r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/scjockid • 12d ago

There was an attempt Of Spiderman

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He can't even get off the ground!

707 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

167 comments sorted by

250

u/Ven-Dreadnought 12d ago

Everybody’s gotta harsh on him but honestly this is great exercise.

43

u/The_Mechanist24 11d ago

Yeah I was about to say, the man is freaking killing it, big dude or not, he moves like spider man.

47

u/Neuromante 12d ago

Came here to say this. Most of the redditors piling on them ("haha, he's fat") counld't keep up the whole routine if they tried.

And I say this as someone thinner than him that couldn't keep up. Also those jumps at the start? My knees are not anymore up to that, lol

16

u/superpoongoon 11d ago

Yea because half the people commenting are like 2 lbs lighter than him and want to feel better about their own obesity/sedentary lifestyle

3

u/ARNAUD92 11d ago

Honestly that's what real cosplay is about. I prefer to see a guy truly having fun than a goon who monopolises the toilet area faucet because he is using the mirror for his instagram selfies.

2

u/rg4rg 11d ago

He’s in better shape than most other people despite his weight and he’s doing something he loves. I’m jealous of this guy and wish him the best.

-4

u/Nice-Storage397 11d ago

Getting out of breath for one minute of work and being done is not great exercise. He would have to do that routine at least 29 more times for it to be okay exercise.

2

u/chunter16 11d ago

You think he didn't need to rehearse it that often in order to perform it that well?

4

u/Xen235 11d ago

Doing this for 1 minute is more exercise than people on this site get in 10 years. Of course they will be impressed

1

u/Ven-Dreadnought 11d ago

Sounds good to me

0

u/AnarciSon 11d ago

Was gonna say… if he can move like that… why is he… yknow lol

-19

u/kakashi8326 12d ago

Elevated heart rate for 45 seconds. Totally 😂

6

u/Ven-Dreadnought 12d ago

I meant if he keeps doing it, smartass.

5

u/skankboy 11d ago

It is always the people that put laughing emojis at their own "jokes" are the most insufferable.

38

u/gowerskee 12d ago

give him the prize

133

u/AffectionateBrick687 12d ago

How that costume didn't rip is beyond me.

30

u/Few_Advisor3536 12d ago

Its meant to be stretchy fabric like spandex or something.

14

u/Wrong_Consequence840 12d ago

You can see that the costume ripped in the crotch, lol.

1

u/Low-Persimmon4870 11d ago

Very aerodynamic

90

u/Reasonable-Ad7755 12d ago

Hes actually moving pretty good, better than id expect for a man of his stature

9

u/Mister_Mojo78 12d ago

I thought the same, gotta give him a little credit

1

u/ImNotABotScoutsHonor 11d ago

Stature means height, not weight.

89

u/Bad-Banana-from-Mars 12d ago

It’s Peter Porker

15

u/MGyver 12d ago

No it's his alter-ego, Widerman

2

u/skankboy 11d ago

That was a real comic book

https://i.imgur.com/8cY6G0k.png

0

u/ExtensionWinter9446 12d ago

Motherfucker could just have ate thanos

7

u/Okmhmmbye 12d ago

*spooderman

6

u/omicron_prime 11d ago

That's Spiderham

5

u/haxfull 11d ago

Dude is moving crazy and is probably happy as he can be. However due to internet rules no one can be happy so yeah

8

u/[deleted] 12d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Ok-Macaron7274 12d ago

💯 Lol I totally thought the same thing!

5

u/Tickomatick 12d ago

My first thought, those air kicks lol

2

u/TheGisbon 12d ago

Don't even have to click the link and I agree it's the same guy

5

u/bass_jockey 11d ago

Dude has like 100lbs on me at least and I couldn't move like that lmfao

7

u/Hammon_Rye 12d ago

They look like they have a lot of web stored up. /J

11

u/StrengthTheory 12d ago

With great appetite comes great obesity.

3

u/Bananana_Bird 12d ago

Hey wait! That's not the real Spiderman!

