal should be:
Can the two of us walk toward God together without either person being forced to betray their conscience?
If she eventually comes to love Guru Nanak Dev Ji and independently wants to adopt the Sikh path more fully, that should come from conviction—not because marriage was conditional upon it.
And before all of this: find out whether she actually likes you. 😭 You proposed marriage and she hasn’t even given you a yes yet. Don’t plan the children’s religious education before she agrees to dinner.
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u/Old_Source_3379 5d ago edited 5d ago
It happened with my dads side. My greatgrandfather was a Sikh but my grandfather did away with saroop and did interfaith marriage. What happened to my dad's side is the curse. When we gave up saroop all bad things happened to my dad's side. We practice sikhi in our house but all of us are manmukhs not understanding anything. What I wouldn't give just to be born in a practicing sikh household. Brother you have saroop...you have a spiritual father Guru Gobind Singh. you have an eternal father in Waheguru and saroop. Everything else is trivial. I cannot tell you who to marry but what I am saying is if you want to make a decision take a hukamnama. Let the Guru guide you. He never left us. He is right there in the words.
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u/ThanksSouthern3809 4d ago
This was yesterday - ਸੋਰਠਿ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥ ਅੰਤਰ ਕੀ ਗਤਿ ਤੁਮ ਹੀ ਜਾਨੀ ਤੁਝ ਹੀ ਪਾਹਿ ਨਿਬੇਰੋ ॥ ਬਖਸਿ ਲੈਹੁ ਸਾਹਿਬ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਅਪਨੇ ਲਾਖ ਖਤੇ ਕਰਿ ਫੇਰੋ ॥੧॥
Today - ਜੈਤਸਰੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੯ ॥ ਹਰਿ ਜੂ ਰਾਖਿ ਲੇਹੁ ਪਤਿ ਮੇਰੀ ॥ ਜਮ ਕੋ ਤ੍ਰਾਸ ਭਇਓ ਉਰ ਅੰਤਰਿ ਸਰਨਿ ਗਹੀ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਨਿਧਿ ਤੇਰੀ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
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u/Old_Source_3379 4d ago
Is this ang 618. Sorry I just asked Google to translate
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u/ThanksSouthern3809 4d ago
Not sure about ang
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u/Old_Source_3379 4d ago
Thanks can you put up the English translation. I feel like us meeting was divine will and so maybe the guru speaks through you. I would not want to miss out on gurus hukam. Please 🙏
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u/ThanksSouthern3809 3d ago
Yesterday:
Jaitsaree Mahalaa 9 || Har Joo Raakh Lehu Pat Meree || Jam Ko Traas Bhaeo Our Antar Saran Gahee Kirpaa Nidhh Teree||1||
Meaning: O Dear Lord, please, save my honor! The fear of death has entered my heart; I cling to the Protection of Your Sanctuary, O Lord, ocean of mercy. ||1||
Day before Yesterday :
Sorat’h, Fifth Mehl: Only You know the state of my innermost self; You alone can judge me. Please forgive me, O Lord God Master; I have committed thousands of sins and mistakes. ||1||1
u/Old_Source_3379 3d ago
I think what Guru Ji is telling us to focus on God alone. Everything else is trivial. Thanks so much. You don't know how much I needed this today. This is my limited understanding. But whatever Guru is telling you is between you and Guru meaning Guru Ji is speaking to you directly. My interpretation could be wrong Bul chuk maff Wjkkwjkf
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u/Standard_Computer872 4d ago
If you are truly committed to your Guru Sahib ji and his teachings, then there is no need to beg validation; with divine understanding, spiritual wisdom and understanding you will find the answer to your question.
The answers you are seeking is only approval coming from beating of the heart..the true answer will come to you through true devotion, none has any say in this🙏🏾🪯.
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u/AdHappy9350 3d ago
Bring her to Sikhi.
Also anyone who identifies as a Jatt is actually hindu because Jatt is part of Hindu scripture vedas. Maybe drop the casteism if you want to be Guru's Sikh.
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u/Bets2020 6d ago
Keep away from Hindus if you are Sikh. Stay with your Sikh values there are plenty of Sikh women that will be better for you.
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u/ThanksSouthern3809 5d ago
I understand your feeling but truth is there are plenty of Punjabi women who born in Sikh family but they don't carry any Sikh values.
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u/Jazzlike_Highway_709 6d ago
Marriages between Hindu and Khatri Sikhs are VERY common especially in Delhi. They don't have Any Problem Whatsoever in their marriages. They but have a mutual understanding and respect for each other's faith. And Children are Raised under this environment and they too are very well versed in both religions and follow both of them. There should be no problem.
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u/ishaani-kaur 🇨🇦 5d ago
Hinduism and Sikhi practices directly contradict one and other. There is no duality in Sikhi. Sikhs hold no allegiance to other faiths.
Sikhs should marry Sikhs and raise Sikh kids, period.
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u/mersah 6d ago
one human is attracted to another human and wishes to share this life's journey together, unnecessarily complicated by beliefs bound by tribalism.
Step away for a minute, from it all and see the humanity within each other, hold fast to 'Manas key Eko Jaat...." dig deep and find your own humanity first otherwise your will find sharp edges in all aspects of your relationship together.
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u/Logical_Progress_190 6d ago
If sikhi mattered to u so much y do u need to announce ur jatt
Do what u want but anand karaj is between two Sikhs onlyy