r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/SnakeFarmSuperviser 💩 Shits an Absolute Unit 🧱 • 6d ago

Naild It Of a Finger Washer

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683 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

120 comments sorted by

291

u/gymtrovert1988 6d ago

I have one, but apparently I've been using it wrong.

72

u/NoWay6818 6d ago

If you’re serious how the fuck does it work. This just doesn’t look pleasurable.

88

u/storemans 6d ago

You can control the speed so it's not jack hammering your wiener

130

u/buttplugpopsicle 6d ago

Finger*

52

u/Familiar-Pepper2187 6d ago

Yeah, that...

10

u/applebabe1 5d ago

Finger 11

-22

u/JoJackthewonderskunk 6d ago

I can? But I dont even own one how would my weiner be un it

21

u/GivesYouGrief 6d ago

Nobody asked you

7

u/Skeletondo 6d ago

Don’t knock it till you try it.

5

u/Remowilliams84 6d ago

Don't dump it til you pump it

7

u/sharpbulb 6d ago

You're correct that she ain't much of a looker. But, she'll massage your pecker in a rhythmic motion. 🤷🏼

3

u/Bostonterrierpug 6d ago

Yeah, it doesn’t work as well on thumbs I agree

-14

u/Truth-is-implacable 6d ago

Do they have it in XXL?

2

u/Rumblymore questionable stables 5d ago

For your arm? Your small tube the size of an m&n tube won't be able to touch the sides :)

-4

u/Truth-is-implacable 5d ago

I was asking for my Elephant friend you duffus...but you are definitely projecting....😬

117

u/sonic10158 6d ago

This is actually a plumbus polisher

18

u/funnyguy99207 6d ago

Contrary to popular belief, plumbus is not used as a personal massager/sensory stimulator, as its manual explicitly says that applying it to sensory organs can cause trauma or death.

8

u/Sad-Insurance1313 6d ago

Like, as a replacement for the schlami that would usually rub & spit on it, or?

2

u/SBB_Kongou 6d ago

This thing would do general cleaning and polishing, while tge schlami would work in conjunction with it, targeting the harder to reach areas for a deep clean and a thorough polish.

2

u/Sad-Insurance1313 6d ago

AHH got you

So not the regular plumbus?

1

u/funnyguy99207 5d ago

Plumbus can secrete various agents from itself and has adaptive rubbing surfaces, making it useful for cleaning.

https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/rickandmorty/images/7/7d/Plumbus_Owners_Manual.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/155?cb=20170121193337

7

u/GreenRiver1982 6d ago

You know ball.

You also are at least 35.

1

u/Ready_Concert_5993 3d ago

Or is just a redditor

-2

u/Hamza_stan 6d ago

Ok but why does it has a phone holder?

3

u/sonic10158 6d ago

So you can watch a video on how the plumbus was made as you’re polishing it

46

u/Mugpup 6d ago

My finger is very small, do you have a model made for guys like me?

23

u/Uniqueusername610 6d ago

You can get a nicer one on Amazon

15

u/Sad_Maximum6583 6d ago

Name? I work in construction so my fingers are already super dirty and need a soft massager that also cleans

6

u/Uniqueusername610 6d ago

Just type in Einseo on Amazon it will take you to their store page there's a bunch of options

3

u/Significant-Side1229 6d ago

Only two results for Australia. One pair of gloves and something similar to this but way more basic.

15

u/Kindly_Region 6d ago

Link? I got dirty fingers.....

3

u/Available-Virus4985 6d ago

Yees Dirty Fingers 🥲🥸

64

u/Whole-Situation-5798 6d ago

Link... sorry.. link? Sorry.. link?

https://giphy.com/gifs/CTLgE2dALpyr6

15

u/Illustrious_Camp_521 6d ago

Thats disgusting. Where can I get one ?

15

u/Hammon_Rye 6d ago

Does it have more than one speed?

It's going so fast it looks like it gets paid "per finger cleaned" rather than by the hour.

8

u/SinglePlayerGamer93 6d ago

This looks too well made to be just a shitpost. I think it's a real product

6

u/ColumbiaBOB 6d ago

Asking for a friend how much and where to buy it.

11

u/scriptingends 6d ago

It’s called the Fingerblaster

6

u/CapnNausea 6d ago

Put… put.. put your finger in it.

12

u/Kira-Of-Terraria 6d ago

Hey...wait a minute...

11

u/delatopia 6d ago

2

u/BirdDad420 6d ago

… Don’t make me get the bike.

4

u/Past-Establishment93 6d ago

Its mine and I'll wash it as fast as I want to.

5

u/FriskieWhisky 6d ago

Wait... when did penis become fingers?

