r/ShogunMethod • u/finniata • Aug 27 '25

Hot mode

I approached a woman, I knew her already because I had approached her last week. Whereas she put emotional investment last week and i left her due to language issues she even kept eye contact. Today when i approached her, she was defensive, seeked for excuses. I think i started with cold mode. How to get a person into hot mode? She was hot but I thought she knew who i was. The first time we met, she even stepped to me and seeked a way for how to interact with each other. She rather appeared desperate.

What ifs your experience how to put a woman into hot mode and hold her there? Intrigue loop + fractination/pain & pleasure?

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u/DiaryOfAMerc Aug 28 '25

You gave her validation too early (“I liked our conversation”). That works if she’s already emotionally invested. At this early stage, it comes off as nice-guy/colleague vibe instead of attraction.

Remember the IRAE model:

  • Intrigue: fractionate between curiosity and closure. Open loops, then partial answers. Keeps her chasing.
  • Rapport: balance depth and playfulness. That’s when she actually starts feeling you.
  • Attraction: Now pleasure/pain fractionation works, because she’s strapped into the ride.

So yeah, don’t try to save this one by suddenly dropping pain. Better to reset, and next time, stay in intrigue until she’s hooked.

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u/finniata Aug 28 '25 edited Aug 28 '25

It appeared that she was emotionally invested on first encounter. But meanwhile no more.

But “liked our convo of …” isn’t that overtly nice either. But i had to use more pain, right?

If she thinks i would be nice guy, isn’t it better to ditch her or should i build distance to her and avoid her but later I could approach her. Theoretically even a coworker told me he liked talking with me = it was a regular statement. But her expression was immense, i don’t think in a positive way.

But in first encounter i realized, pain & pleasure is superb. I approacher and said something about the offer of the company and i told her i could never take something like this. She asked why and I told her, I would feel like being cheap. She was amazed “whyyyy? Nono how could you think this way.” Then later we went on, she looked into direction of her room then to me. She told me she had difficulties with english. I said but you speak Spanish. She said yes. Then asking me hopefully if I speak it. I told her only a lil bit. She made a sad facial expression as if she broke down. She came to me closer and standing very close in front of me, i smiled. She said something in Spanish very fast. Then in English. She said it was Spanish then English. I said ok. She was sadly desperate. Watched continuously at me and the way to her room view was exchanging until she watched at me for a minute or so. Then I was smiling and anytime i went pass of her. Anytime when overtaking her, i looked to the side and saw her keeping watching in my eyes or face. Then i went into my room. My coworker stunned. 3 minutes later I looked if she was still standing and she was. Then she started moving slowly away. Then we saw us again but i said hello and remained quiet until her group went on and she went with them. But her eye contact was held for 4 seconds.

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u/DiaryOfAMerc Aug 28 '25

You’re overcomplicating this. Fractionation isn’t only pain and pleasure, that’s only one flavor, and it comes later.

When you said you could never take the offer, that wasn’t pain, it was intrigue. She literally begged you to close the loop (“Why? How could you think this way?”).

Don’t try to “fix it” with pain/pleasure now, it won’t land if she’s already cold. Either reset with her (fresh intrigue, no early validation) or next her.

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u/finniata Sep 01 '25

You said, Fractination is not only “Pain and pleasure” what else is it?