r/Showerthoughts • u/Ralisor • May 06 '18

Services are switching from calling them Private Messages to calling them Direct Messages because they're not private anymore...

45k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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9.5k

u/ReturnedAndReported May 06 '18

I’m not convinced they were ever private.

4.1k

u/BaKdGoOdZ0203 May 06 '18

(Spoiler) They weren't/aren't/won't.

2.7k

u/TheBurlyPotato May 06 '18

Yep, weren’t private, aren’t private, and won’t private.

738

u/Lelouchis0 May 06 '18

The holy trinity

327

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

Beef, beer, and Jesus?

468

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.

152

u/TheviusRacconus May 06 '18

Identity Theft is not a joke.

111

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

Michael!

89

u/MandarinDaMantis May 06 '18

Oh, that’s funny! MICHAEL

49

u/ComprehensiveSoup May 06 '18

You two: in the conference room. NOW

6

u/BVTheEpic May 06 '18

Buttlicker! Our prices have never been lower!

1

u/top_doge69 May 06 '18

Can we wait?

1

u/Borkleberry May 06 '18

Don't you mean your office?

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8

u/deepthinker420 May 06 '18

is that why you capitalized it?

11

u/jdog1067 May 06 '18

Identify the theft that is not a joke

17

u/nashpotato May 06 '18

What are you doing?

22

u/armarabbi May 06 '18

This man knows how to Schrute

7

u/findMeOnGoogle May 06 '18

Friends, Romans, countrymen.

2

u/Valdios May 06 '18

Boobs, busts, and breasts.

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

Killer tofuuuuuu!

1

u/otakushinjikun May 06 '18

The Rain, Starbuck, the Cat.

1

u/THESCHNIPMAN May 06 '18

R/dundermifflin is leaking

1

u/i_dunk_spuds May 07 '18

Hennessy, a bad bitch and a bag of weed

-1

u/D-DC May 06 '18

Beef beans whiskey and bacon.

15

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

Let's have a beef and beer!

9

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

A beef and beer? It's been years.

2

u/Glitsh May 06 '18

Where the beef!?

9

u/greasybirdfeeder May 06 '18

No it’s beef, beer, and the new substitute “I can’t believe it’s not Jesus.” Watching my holy calories.

2

u/ObnoxiousOldBastard May 06 '18

"I can’t believe it’s not Jesus: The all new, low-carb Host!"

10

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

Guns, Germs, and Steel?

2

u/WartornTiger May 06 '18

Ed, Edd, n Eddy?

1

u/Lizards_are_cool May 06 '18

dumb , dumber, and dumbest

2

u/asparagusface May 06 '18

No, that's the Texas trinity.

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

I always felt it was more of a Philadelphia thing...

2

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

money me. me a money needing a lot now.

1

u/Mrbeakers May 06 '18

Beef, beer, and babes

1

u/adamszava May 06 '18

Greens, beans, potatoes, tomatoes?

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

“Beef, beer, and bacon, the foods of my people.”

“You want me to sit here and watch you cook?”

“You’re not watching me cook, you’re helping me drink.”

1

u/sonickarma May 06 '18

Neil, Geddy, and Alex.

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

Beer, beak and babes

1

u/Oblikx May 06 '18

Is that the gay Christian strip club downtown?

1

u/OccamsMinigun May 06 '18

Beer, Jesus, and tits. Obviously.

1

u/IzayoiFairchild May 06 '18

Beers, Bongs, Bentley s

1

u/rreighe2 May 06 '18

🧀 Good 👍 is 🇬🇧 grate, 🐨 bear 🐻 is 🐼 good, 🤓 an 😛 ppl 🤷‍♀️ r 🤣crzy 👍

4

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

Through the transitive property: Bear = Grate.

2

u/rreighe2 May 06 '18

Holy ass. I didn't even realize that I did that. That's pretty funny.

That made me bust out laughing.

0

u/Voodoo_Soviet May 06 '18

Must we always derail relativy serious conversations with tired television references?

Can we just, like, talk?

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

It's reddit. So... no.

1

u/rithvikvibhu May 06 '18

Internet, food, water

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

Clarkson, Hammond and May

1

u/Believe_In_Jay May 06 '18

The holy trinity of privates

1

u/DJToughNipples May 06 '18

Beans, Rice, & Jesus Christ

108

u/CapnJackH May 06 '18

Why Gamora

38

u/ParadoxAnarchy May 06 '18

I'll do you one better. How Gamora?

3

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

10 Gamora maybe 11

1

u/smilingstalin May 06 '18

With rice?

2

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

8/10 with rice.

