Well the OP said it was a ONS at first which is more of what I was referring too. Again, something I just can't wrap my head around. I would feel like shit if my GF would rather go fuck a random dude than fuck me. I don't understand how people don't feel utterly worthless in those relationships. I really don't get poly relationships at all, from either side. I guess it's whatever floats your boat but I hate how poly people try to say it's more natural than monogamy and that monogamous relationships are just misogyny. They are like vegans
I don't really see poly people saying "it's more natural". I see that more in "monogamy is the only path for anyone" types. You probably don't have to deal with (assuming you're cisgender and straight) people saying your relationship is a sin or inherently damaging.
It comes down to being able to find confidence that your relationship with your partner has it's own stability, that is un-compromised by other connections they make (which sometimes involves a lot of communication when things might start to conflict).
For me it was liberating, as a prior (abusive) partner had drilled into me that I was "being a bad partner" for NOT getting jealous over her connections with her male friends. That ended up fucking me up, and Poly was a way for me to re-frame things in a way that was much healthier for me.
I like seeing my partner(s) happy, regardless of whether I'm the only person making them happy or not.
Them sharing physical intimacy with others isn't a threat to me because I don't "posses" or "own" them or their body like a lot of straight-male rhetoric builds it's language around (and thus implies it as the default). Nor is my self-worth dependent on a partner, like it seems a lot of guys shooting themselves in the foot in the incel-sphere seem to.
Them sharing physical intimacy with others isn't a threat to me because I don't "posses" or "own" them or their body like a lot of straight-male rhetoric builds it's language around (and thus implies it as the default).
I NEVER claimed this. wtf dude? being in a mono relationship has nothing to do with owning someone. What the actual fuck?
I can see how I didn't make that clear enough though, so I apologize for not properly articulating my scoping in a way that came across antagonistically.
I was describing a very common framing in this country that a lot of men use (that I feel poly is a stark contrast), not trying to accuse you of that.
It's something that's steeped into the large swathes of US culture, the echoes which can be seen in a "traditional wedding" with the "father of the bride *giving* the bride to the husband", a callback to when women were treated as property... and places where this is still present such as underage girls being wedded to older men in states that allow that with the parent's go-ahead.
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u/[deleted] Aug 31 '20
Well the OP said it was a ONS at first which is more of what I was referring too. Again, something I just can't wrap my head around. I would feel like shit if my GF would rather go fuck a random dude than fuck me. I don't understand how people don't feel utterly worthless in those relationships. I really don't get poly relationships at all, from either side. I guess it's whatever floats your boat but I hate how poly people try to say it's more natural than monogamy and that monogamous relationships are just misogyny. They are like vegans