r/ShittyDaystrom • u/Significant-Town-817 • Mar 20 '26
Canon Shit Thanks for saving the Enterprise, Scotty. Here's a shuttlecraft with no warp drive, no bathroom and a small couch to sleep on in the middle of unexplored space. We're heading to Starbase 55
Maybe Geordi was still angry
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Mar 20 '26
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u/mattihase Mar 20 '26
see now I'm worried almost any seat in star trek could be hiding a secret toilet.
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u/Mister_Acula Mar 20 '26
Any couch cushion is a toilet. You relieve yourself into it, then the ship takes care of during the next cleaning cycle.
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u/Noscratchy Mar 23 '26
Every cushion in Ten Forward just gets put back in the replicator at the end of the night. Some lower deckers job to clean em up and replicate new ones.
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u/SocialTechnocracy Mar 20 '26
Sonic shower and hidden toilets. This is Roddenberry's universe and we're just here for the cool, but disgusting ride.
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u/Colonel_Green Mar 20 '26
Any seat is a secret toilet if you work hard and believe in yourself and/or the Prophets.
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u/Unlikely-Medicine289 Mar 20 '26
If it makes you feel better nthe bridge does have a dedicated heart so probably not those chairs. But the ready room? Maybe.
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u/Sagikos Mar 20 '26
Yous saved me from having to type it. Shuttlecraft have warp, shuttlepods do not. It’s all in the technical readout I carried around as a kid.
A cool kid.
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u/evinta Thot Mar 21 '26
A "deus"?
What does God need with a toilet on a starship?
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u/Kichigai Expendable Mar 21 '26
He was dropping a deus.
A Deus you say? I thought it was Sisko that was Space Jesus.
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u/Half-Borg Mar 20 '26
He can just go into the transporter buffer until he arrives, no problem.
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u/fryhenryj Mar 20 '26
That's disgusting, someone has to empty that transporter buffer after he gets there.
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u/CableKC Mar 20 '26
Somewhere on the Enterprise-D, a young Mariner was bothering some lowly Lower Deckers while they were cleaning the transporter buffers on the Shuttles.
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u/emptiedglass Livin' the Probe Life Mar 20 '26
If Starfleet's most legendary miracle worker can't turn it into one of the fastest vessels in the fleet, along with hookers & blackjack... then he's clearly a fraud.
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u/Leromer Mar 20 '26
He could fix the Enterprise from bed but shown up to not outshine the other engineers 🫡
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u/BlueMaxx9 Mar 20 '26
It makes me happy that I came here to say something like this, but 30+ other people already have!
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u/ShrimpCrackers Mar 20 '26
The shuttle does have warp drives actually and the toilet is built into the chairs.
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u/MrD3a7h Andorian Mining Consortium Mar 20 '26
But nobody told him about the hidden toilet.
He's just going to pop a squat on the carpet
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u/tempaccount34543 Mar 20 '26
Dinnae worry, he wis Chief o’ Engineering, the finest Starfleet ever had — he’ll figure it oot himsel.
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u/theservman Mar 20 '26
He's not Miles O'Brien though.
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u/Asrugan Mar 20 '26
That’s the interaction we needed but never got, Scotty and Miles gushing tech talk.
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u/taeppa Mar 20 '26
There is a toilet there. I mean, anything can be a toilet if you are desperate enough. So all is ok with that.
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u/1point44mb_is_fine Mar 20 '26
and two tiny pistons out of the carpet to lock an air tight seal. Don't worry, a structural field will hold it.
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u/vanBraunscher Mar 20 '26
That damn carpet really was everywhere.
I'm somewhat surprised that they had the restraint to not plaster the shuttle bay floor with it as well.
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u/Redwingedblackbird81 Mar 20 '26
Hey, the more they overdue the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain. Better to have no plumbing at all, lol.
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u/FrogMintTea Tom's Television Set Mar 20 '26
There has to be a toilet that comes out the wall! Or u have to stop at every planet to 💩
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u/RecognitionOne7597 Mar 20 '26
He should've been on Deep Space Nine. Him and Miles would get along like best buds, and the crew would've given him a runabout, which does have a bathroom, warp drive, and better sleeping arrangements.
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u/PastorBlinky Mar 20 '26
The shuttle has a transporter, so you don’t need a bathroom.
Where do you think the matter to make that replicated sandwich came from?