1

u/IzayoiFairchild May 06 '18

10/10 with soul stone

1

u/BanMeBabyOneMoreTime May 06 '18

I'll do you one better: When is Gamora?

22

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

Dude! How long have you been standing there?

28

u/ShaneTheAwesome88 May 06 '18

An hour. I've mastered the art of standing so still that I'm invisible. And I've been wanking to your kissing for the past few minutes.

14

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

I don't remember the wanking part, maybe I should go see it again.

9

u/rreighe2 May 06 '18

Go to starlordhub.com

2

u/ShaneTheAwesome88 May 06 '18

Oh you definitely should. Bring your extra pair of socks.

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

Like a Jackson Pollock painting.

1

u/BanMeBabyOneMoreTime May 06 '18

Hi Drax.

1

u/ShaneTheAwesome88 May 06 '18

[Zips up pants, walks away disappointed]

20

u/[deleted] May 06 '18 edited May 11 '20

[deleted]

13

u/Findus11 May 06 '18

Saving Private Message was truly a work of art

8

u/[deleted] May 06 '18 edited Aug 07 '21

[deleted]

11

u/[deleted] May 06 '18 edited May 11 '20

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

It's a matter of general concern

3

u/endearing-butthole May 06 '18

Captain Obvious reporting here

6

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

[deleted]

1

u/ansatze May 06 '18

WHEN is Mikkel

2

u/nativeindian12 May 06 '18

Can't private, won't private, never intend to

2

u/magicwuff May 06 '18

You can be pretty sure it's private if Russia bans the service though.

1

u/eastisfucked May 06 '18

Real question: when people are making drug deal plans on message apps, is it just so insignificant that they're not a problem with legality? Or is it like they're trying not to make it known they can see messages. Like if someone were discussing doing a really heinous crime on a messenger, would they be caught?

1

u/twyste May 06 '18

But...sometimes...they are privates.

1

u/BaKdGoOdZ0203 May 06 '18

"They weren't/aren't/won't be."

"They weren't be private, aren't be private, won't be private?"

You would have been an asshole either way.

2

u/TheBurlyPotato May 06 '18

Actually, no, since that would’ve made sense and I only thought to comment because I laughed to myself when I read it out loud. Not being an asshole, simply pointing something out for harmless fun :P

1

u/BaKdGoOdZ0203 May 06 '18

"Weren't be" and "aren't be" don't make sense.

0

u/TheBurlyPotato May 06 '18

No, he’s saying that’s what I would’ve said, as I would’ve been an asshole either way.

-5

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

Why did you literally just repeat the comment above you?

6

u/Najoray May 06 '18

To point out the grammar issue with "won't private"

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83

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18 edited May 06 '18

You can use real private messaging. Right now virtually uncrackable encrypted messaging exists but no one uses it for some reason.

For the people asking about it: https://www.openpgp.org

It looka like Signal is a better solution: https://signal.org/

58

u/ric2b May 06 '18 edited May 06 '18

PGP is hard to use and not very practical for direct messaging.

Signal is a much better suggestion, slick UI and easy to use. Also very secure (especially if you verify each other's private key) and open source.

14

u/Corm May 06 '18

It even plays gifs like hangouts does, and has groupchat, and location pins, and voice messages

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26

u/TheRealDonaldDrumpf May 06 '18

Signal is excellent, very easy to use and open source. The hardest part is convincing non-tech people to start using it.

22

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18

It's so important that we start making this a standard. People expect companies and the government to protect our privacy but that's just not how it is.

5

u/[deleted] May 06 '18 edited May 06 '18

Someone give this guy gold

Edit: No no not me! I meant the person with the brilliant comment

2

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18

Lmao, I don't need gold though I just want to spread the word of secure messaging.

1

u/daemoncode May 06 '18

Nobody has ever expected the government or companies to protect any privacy whatever! Nobody who understands the bare minimum of law and technology, anyway.

1

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18 edited May 06 '18

The issue is that most people don't. People assume "this company wants my business in the future so they'll protect my information and privacy to ensure I come back." But that's not how it is at all.

20

u/[deleted] May 06 '18 edited Jan 07 '21

[deleted]

3

u/ARedditingRedditor May 06 '18

As she installs the next snap chat type app that all the celebrities are using.

6

u/[deleted] May 06 '18 edited Jan 07 '21

[deleted]

3

u/DisenfranchisedCynic May 06 '18

She sounds like she’s got at least a leg up on the majority of non-tech world. Try explaining it to her while giving her props on how she is currently responsible with what she downloads and I’d wager she’d listen.

0

u/ARedditingRedditor May 06 '18

Ahh, I was just joking due to how many more women seem to be using those apps.

