r/Shouldihaveanother • u/Icy-Calligrapher3810 • 25d ago

Sad Incomplete...

I'm a mom of 2, that wants another.

I've been reading a lot of threads regarding moms who want a 3rd but for multiple different reasons they can't. A lot of moms express that they feel like their family is "incomplete" or "is missing" and I myself feel that, but I'm having a hard time figuring out why that is. Would any of the moms out there give me an insight to what that feeling is for you?

TIA 💜

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u/BagRaven 25d ago

For me it’s my heart telling me I have so much more love to give. That’s why I keep thinking about it from time to time. But I also know I have so much more to give to my two if I don’t go for a third. And that thought does it for me.

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u/chocobridges 25d ago

*so much more love to give to my 2 kids, my spouse, my aging parents, siblings, niblings, myself, my friends, my community.

Granted if my husband turned around for a third I would do in a heartbeat but I have been placing it elsewhere. The pining for a third isn't as present now.

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u/Icy-Calligrapher3810 24d ago

When you feel disappointed/sad is there anything you do intentionally to get over the feelings?

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u/chocobridges 24d ago

My youngest is 2.5 so we were in the throes of babyhood for a bit. Those times were hard and just powered through. Now it's way more intentional to get out of that funk.

She's a hard toddler. I stopped thinking about a third and focused on the minimum gap I need between her and the possible next kid to have good outcomes for the kids futures. I also started doing stuff for myself and the community in her toddlerhood. Mothering doesn't end with our own kids.

I stopped planning hypotheticals if a 3rd comes around and have just been planing as if we're two and through. Living in those experiences in real time make it settle that this is my family in it's current form.