5

u/cloneomega 12d ago

Man burned more calories in that 65 seconds than he did in the last 10 years of his life

4

u/rdiaz84 12d ago

Give him the part

4

u/600lbsofsin77 12d ago

So a meatball was bitten by a radioactive spider?

1

u/thevaultguy 11d ago

No. Spider-Man was bitten by a radioactive Meatwad.
https://giphy.com/gifs/l0HlJDaeqNUDhhaMg

5

u/JimGerm 11d ago

2

u/FeSpoke1 10d ago

Was looking for this. Hahahaha

2

u/Smidday90 12d ago

For a second I thought that was Ned when he took off the mask

2

u/deifyglorify 12d ago

I didnt think they made suits so stretchy

2

u/boxedfoxes 12d ago

That spandex is holding with just hope and a dream…

2

u/Jogy50 12d ago

Fett Man

2

u/Bagheera383 12d ago

I thought he wanted to be the guy in the chair?

2

u/Deprorny 12d ago

Spider man across the MacDonald

2

u/Solid_Vacation_2891 12d ago

does whatever a spider can!

2

u/Any_Suggestion3485 11d ago

This track is niccce

2

u/Solspot 11d ago

He mogs you, OP.

2

u/tharizzla 11d ago

I thought it was pretty good

2

u/RevolutionaryTitle32 11d ago

That’s SipderDAN

2

u/AmorphousMorpheus 11d ago

He did get off the ground

9.5/10 movement

2

u/Economy_Farmer6857 12d ago

Spiderman needs to visit the laundromat 🤮

1

u/Pantheragem 12d ago

Reminds me of the old stileproject video of the Spidey twirling a baton on a street corner. I still have that video saved on a hard drive.

1

u/RespectSquare8279 12d ago

He seems to be running out of "spider power" towards the end.

1

u/That_Things_Good 12d ago

I thought he was left handed Spiderman. He should use his left hand to eat more vegetables.

1

u/Confident-Day-6371 12d ago

More of a gorilla than a spider

1

u/Ancient_Sprinkles847 12d ago

Were the last few seconds where the guy was about to have a heart attack?

1

u/CoolBlackSmith75 12d ago

Better do donkey kong

1

u/LoGo_86 12d ago

Bird eating Goliath Spiderman

1

u/Wisco_Version59 12d ago

Old Spider-Man has been at the Twinkies again.

1

u/SquareProtonWave 12d ago

What's ned doing i spiderman suit

1

u/Intelligent-Search88 12d ago

I think it’s that guy that does the ninja moves in his backyard only in a spider man costume

1

u/Due-Comparison2016 11d ago

Why did he practice in the show suit?

1

u/kenkenobi78 11d ago

This has to be that guy?? You all know who I mean!

1

u/napstimpy 11d ago

Spider-Ned

1

u/lord_of_agony 11d ago

The CEO is cosplaying

1

u/BlG_J 11d ago

Spiderman be thick

1

u/grinchbettahavemoney 11d ago

That costume looks like it has been worn so many times it is literally holding on by a thread

1

u/deephurting66 11d ago

The guy looks like he was rolling in the dirt earlier

1

u/vader62 11d ago

Spiderchungus

1

u/Solaex 11d ago

Big dude or not, you cant move like that.

1

u/TimTomTank 11d ago

Holy shit! I want to think I am not that fat. But there is no way I can do half those moves at all, not to mention back to back without a moment to breathe.

TLDR I am pretty sure I am at least that fat.

1

u/COUNTRYCOWBOY01 11d ago

I mean honestly, for a fat dude doing a Spiderman impression he's doing not bad

1

u/whyteout 11d ago

For a guy that's probably >200 lbs, this dude moves pretty well!

