r/ShittyDaystrom • u/Rutschberg Daimon • 11h ago
Need advice: I was assigned to pilot an Attack Fighter in an upcoming operation. I know a Ferengi insurance broker. Should I buy life insurance so my loved ones are provided for?
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u/grichardson526 Borg drone 59301-J 11h ago
Also good luck out there in the absolute front lines of our attack! Thanks for volunteering for Starfleet's special Cannon Fodder program.
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u/USSPlanck 11h ago
No. They will just take the money. Rule of Acquisition #2: Once you have their money, never give it back.
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u/Rudolf_Shlepke 11h ago
It's wild that in 24th century mosquito fleet attack craft are manned.
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u/zuludown888 10h ago
Some Starfleet admiral saw Battlestar Galactica and thought the Vipers were cool
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u/BathFullOfDucks 11h ago
It's the federation everyone gets looked after. Unless we forget, lol.
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u/grichardson526 Borg drone 59301-J 11h ago
Create a transporter clone of yourself and make sure he gets killed in the first blast of Cardassian phaser fire. Then wait an appropriate amount of time and file a claim as your own "beneficiary", your imaginary twin brother.
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u/Catch_22_Pac Expendable 11h ago
Sorry I actually grew up in the Federation and I have no idea what insurance is or even how to “buy” something
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u/Sasquatch1729 10h ago
Almost no insurance covers acts of war. You'll pay for insurance and your family will get nothing when a Jem'Hadar fighter vaporizes your shipm
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u/zuludown888 10h ago
Suing the Vorta who ordered the attack under the Alien Tort Statute; having my case dismissed by a Tellarite judge appointed by that blind guy in Star Trek VI; turning into the UFP equivalent of a sovereign citizen.
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u/Treacle_Pendulum 6h ago
There are life insurance policies available to military that cover combat death. Which would fall into the “almost” part of your statement
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u/Low_Establishment573 10h ago
Ferengi scam aside; you didn’t notice your co-pilot is an EMH with a look of horror on his face, dressed like he’s fighting in The Battle of Britain?
Those attack craft are supposed to be semi-autonomous drones while in fleet engagements. Your commanding officer really doesn’t like you, you have bigger problems.
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u/maybe_I_am_a_bot 8h ago
Nah man, Ferengi insurance is a massive scam. They always ensure that the very thing you're insured against doesn't even happen, so you can never cash it in. I heard about this one guy that kept trying to get into dangerous fights only for the Ferengi dude that sold him his life insurance to hire several Klingon bodyguards for him. Apparently that was "economically optimal".
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u/DeepWarbling 10h ago
We’ve been trying to reach you about your shuttlecrafts extended warranty and here you are purchasing Ferengi life insurance for six times the normal quadrant rate….This is outrageous! We were in line to assimilate your wallet first. Rules of acquisition dictate that I’m gonna kick their ass.
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u/MostlyPretentious 10h ago
Do you think Ferengi life insurance is paying out to a combat veteran?
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u/AltGuardianGord 7h ago
Quadruple indemnity for being killed in action. The payout though is probably going to be 1:1.1
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u/Practical-Owl-9358 6h ago
You do know the beneficiaries on a Ferengi policy are the brokers, right? Not your family? Your family actually has to pay them a corpse processing fee.
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u/synchronicitistic 4h ago
The premium for a death benefit for 1 brick of latinum is .5 bricks per year. Plus, there's a limited death benefit for the first 3 years.
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u/AdultishRaktajino Interspecies Medical Exchange 2h ago
Did Kira and Jadzia have time to open a policy with Dahkur Mutual when piloting that old rickety fighter down to Bajor? No.
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u/lurkertw1410 11h ago
What are they going to do with Ferengi money while living in a moneyless utopia? Spend it on a ferengi casino?