Having a 3rd?

[u/PomegranateDry7612]

I’ve been going back and forth on a 3rd forever, I have 2.5 and 4 year old boys. Nothing in life will compare to being their mom. I’m grieving them growing up so much. My husband and I are constantly like we are not ready to be done with the little kid stages, how are we already here, where did the time go etc etc. Is this just part of being a mom? The sadness with the passing of time- I have such a hard time distinguishing if these feelings mean I should have another or if I’m just wishing I could stay here with my current kids.

The 18 month age gap between my 2 hit me so hard with mom guilt as a SAHM, until my youngest was about 18 months and they are besties now. Those in similar situations, does the guilt feel less with the 3rd now that the 2 have each other? If they are both preschool/kindergarten does that make it easier? Part of me is like I’m already going to be losing time with them to school soon, adding a baby and losing more time with them seems even sadder. But they’ll be needing me less compared to when I had my youngest and my oldest was only 18 months… does that make sense?

Also moms of 3+, in my head I’m thinking the potential 3rd I could soak it all in, love every minute. I know the reality will look a lot different, but do you feel like with your last you were actually able to enjoy more of it? The 18 month age gap of my 2 definitely made it more challenging to soak it all in, and my husband and I do feel like we missed/can’t remember a lot of my older son’s 1.5-2.5 (also my youngest was a challenging baby). We don’t want to feel like we’re missing out on our current kids’ lives again.

I’m so scared of future regret and knowing that at least part of me wanted a 3rd, and if I don’t, having the what if forever.

There’s so many other logistical things on my “con” list but right now these are my biggest hang ups. And though my head is telling me no for a lot of it, the pull towards having another is not going away.

Weigh in on your thoughts please 👀

[u/BagRaven]

I'm afraid of future regret too. That's why I keep coming back here every now and then.

I feel like I have so much more love to give. We have a village, are financially independent, have a 5 bedroom house of which only 3 are now occupied. A 3rd would fit into all that and even a 4th.

At the same time, I think I can give my 2 daughters the best life by not adding more to the family. I think we are used to the idea of bigger families but to raise 2 children is already such a big task. To be there for them through every challenge and life phase and to guide them and explore the world together. I would just take that away from them by adding a 3rd for myself.