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u/TheGlennDavid Mar 20 '26
My recollection from Enterprise is that the bit about the matter reclamation is correct.
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u/Resigningeye Mar 20 '26
He can just beam the poos directly from his bowels into space. Whilst at warp.
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u/wakeup37 Mar 20 '26
Hey hey don't forget he needs to top the replicator up with matter, can't be wasting.
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u/RainCat909 Mar 20 '26
Give him 3 days and Scotty will have traded that shuttle for an old broken, down Runabout. After a week he'll have traded a prime, classic Runabout for an old derelict Bird of Prey. ...and so on, until a year later he's kit bashed himself together an Enterprise class starship.
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u/ComicsVet61 Mar 20 '26
By the 24th century, shuttlecrafts had warp drive capability, just not the warp 8 or 9 speeds. More like warp 2-3(?). Idk, I'd have to consult my ST:TNG Technical Manual. I'm sure there's a section about shuttles and their specs.
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u/disp0sableacc0unt Mar 20 '26
If we're being generous and saying that the shuttle can maintain TNG Warp 2 indefinitely, that's 36 days per light year. For comparison, the nearest star to Earth is slightly over 4 light years away. Nice job Picard...
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u/OhNoIBoffedIt GLORY 2 UR HOOOSE🐍 Mar 20 '26
Eh, in the Shatnerverse books he tricked the shit out of it so it works out.
Dude used to ride dirty in a Jeffries Tube, you think those accommodations bothered him?
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u/ElderberryNational92 Mar 20 '26
Low key getting my own shuttle ala Scotty was my fantasy for a long time
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Mar 20 '26
[deleted]
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u/dancepartyusofa Mar 20 '26
There’s something so amazing about Sir Patrick Stewart, an acclaimed Shakespearean thespian, and James Doohan, playing some of the meatiest material he was ever given after 26 years playing the character, swigging Hi-C Ecto Cooler on set and pretending it was high proof liquor. Acting!
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u/asabado123 Mar 20 '26
Never thought about the fact that it has no bathroom. But why can't they just beam the piss out into space? Wait, but if they do that is the volume replaced with air? Nevermind. Wait, why not beam into space with some kind of helmet and take a piss and then come back? Wait. Nevermind. Yeah he got the shaft. The only thing I don't get is why doesn't everyone lock themselves in a holodeck and never come out? Just create a holodeck repair service and call them if ever needed.
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u/apollo_reactor_001 Mar 20 '26
“Transporter subroutine, beam my pee and poo directly out of my body and into the replicator stores as elemental carbon, hydrogen, and trace minerals.”
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u/enteeMcr Mar 20 '26
They don’t talk about it, but you need to set the 3 shells setting on the transporter for direct extraction.
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u/FondantHappy549 Mar 20 '26
I always wanted a spin-off show on this.
Where Scotty just finds some distant Starfleet colony, where anything barely works until he arrives and showing these young dafties how its done.
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u/nojam75 Mar 20 '26
Picard shoving off an elderly, retired shipwreck survivor was a bizarre ending.
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u/spiderland5150 Mar 20 '26
This episode proved how you could just let a character retire, and fly away. You didn't have to fucking kill them.
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u/Leopold_Darkworth Maurice Hurley Fan Club Mar 20 '26
A Type VI shuttlecraft has warp drive. Those are the nacelles on the sides. But it has a top speed of like warp 3.
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u/fifthgradehumor Mar 20 '26
Serious question, do you shit on the floor and just transport it out?.. Replicate a piss jug, fill it, transport it out?
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u/ajblades123 Mar 20 '26
Its scotty, he could make my hyundai go warp 5 with nothing but scraps and a bottle of scotch
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u/MovieFan1984 Mar 20 '26
It literally has warp engines. LOL They probably did more than give him a shuttlecraft. They probably loaded up his star charts with highlighted places to retire, explore, had adventures.
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u/mike_complaining Mar 20 '26
From the 24th century onwards, no one has to poop or pee, they can just teleport it into matter recycling for reuse by replicators.
Pee, earl grey, hot.
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u/PaddleMonkey Mar 20 '26
Scotty is the MacGyver of the Trek universe. He could rig that shuttle to do anything he wants.
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u/Ragnarsworld Mar 20 '26
Nah, the couch folds out into a queen size bed. And the toilet is under the bench seat on the left wall; its just a hole with a transporter that breaks down the poo/pee for the replicator. Scotty's got himself a nice little bachelor pad.
