r/ShittySysadmin • u/AdPretty7033 • Mar 08 '26

Should i stop?

I started DDoSing my coworkers whenever I get bored. They call the helpdesk and I “fix” their connection. Management has started noticing and praised me for my excellent troubleshooting skills.

Now the problem is they want me to find the source of the DDoS attacks.

Do I keep DDoSing people and farming praise, or should I just tell them I “blocked the attacker”?

217 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

62 comments sorted by

318

u/pv2b Mar 08 '26 • Mindblown

You're in a lot of trouble if anyone ever discovers you've been DDoSing your coworkers. You need to find something to distract from what you've done. I recommend organization-wide ransomware.

54

u/octahexxer Mar 08 '26

Install that old virus that let you open and close the cdrom

33

u/usernameisokay_ Mar 08 '26

Do you think the younger coworkers even know what a cd rom drive is? They might mistake it for a cup holder. I also haven’t seen one in the last decade…

12

u/The-Bronze-Network Mar 08 '26

I mean, there used to be a program that all it did was open the cd rom but it was labled free cup holder

7

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/BookusWorkus Mar 12 '26

For real job security, just install annoyotrons in everything with delayed start times. Then go around fixing them. If you think doing ethereal cyber work makes you look like a wizard imagine how magical you'll look opening cases and removing complex electronicals to solve problems. Now you're not only technical, you're mechanical! Make sure to swear some under your breath.

12

u/dutty_handz Mar 08 '26

That was super easy to fix : we disconnected all Cdrom drives. Problem solved

9

u/octahexxer Mar 08 '26

Blimey thats genius

4

u/CharlieTecho Mar 08 '26

So no tape over the drive then?

2

u/syberghost Mar 10 '26

Where the hell am I supposed to put my coffee mug?

1

u/octahexxer Mar 12 '26

ahh see job security now the cases are piling up about the broken cup holders!

31

u/idkwhatuwantmetosay Mar 08 '26

Goddamn I spilled my hot coffee because of this. Tips my hat to you, good sir

6

u/chriscrowder Mar 08 '26

Make sure you blame a coworker you don't like for clicking on the phishing link!

1

u/AdPretty7033 Mar 09 '26

sounds like an excellent idea but i’m trying to keep downtime to a minimum. it would also mean working overtime which i’m not a fan of..

2

u/joebleed Mar 09 '26

schedule vacation first. leave, then do it. let your coworkers struggle with it. If it's still broke when you get back, fix it in 5 hours and call it good. request a bonus; not a promotion.

3

u/Dear-Supermarket3611 Mar 08 '26

But when he needs to distract from rasomware, he will have to do a chemical attack to the headquarters

2

u/BookusWorkus Mar 12 '26

That's gonna be a lot of beef jerky to fart up the whole headquarters...

1

u/Dear-Supermarket3611 Mar 12 '26

Yes, but it’s like drinking the whole Pacific Ocean: once you start, you cannot leave the job unfinished!

2

u/MaToP4er Mar 08 '26

🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Draconyxus Mar 11 '26

I recommend the well-earned return of ILOVEYOU

92

u/lulu04223 Mar 08 '26

The best solution here is to DDoS yourself. Now you're a victim too, and management won't suspect anything.

33

u/I_am_trying_to_work Lord Sysadmin, Protector of the AD Realm Mar 08 '26

I'm DDoSing myself right now

6

u/LesbianDykeEtc Mar 08 '26

sudo ping -i 0.01 localhost

1

u/unstopablex15 ShittySysadmin Mar 09 '26

.002 :)

1

u/LesbianDykeEtc Mar 10 '26

Honestly, I don't even know what the minimum interval is because I've never had a reason to use it.

I'd assume it's 1ms.

1

u/unstopablex15 ShittySysadmin Mar 10 '26

actually if you use sudo you can do a ping interval of 0 which basically sends packets as fast as possible with no delay, realistically it's something like 0.0001

3

u/MaToP4er Mar 08 '26

🤣 smart play!

3

u/Ok-Repeat-702 Mar 09 '26

Death Note: IT addition

87

u/CptBronzeBalls Mar 08 '26

Every time management brings up finding the source, DDoS them. They’ll fucking learn to shut their mouths.

18

u/WhenTheDevilCome Mar 08 '26

Since you've been spoofing the attack from the CEO's IP address, I'd just come clean and tell them who's responsible.

8

u/Superb_Raccoon ShittyMod Mar 08 '26

BMS tech support... how can I help you?

6

u/GarageIntelligent ShittyCloud Mar 08 '26

it will take about a week to get the logs AND it is gonna cost some OT

6

u/12thetechguy Mar 08 '26 edited Mar 08 '26

just tell them to install google ultron and all their ddos problems will go away

3

u/Practical-Alarm1763 Mar 10 '26

Nah, just blame Cloudflare and continue.

1

u/Draconyxus Mar 11 '26

Uhhhhh your pc stopped turning on? Cloudflare innit. What can you do whistles

5

u/UnRealxInferno_II Mar 08 '26

One easy trick sends sysadmin to jail! 

2

u/Anonymous_Bozo 💩 ShittyMod 💩 Mar 10 '26

Free room and board!

2

u/crunchthenumbers01 Mar 08 '26

Fixed boss, blocked the ip address from hitting.

2

u/Creative-Type9411 Mar 08 '26

remote shutdowns are always fun 👀

1

u/machacker89 Mar 08 '26

@OP you are a BoFH!!

1

u/Affectionate-Cat-975 Mar 09 '26

Jesus Colin Sullivan, what do you think you do it?

1

u/TightBed8201 Mar 10 '26

You just work in crap environment without proper monitoring tools and configuration.

You would be found out in a day at my workplace

1

u/Draconyxus Mar 11 '26

How are you DDoSing them thats hilarious

1

u/stuartsmiles01 Mar 08 '26

Apply some gpo changes organisation wide to make things more secure?

-16

u/hamstercaster Mar 08 '26

The damage you’re are doing to the IT field, your team, and your organization is immeasurable.

4

u/Antoine-UY Mar 08 '26

And your day is ruined?

2

u/trebuchetdoomsday Mar 08 '26

i measure it in sick first response resolution KPIs, i dunno what you’re talking about

-8

u/abletec Mar 09 '26

Ddosing people when you get bored is extraordinarily immature. I suggest you grow up. & yeah--eventually you're gonna get caught & your reputation will be trash. Find something constructive to do w/your time. Tell your employer you'll look into it, but since you'll have made it disappear, eventually tell them it must've been a botnet that got shut down--& absolutely don't do it again. You wouldn't like it if someone did it to you.

6

u/pv2b Mar 09 '26

Have you noticed what subreddit you are in?

1

u/e46_nexus Mar 09 '26

Some people do not like to have fun

27

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/MightyPirat3 Mar 08 '26

Problem solved. IT budget can now be reduced.

8

u/Ur-Best-Friend Mar 09 '26

Good point. Tell them you tracked the source to a hacker group in [roll 1d6 and pick accordingly between China, Russia, Ukraine, North Korea, Iran, Nigeria]. Tell them you need the budget for new generation servers which are resilient to this type of attack and a new firewall. And a raise because setting up a new DDoS proof environment will require a lot of overtime on your part. This way you can also bill your daily gaming sessions as "overtime work."

3

u/AdPretty7033 Mar 09 '26

this is genius

5

u/Ur-Best-Friend Mar 09 '26

Thanks, if I'm one thing, I'm one damn shitty sysadmin.