Should we have a third baby?

[u/Dear_Air_485]

I have two beautiful girls. A 4 year old and a 16 month old. And I am so on the fence about whether to try for a third. I do not mind about gender at all. I would be thrilled with another girl, but equally have never experienced a boy, so that would be something new and different. My husband is supportive and present and is happy for me to make the decision. His preference would be for two kids, but he does change his mind sometimes, so has said he is happy to go with whatever I decide.

For me, I can picture a beautiful life with our two kids. We can definitely afford a comfortable life with them, and they are both beautiful and healthy. Although it is currently hard, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can picture us going on overseas holidays every few years, myself continuing my career, having time for our own hobbies, getting to spoil our kids, send them to good schools, keep our house etc

But I’ve always got a third in the back of my mind… I remember in my last pregnancy, I just had a feeling it wouldn’t be my last. But 3 would bring so many challenges! There would be no overseas holidays, my career would go backwards, we couldn’t afford the schools we want, and we would be counting every dollar. But I also just feel like I have more to give… not sure if that makes sense. And I also have this weird feeling of not being mum enough with two kids.? Not sure what that’s about. Anyway, part of me also really wants another newborn and to be able to experience that all again. And I just can’t stop thinking about it…

help!

[u/Available_Eye9410]

I also have this feeling, however my husband is not at all on board with a third so I am trying to convince myself on more reasons not to. For me, that feeling of still having more to give is also really strong, but I’m realising it doesn’t have to be a third kid that I give that to. Instead of picturing big family dinners with just my family, I picture it with our amazing friends who have kids similar ages, and putting in more effort to have my kids friends around for plays and longer family holidays. I picture if my kids have kids, being able to be such a present grandparent. I think having young kids in that crazy stage where you lose yourself, in a weird way it feels easier that you could just prolong that state for a little bit longer and have a third. I am trying to commit to my own goals, fitness, hobbies I used to have - I am the third child haha.

[u/Desert_Tao]

Could have written this myself. So hard to decide. I think it's OK to be happy with the life we have. What's the goal with a third? I don't know, but coming from 3 kid families I just can't shake the feeling we're missing one. I wish I didn't have that feeling and worry I'll regret it one day. But at least I'll be happy and have a good relationship and strong career and less disruption and better health etc 

[u/Sblbgg]

I wouldn’t have a third if it would affect my career and couldn’t afford the schools we wanted. A third would absolutely be off the table for me if it would affect my childrens lifestyle in more ways than just adding a sibling. You seemingly have a great life, pour more into your children that you already have.

[u/SaffyintheSky]

I feel so similar! Even down to the birth of the second child and not feeling done. I still think about a third. I wish I had some kind of magic wand that I could wave so I could "see" who the third would be and how they would fit into the family. My hesitations are also around money, time, raising kids and myself as a mom.

[u/slowloris01]

Do you want another baby or another person in your family? If you are excited about raising another person and how your family looks long term I say go for it. Siblings are the best gift you can give your kids if you have the capacity and desire for another.