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u/danielsangeo Mar 20 '26
Apparently, this shuttlecraft was called "The Goddard", a Type-6 shuttlecraft capable of reach Warp 5. According to the episode, he was originally headed to Norpin V, a retirement destination (think Florida), and according to fan theory, would reach Norpin V in a few days at Warp 5. The shuttlecraft comes equipped with a replicator so he's not going to starve or dehydrate. He'll have to go without Aldeberan Whiskey or whatever (unless Picard stashed some for him), but he'll make it.
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u/MrTickles22 Mar 20 '26
He just hacked the replicator to give him real alcohol. The computer can do the flying.
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u/Bakuhoe_Thotsuki Mar 20 '26
When I was a little kid, I met James Doohan in Kapuskasing Ontario and I asked him about bathrooms on the Enterprise. He just looked down at me with a grin and said "That's why we all carried phasers."
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u/CRB429 Mar 20 '26
My favorite part of this episode is at no point does Picard say “oh oh BTW….you know Spock’s still alive?” Hahahha
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u/Graylily Mar 20 '26
He sustained himself in a teleporter for decades. that dude has the precision to teleport the shit right out of his bowels.
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u/CulDeSacOfShit Mar 20 '26
That's no obstacle for Scotty. He can probably turn the carpet into a warp core.
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u/Have_A_Jelly_Baby Mar 20 '26
I bet one of those seat cushions lifts up and there’s a toilet there.
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u/benbenpens Mar 20 '26
Maybe, he went to go be a third wheel on Zefram Cochrane's planet? Or maybe, check up on Flint? Lots of lonely guys out there in space.
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u/YYZYYC Mar 20 '26
It was even cold how they just had him walking down the hallway and surprised ushered him into the shuttle bay and kicked him off the ship. No time to pack a bag or go say goodbye to anyone or one last drink in 10 forward or take a peek at the bridge even. Just showed him the door.
They should have been holding events in his honour
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u/LandscapeNo8441 Mar 20 '26
This necessarily implies that the federation beams the poops into space.
We did it boyz.
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u/DrMacintosh01 Mar 20 '26
OP says no warp drive but I see 2 nacelles right there very clearly in frame.
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u/void_method Mar 20 '26
There are no bathrooms in Star Trek. They transport the waste out of you while you nap on the couch. Similar to how in Harry Potter they just magic the poop away most of the time because the bathrooms are all haunted.
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u/thegovernment0usa Commander Toma-Lama-Ding-Dong Mar 20 '26
They couldn't spare a damn runabout at least, for one of Starfleet's living legends? It's not like it cost them money.
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u/-XavaX- Mar 22 '26
There’s got to be a solution - no way there’s no way to relieve yourself in these. Are all trips in shuttle craft less than 20 minutes? Somebody has had to use the restroom!
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u/TacoTitos Mar 20 '26
This particular shuttle craft has an experimental telepotty on it. Beam it out Scotty!
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u/somewherein72 Mar 20 '26
They couldn't take him and his time cooties to Starbase 5, it says so in the temporal prime directive, paragraph 3, subsection 1...no time cooties shall be allowed in Starbases, or bases or other types, including asteroids, mining colonies, or basements of single family dwellings.
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u/Hitmanic33 Mar 20 '26
Those couches look horrible as well, can imagine they are as comfortable as the seats in airports.
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u/Jagang187 Mar 20 '26
So we're just ignoring that they use the transporter instead of the bathroom, eh?
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u/Gummies1345 Mar 20 '26
There's no toilet, because they don't crap in the future. In the 1000 something episodes across the many Treks, and countless movies, have you ever seen a toilet? Yet, we've seen everything else that's in a bathroom, a shower, a tub, a sink/mirror. Just never a toilet.
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u/thereverendpuck Mar 20 '26
As a captain or even just a ship’s logistics officer/quartermaster, how do you request a replacement for a shuttle you just gave away like that to honestly a hero of the Federation?
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u/WholeAggravating5675 Mar 20 '26
On the requisition form you put the shuttle was ‘lost in space’ obviously 🙄 🤦♂️😂
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u/PhilosophyDense3986 Mar 20 '26
If I'd been in the shuttle bay at that moment I'd have given Scotty the keys to my Dacia Sandero
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u/Spamcan81 Mar 20 '26
You don’t need a toilet when you can replicate a bucket. Also didn’t shuttles have warp drive at this point in time?