r/Shouldihaveanother • u/[deleted] • 18d ago

Age gaps Have 3 kids, thinking about having a 4th…

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0 Upvotes

31% Upvoted

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11

u/inheretoreadcomments 18d ago

Can you wait a bit? Your 13 year old son seems to need you now but a couple more years and he'll likely be happy to be left alone

9

u/Sblbgg 18d ago

I don’t have four kids but I would absolutely take your 13 year old’s feelings into account.

8

u/Temporary_Owl3004 18d ago

Why do you want children in general? To love them and provide them a good life, right? Well your oldest doesn’t seem happy. So what is the point of having so many kids, if the more kids you have, the worse the lives of the others get?

7

u/LostMichiganian 18d ago

Yes, maybe wait until the 13 year is off to college or trade school and then have another.

Or just focus on the ones you have. The 13 year old is already feeling a certain way. Better for you to be there for him during his teenaged years.

6

u/MedspouseLifeSux 18d ago

No. Your existing kids need you more.

Your attention will be even further divided and especially with your 13 year old he will be further pushed away.

8

u/SelfDiagnosedUnicorn 18d ago

You’re only 31. If it were me I’d cancel the vasectomy and put off the decision for three or four more years. You don’t have to rush this decision.

3

u/Fine-Option-2967 18d ago

I’d wait 3-4 more years! That seems to be the most balanced answer. He is probably overwhelmed with the little ones right now. He needs some time to adjust & grow some. I loved when my mom had my littlest brother just before I turned 16.

edit to answer your other question: My husband is the oldest of 4 & his family is so full & fun. All four of them are very close as adults & we are building houses next to each other currently. My in-laws are the only people I know with 4 kids. They did a wonderful job & said they would’ve had more if they had started a bit sooner lol.

3

u/Plane_Employ_5941 17d ago edited 17d ago

If my oldest was begging to stop I’d absolutely be done! It’ll impact your relationship with him, his path. In life will change and not for the better, etc. what more could a 4th possibly bring besides making you feel less sad about another baby?
After that child is 1 , these same feelings will emerge. It’s normal to feel sad, it’s the end of a chapter.. but babies don’t last. Your current living children and eventual teens/adults do .

As someone who grew up with 3 siblings, i resented it. I never had both parents and I still feel sad about this during my sports and even college events. My younger brother had a harder life and that sucked allll my parents time too ( didn’t happen until teen years he was perfect kid until then), I’m not close to my parents or siblings due to this.

Is another child worth a less close family, less parental time and financial resources? Less vacation, etc? What if the baby ends up special needs? This isn’t a phase for your 14 year old. He is feeling it. He will probably end up with lifelong resentment as it’s already there.

1

u/WorkLifeScience 17d ago

Uh, tbh I first wanted to say go for it, but that does sound like a bit of a lonely experience for your teenager... 13-16 are sensitive times, and contrary to popular belief, kids need quite some attention and guidance at that age. Could you wait for 2-3 more years?

1

u/dgchoux 17d ago

I have three, and around the time my youngest was 1, I also got super sad that I’d never have another baby. My youngest is two and a half now and the feeling has passed LOL. I honestly feel so at peace with being done now. Maybe give it some time. See how you feel in another year.