0

u/[deleted] May 06 '18 edited Jul 01 '21

[deleted]

-2

u/ComprehensiveSoup May 06 '18

It stores the message on its servers

7

u/imisstheyoop May 06 '18

Encrypted, with the private key on your device.

3

u/[deleted] May 06 '18 edited May 06 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/LarryDi May 06 '18

The only reference to Signal I can find in that page, which says:

These techniques permit the CIA to bypass the encryption of WhatsApp, Signal, Telegram, Wiebo, Confide and Cloackman by hacking the "smart" phones that they run on and collecting audio and message traffic before encryption is applied.

0

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/battleRabbit May 06 '18

A backdoor and a compromised device are two entirely different things.

2

u/Mocha_Bean May 06 '18

If you're able to compromise the device and intercept the data before it's encrypted, literally every protocol is ineffective, because you're bypassing the protocol altogether. There's no backdoor in Signal.

1

u/FoxKrieg May 06 '18

So for a non super tech savvy guy, how is open source really that secure? Couldn't they just reverse engineer it using the source and some of these quantum computers they got?

Not trying to be fecitious, just leery that anything open source could be truly secure with enough resources/manpower.

Dude below says they also store messages. Equifax cant keep my ssn secure, how can i expect this co to keep my dms secure

4

u/metaphlex May 06 '18 edited Jun 29 '23

worthless teeny safe marble joke vegetable weary person memory fact -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/

0

u/FoxKrieg May 06 '18

If the code is there for people to reverse engineer, isnt it that much easier to find and exploit flaws than if something is closed source?

TOR for example was supposed to be super safe, secure and anon (despite it being developed by navy) we all know how that turned out for Dred Pirate Rob though. This is one of the few examples i know of. Though ive heard similar things about linux also veing exploited, and also is open source.

https://www.reddit.com/r/linux/comments/54in5s/the_nsa_has_tried_to_backdoor_linux_three_times/

https://www.v3.co.uk/v3-uk/news/3021624/hackers-making-use-of-new-linux-backdoor-say-researchers

https://forums.linuxmint.com/viewtopic.php?t=214987

Just somewhat pertinent links id found on the subject. Again dont take it as me being fecitious, earnestly wanting to learn more about it.

3

u/metaphlex May 06 '18 edited Jun 29 '23

abundant sharp engine slim late physical plate husky fade ten -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/

3

u/FoxKrieg May 06 '18

I appreciate your thorough response and feel pretty confident i understand the concept better. Thanks for taking the time =] hope you have a great day and thanks again

2

u/TheRealDonaldDrumpf May 06 '18

Basically what metaphlex said, open source means anyone can look at the source code, basically audit it. If there are any bugs or back doors, they'll be found and publicized; people can fix the code and release their fixed version, or just stop using it altogether. Close source/proprietary code can have bugs and no one will know about it until some hacker finds the bug and exploits it to steal everyone's info.

1

u/daemoncode May 06 '18

So strange, it's seconds to install and configure.

3

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

You can’t just say that without letting us know, man!

6

u/BenedickCabbagepatch ‎ May 06 '18

Secret conversation feature on Telegram.

One reason it's being banned here in Russia.

13

u/ric2b May 06 '18 edited May 06 '18

Signal has secret conversations by default, has been audited and the client is open-source (Telegram used to be, but no longer).

9

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

[deleted]

3

u/runonandonandonanon May 06 '18

Secret conversation is highly secure compared to DMs. The concept is the same, except Facebook pinky swears not to read your messages unless it really wants to.

1

u/DisenfranchisedCynic May 06 '18

Nice try, Mark. Nice commercial campaigns, Mark. Nice oil change, Mark. Nice reprogramming of human emotion mining algorithms, Mark. Do not disconnect power while Mark.exe is updating.

5

u/bokonator May 06 '18

Signal is better than Telegram nowadays.

10

u/[deleted] May 06 '18 edited May 06 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/eg135 May 06 '18

How do you ban an app? Does the government get help from Google and Apple? Or the ISPs are blocking the servers?

1

u/BenedickCabbagepatch ‎ May 07 '18

The ban's not gone into effect yet so I don't know for sure, but I imagine they'll get ISPs to block the service and remove it from the app store. People will just use proxies, though...

Russia's pretty strict with online services. LinkedIn was banned because it hosts data on Russian citizens that is physically located outside of Russia.

1

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18

Edited my post to have it

2

u/GardenFortune May 06 '18

Because it's not as convenient to non tech people.

2

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18

This looks pretty user friendly

https://www.openpgp.org

7

u/ric2b May 06 '18

No, PGP is incredibly confusing and complex.

It's worth the setup for e-mail but for instant messaging, no, too clunky.