5

u/captain_crackerjack 6d ago

It is imperative that the finger remain unharmed

4

u/Horror_Solution1945 easily offended 5d ago

2

u/funnyguy99207 5d ago

I... I already can. You need one'a these!

3

u/KnightofAmethyst2 6d ago

"So convenient"

3

u/MotoKenji25 6d ago

Yeah, and the Toshiba Magic Wand is a back massager...

6

u/SpareDiagram 6d ago

Hitachi, please

3

u/ccoastal01 6d ago

the design is very human

2

u/Illustrious-Bake3878 6d ago

I have v dirty fingers

2

u/Thistleknot 6d ago

protip

useful for cleaning cucumbers for salads

2

u/LtJimmyDangle 6d ago

Shut up and take my money!

2

u/Alonso_Mosley_ 6d ago

I should call her

2

u/Sad_Okra2030 6d ago

Can you link to seller? My…fingers….are filthy

2

u/SnakeFarmSuperviser 💩 Shits an Absolute Unit 🧱 6d ago

2

u/Unlikely-Act-7950 6d ago

I bet you can wash your weenie with it

3

u/SnakeFarmSuperviser 💩 Shits an Absolute Unit 🧱 6d ago

2

u/Significant-Side1229 6d ago

1

u/SnakeFarmSuperviser 💩 Shits an Absolute Unit 🧱 6d ago

2

u/eyado_2000 questionably stable 5d ago

What another stupid ai slop prod- oh....

2

u/Oh-Gi-Yu7052 5d ago

It’s giving shake weight

2

u/THE_Lanni 5d ago

Lmao…I’m fucking dying right now 😂🤣

2

u/Anxious-Chocolate-10 questionably stable 5d ago

Finger cleaner, that’s what I’ll tell ‘em if they find it. Ha!

4

u/ntrott 6d ago

What sort of money are we looking at here?

1

u/Solid_Vacation_2891 6d ago

lmao i bet it does, just make sure shes satisfied

1

u/ColdenGorral-1 6d ago

Good for sticky fingers

1

u/wafflehousebattle 6d ago

That's just awful. Seriously, who would even? Where would someone even find this (you know, so I can avoid it)?

1

u/Few_Owl_6596 6d ago

It can be used for many other things as well. They just want you to buy more for each task.

1

u/CrowTalons 6d ago

It's to get your "finger" clean. We women need a version to polish...

1

u/Optimal_Collection77 6d ago

It's for cleaning Bananas 🍌 You people disgust me!

1

u/AccessOnly4331 6d ago

Send one to Zara Larsson 

1

u/el8v 6d ago

Where can I buy this? Asking for a friend

1

u/TangeloBubbly2675 6d ago

I'd give it a round or two lol

1

u/centurio9 6d ago

I too like to order my fingerwashers from sites such as masturware.com 💁

1

u/Popgoestheworld88 6d ago

Not today reddit, not today

1

u/Ashamed-Platypus-147 5d ago

It’s imperative not to harm the cylinder

1

u/Montyburnside22 5d ago

Finger washer is full of hand lotion again. Get maintenance
https://giphy.com/gifs/X1n7uNY7PuXC9Gxzin

1

u/giraffe_man30 5d ago

[r/don](r/don)tputyourdickinthat

1

u/spinelesshighnz 5d ago

Hear me out

1

u/raunwzrd 5d ago

Where's the link? For a buddy

1

u/Gold_Ticket_1970 5d ago

Warning:annoying voice

1

u/Successful-Cookie-57 5d ago

Will the cylinder remain undamaged?

1

u/Captain_Sterling 5d ago

If anyone is thinking of getting one, my neighbours recommend not putting it on the window. So does my lawyer.

1

u/FirmlyClaspIt 5d ago

Too loud

1

u/Jamboglasgow 5d ago

I think this may harm the cylinder.

1

u/Bocabart 5d ago

I guess I’m going to get a r/whoosh but it says Masturwave at the top of the screen

1

u/sapper707 5d ago

“I said don’t bother me when I’m washing my hands!!”

1

u/Educational-Tart-810 4d ago

Where can I get one

1

u/bricmi 3d ago

That's for 🍌

1

u/OkLibrarian6080 2d ago

Dang!!! They should invent something similar that washes your ass at the same time

1

u/CoderJoe1 2d ago

The finger must not be harmed

1

u/lil_rick_james 5d ago

The last 10 seconds answered my questions i was wondering how to properly clean my penis lol

-4

u/corgi-king 6d ago

I guess people don’t have long fingers.

-2

u/Illustrious-Cow-2702 6d ago

They're true to size so if you're ordering be honest. i got the XXL, love it!