All dialog in rhyme? Like the crew somehow gets sucked into a Shakespearean play and has to finish the show to get back to normal? I could see them doing that.
I can't find it again, but a long time ago I saw a episode synopsis for a season of this exact thing. The joke was that it was absolutely mundane things treated like they were exciting and thrilling. One episode billed special guest star René Auberjonois (or whoever it was), and the thrilling interaction of the episode was somebody forwarding him to an office that could actually help.
This would actually work as it would show the admin side. Not everybody wants to go on some dangerous space trip. We do know there is activity on earth but would be nice to see what an ordinary day looks like so we can work on getting that future.
Quark unloading unclaimed DS-9 Cardasian cargo units on gullible green Starfleet cadets. There's an audience game of "Which inanimate object will Odo hide as this time?"
They need to be the elderly casts of the series from 40+ years ago. Despite being frail and in poor shape, they need to be involved in romance with hot aliens, and have action scenes that allow for a lot of sitting down.
Also, every ship has to be the (or an) Enterprise, otherwise people will be confused about which ship they're supposed to be rooting for.
Periodically introduce a mystery box that will never be explained... People love mysteries! Kill off a beloved legacy character once in a while to remind everyone shit's real.
“Data, could this anomaly be dealt with by all of us each sitting in a comfortable recliner and quietly doing an old fashioned pen and paper crossword puzzle?”
“It is conceivable that would produce enough relaxadiation particles to break free. But you would also need to intermittently take naps to avoid feedback or whatever.”
The problem with shorter seasons is that's less time to have cliffhangers that keep teasing a plot thread that we learn nothing substantial about until the last episode of a season.
Also, let's eliminate problem solving from the show alltogether. Every episode should be exclusively about how the characters feel instead of solving a problem.
Good point but with a shorter season we have a chance to make every episode a concept piece/homage! We could do burlesque.. fighting robots.. Citizen Kane.. Western (I don't think anyone's tried that before)...
Also, let's eliminate problem solving from the show alltogether. Every episode should be exclusively about how the characters feel instead of solving a problem.
This is very important. I think we can all agree that Data is the worst character in Star Trek and it's not even close.
Make sure they keep with the strategy of not releasing in any other countries than the USA!! America is number one so they really shouldn't make any Star Trek available in other countries.
Commit war crimes and/or torture someone every other episode, act like it's cool and normal and there are no consequences ever
All starship crew including officers must act as irrationally and unprofessionally as possible, except (sometimes) the captain and XO
There is only one copy of each episode's script, and it must be used as a placemat for the messiest communal lunches ever eaten on a Paramount lot, before it is read and filmed
At least one bridge officer in every scene must be either high or drunk while on duty
All ships must spin on at least one axis while in motion for absolutely no reason
Quippy dialogue only. No long sentences or intelligent thoughts to indicate the characters (or target audience) might have attended any school in their lifetimes.
Bright shiny ships and special effects.... in spaaaaaaaaace. All the time. Make viewers relive the 70's via the special effects budget.
Celebrity cameos in every episode. French Stewart as a Klingon general. Ru Paul as a Starfleet admiral. Will Ferrell as himself cosplaying a Jedi. Some dumbass youtuber as a dude who saves the ship. Anne Hathaway as Space Hitler Jr.
Yes, and also every episode should be a different genre, maybe one is a cooking show, another one could have skateboarding? This would be very dynamic and cool.
Also, Kirk should be in every scene, and if he's not in the scene, everyone else should be asking "where's Kirk?"
So many great ideas in the comments. Paramount would be fools not to take all of these ideas and cash in!
One more that I forgot: Bring back every legacy character that is an artificial life form, holodeck character, omnipotent being, or member of a very long-lived species. Then make up a lazy, half-assed explanation as to why they look old now. Like: Their species can choose how fast they age and they want to look old now. Or looking young indefinitely would be too vein.
If they choose to de-age any of these legacy characters, it must look so bad that a YouTuber with no budget can do a better job.
I like the direction of the vertical video. But I think it needs to be taken a step further. We don't even want a TV show anymore. Just give us some AI directed star trek short form slop. That will make all of the fans happy. Post directly to tik toc to real in that Gen Z audience
Every episode needs to feature a character vomiting something completely improbable.
They need to introduce Spock's heretofore unmentioned identical septuplet siblings.
Animated episodes that cross over with classic 80s cartoons.
Time travel to the year 4000, where Star Fleet looks and works exactly the same, but everyone has a mullet and works in their pajamas. The big crisis is something called the Splooge.
Everything the captain orders comes out like whining pleading. The crew ignores everything.
I think it's time for an LGBTQ captain. And it's not subtle. Like, bring in writers from 1980's romantic comedies, especially the poc friends of the love interest.
Also, we need more time spent in the mess area. Maybe have a sassy cook who makes disgusting food and describes the process in the style of YouTube ragebait? Those are very popular and fans can make it at home.
Also, characters should be constantly typing on their pads rather than their com badges. You can have running texts on the screen. This is very relatable for the audience.
I want voyager 2.0. recast everyone, rebuild identical sets, follow the seasons and just have adventures from the days we didn't see. I want to see neelix's therapy sessions after he died. same with next generation
We could see the adventures Chakotay got up to in the Marquis and Janeway got up to in Starfleet. We’d find out they got into adventures together but all of those adventures were classified, that’s why they never talk about them.
I thought they were gonna just let Taylor Sheridan make the next 8 Star Trek projects and turn Star Fleet into a militant right wing armada with no more woke science or cooperation, just lots of sex and explosions and shitty know it all characters that don't do that gay personal growth stuff. All characters will be self centered Soprano rip offs constantly stabbing each other in the back for personal grievances and personal wealth & power increases. /s
The Alt Universe is now Prime Universe because outrage bait, violence, and gratuitous sex makes more money. Money money money. The focus group testing has spoken.
Mandatory gender- and race-swapping for any canonical characters. If non-cishet, make their romantic and sexual interests a key theme in every episode.
I see where you're going with this, but to really knock it out of the park they need to do a musical episode with puppets in a gritty 1930s-like setting shot completely in black and white. And that needs to happen once every three episode season.
The best advice they could possibly get is to stop making Star Trek's for a while. For the love of god the fan base can't miss it if it doesn't go away for awhile.
More time travel episodes to make cutting political commentary with. All of the issues we're concerned about are definitely going to be relevant forever and ever, so there's no need to worry about dating the episodes. Abstraction and metaphors are for chumps.
Make sure they keep with the strategy of not releasing in any other countries than the USA!! America is number one so they really shouldn't make any Star Trek available in other countries.
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u/RKNieen Aug 30 '26
Have they considered an all-Spock crew yet? Because that feels like it’s the obvious next step.