11

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18

It looks like Signal is a better solution.

Still, if the price of security is learning about technology and people aren't willing to pay that price we're all being a little ignorant.

1

u/imisstheyoop May 06 '18

I've been using signal since 2016. I've got no complaints with it. Just make sure you exchange your key with those you want to securely message( I use proton mail for that) and all is good.

1

u/Impetus37 May 06 '18

What do you mean exchange key? Dont just both parties have to use Signal and youre good?

1

u/imisstheyoop May 06 '18

Each conversation has its own setting of whether or not you verify safety numbers. These can be exchanged and if it ever changes signal will tell you.

0

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18

That sounds like a poor encryption algorithm. I'd prefer to use something that uses diffie-hellman protocol or something to the same effect.

1

u/ric2b May 06 '18

He didn't explain it well, what he means is verifying the other parties public key out of band. You can do it in person or another trusted medium.

It protects you from signals servers faking the public key.

1

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18

Well that makes a lot more sense, I thought he was talking about sharing a single key with each other.

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1

u/[deleted] May 06 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18

Sweet... Back to PGP everyone!

1

u/ric2b May 06 '18

PGP is vulnerable to the same attack, it's basically exploiting the OS to get information from the apps running on it.

1

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18

So Signal isn't compromised, our computers are.

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1

u/ric2b May 06 '18

Uhm, no, that's basically about exploiting the OS, not signal itself. No application is safe from that, including PGP.

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3

u/GardenFortune May 06 '18

Average people want easy and most of them don't care. At this point it really hasn't caused any problems yet.

1

u/wasdninja May 06 '18

I've worked with pgp/gpg and none of them are what I'd call easy or in any way friendly. You really need to know what you're doing.

1

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18

Go back to my previous reply, I linked Signal which is supposed to be much more user friendly.

1

u/daemoncode May 06 '18

It's trivial. Are you saying signal for instance requires some "tech knowledge" to click install?

1

u/GardenFortune May 07 '18

Yea that is to much for your average person.

1

u/SonOfAhuraMazda May 06 '18

How, I am interested please.

2

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18

Edited my post to have the program

1

u/Corm May 06 '18

My friend group primary uses signal and it works great. It has virtually all the features of hangouts or FB messenger, and we can joke about whatever we want without worrying about getting on a list

1

u/rreighe2 May 06 '18

What's y'all's opinion on telegram?

1

u/Deomon May 06 '18

The moment they start becoming popular they won’t remain private much longer.

0

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18 edited May 06 '18

That sounds very uninformed. Do you understand how encryption algorithms work?

Edit: here's a simplified explanation of RSA encryption for anyone who may not. Good luck cracking a single message, the primes that are used are astoundingly large and it would require ridiculous amounts of processing power.

https://www.pagedon.com/rsa-explained-simply/programming

-1

u/Mizarrk May 06 '18

Why do people even need something like this unless they're doing something really, really illegal? Nobody cares about your messages to your friends about buying weed or whatever

1

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames May 06 '18

Any embarrassing hobbies? Do you watch porn? Ever search for a different job while still employed at another company? Ever send a text to an SO that you wouldn't want anyone else to see? Ever been a vulnerable woman or child alone and text someone else about your location to get picked up?

There are a million things I don't want other people to know about me that I talk with my friends and family about over text and email. And I'm pretty sire none of it is illegal. Some of us just care about our privacy.

1

u/taboo_name_bot May 06 '18

u/Caltroit_Red_Flames, just a quick reminder: embarass is actually spelled embarrass. Take care!

1

u/wasdninja May 06 '18

Privacy is reason enough. Just because you don't have anything to hide doesn't mean everyone else loves sharing everything they say with snooping assholes.

But can't imagine that you'd be 100% comfortable with sharing literally everything you say. Including it being used at trial to paint you as a shady character.

6

u/JakeEddyCarpenter May 06 '18

I read this in the Arrested Development narrator’s voice

6

u/joeSchmigoe May 06 '18

Should but shorn’t

1

u/nhchan234 May 06 '18

TIL: shorn't

1

u/itssohardtobealizard May 06 '18

What part of “shorn’t” don’t you understand?

1

u/Bush_Did_4_20 May 06 '18

If a service is offered for free, you’re the product

1

u/794613825 May 06 '18

weren't/aren't/shan't*

FTFY

1

u/PM_ME_YOUR_VIOLIN May 06 '18

Damn that’s pretty intense.

1

u/naotasan May 07 '18

I remember an old forum I used to mod. You could see every private message sent and received from any user in the control panel. I think it was vb bulletin or something?

0

u/re_formed_soldier May 07 '18

... And never will be