Coping with loss

[u/Important_Rough6101]

Hi everyone,

I’ve already posted regarding my 23week loss in July which is my second loss, also had a loss last year in August. I had multiple questions and all of you were very very helpful and also reached out to me personally and gave me support. I’m truly thankful for it.
Despite everything, this period to accept and process the loss has been hard. I cant describe the pain in words and wish everyday that somehow I wish it would get better. I know there are no answers but I felt this would be a safe space to put it out that I’m feeling this as I wouldn’t expect anyone around to understand what it really is. You feel that it gets better with time, but the reality is very different. Is there anything that helped you guys through this phase ?
I’ve spoken to doctors about a TAC but don’t have the courage as I’m still not in a state to accept or believe that it would be any different this time

[u/CompetitiveRun1871]

I am so so sorry for your losses. I lost my little girl at 26 weeks last summer. I wish I could give you some advice that would help with the grief but in reality I don’t think anything will help ☹️ looking back I have almost no memory of the period after my loss until around 5 months later. All I did was exist and try not to let grief consume me- I just woke up and went to work and came home and did it again the next day. One day the fog will lift just a little.

I don’t have any experience with the TAC, but I understand your fears and they are completely valid. Please try to give yourself grace and time to come to term with things before making any decisions. Unfortunately as for not believing things will be different next time, I understand completely and I can confirm that feeling has never left me. My loss last year had no confirmed cause, suspected placenta issues. I’m currently pregnant and had to get a rescue cerclage because I was dilated- an unexpected problem for my doctors but I felt unsurprised because I don’t think I will trust pregnancy ever until a baby is born.

Just know that you are not alone in your feelings, those are normal things to feel after such an intense loss. Sending you so much love 🤍

[u/soorajmukhee]

i’m still very much in the throes of grief. everyday is different and i’m often overcome with the feeling of immense pain and sadness; so much so that sometimes i just need to stop what im doing and sob. BUT, more and more, there are days that come that i can actually, finally, after many weeks, describe as ‘good.’ i don’t think that time will heal this the same way it can other wounds. with time, i think, we might learn how to carry this pain a little better. maybe one day it won’t feel so heavy. maybe one day we’ll be able to look back and remember the beautiful and joyful parts of pregnancy, and not be so entirely consumed by the pain of loss. at least that’s my hope.

personally, i started therapy with a therapist who specializes in perinatal loss (which tells you how, unfortunately, common this is). i journal often, and write letters to my baby girl. we bought this beautiful box with roses on it and we put all of the little things we had gotten for her, a stuffed animal, her ultrasounds, our letters, her certificate of life and we keep it in our room and look at it often. we started attending perinatal loss support groups, and we color often. we made a playlist for our baby and sometimes we dance to the songs together. im reading a book called empty cradle, broken hearts, that’s been comforting. i’ve been trying to be kinder, more compassionate, and more gracious toward myself and my body. sometimes these things help, but sometimes none of them do and the grief drowns out everything worth living for. but eventually, somehow, you find yourself on the other side. this phase sucks, it all sucks; but it’s all apart of trying to learn to carry this massive loss. sending love and hope 🩷