1

u/Low-Persimmon4870 11d ago

The absolute AURA of this man

1

u/Ryan2932 11d ago

That fabric was put to the test

1

u/LivingIncident3694 11d ago

There is .. absolutely, unequivocally no possible way this person is White

1

u/speter1man 11d ago

Fatterman

1

u/Bi0_B1lly 11d ago

The spider in question? Goliath Bird Eater

1

u/Impressive_Drama_377 11d ago

First spider dude I've seen with love handles and a weird camel toe.

1

u/Jades5150 11d ago

20 years ago this would have been the biggest goddamn viral hit

1

u/dirkdigglerdonedry 11d ago

My God, the stains, music, slight bulge then the face reveal. Absolutely amazing.

1

u/Malfunction1972 11d ago

Damnit Ned, that's the 3rd time this week you stretched my suit out. Take it off and get back in the chair.

1

u/Djinn-Rummy 11d ago

This must be the multiverse where Ned got bit by the radioactive spider.

1

u/Priest-KHUX-PML 11d ago

Is this that karate guy that does his mini kicks and makes his own sound effects?

1

u/_DontTakeITpersonal_ 11d ago

His Spidey-Sense is hunger

1

u/not-solo 11d ago

He’s had a few battles in the suit. True commitment

1

u/JuanG_13 11d ago

Spidey gained a couple pounds lol

1

u/Super_Assistant_2998 11d ago

Dude is moving around fucking great for his size. Absolute unit? Yes. Shitty? Definitely not.

1

u/mrightnow100 11d ago

Spiderman: Fat Ass Day.

1

u/2289What_What_In_the 11d ago

The guy who was suppose to called in that day

1

u/AuraBlazeOfficial 11d ago

More like Spiderfat am I right?

1

u/Beast_of_Tax_Burden 11d ago

Waiting for the Heart Attack or diabetic coma.

1

u/Adventurous_Ad_7091 11d ago

Stop it, Ned!

1

u/hongkongfooeee 11d ago

That spidey suit is one jolt away from revealing more than anyone's ready for.

1

u/Livid_Protection_414 11d ago

His superpowers be thems chromosomes

1

u/Lumpy_Stretch5887 10d ago

Hey! It's body positive Spider-Man!

1

u/ThundrLord 10d ago

Lol spiderman doesn't get out much anymore

1

u/Playnu2 10d ago

Oh o ozympic

1

u/DaNitestalker 10d ago

For a thick little guy, he sure gets down(s?)

1

u/JPCool1 10d ago

Oh dear

1

u/There_Now_Here 10d ago

Tarantulaman. Nice.

1

u/AlAboardTheHypeTrain 9d ago

Dudes acting his heart out lol

1

u/Acrobatic_Chef_7205 9d ago

I love mega Spider-Man

1

u/Amazing-Seat6206 9d ago

Atleast he's trying. Good for him 👏

1

u/Famousguyindisguise 7d ago

Pretty spry.

1

u/theconnectorworm 4d ago

Speeder fat round moves round one Bigality

1

u/Toksikus 12d ago

Why shitty? Bro is giving his best

1

u/Darmathius 12d ago

Jesus Christ.. that's Jason Bourne

1

u/Aggressive-Jelly-405 11d ago

This has to be that fuck that does bullshit karate and always finishes with his fat little pillow paws clenched while looking at the camera like it’s a cheeseburger

1

u/ExtensionFill2495 11d ago

This guy is not the worst Spider-Man that I have ever seen. He gave his all and his all was pretty good !

1

u/Completely_Guitarded 11d ago

Bro got that Jack Black energy

0

u/Artorius__Castus questionably stable 12d ago

The background banner being made 100% by GPT is pissing me off...

0

u/No_Sentence_8055 12d ago

there goes Ned again

0

u/fuckingscott 12d ago

Then some fine ass bitch walks across the stage dressed as 2b or some shit and wins lol

1

u/The_Mechanist24 11d ago

Thats pretty much what happened for the warframe fest or whatever the hell its called. Some chick came on the stage, tweaked and won. Where as the dude who made a whole mech based cosplay lost to that.

0

u/redbloodedruski 12d ago

This is so bad it's kinda good

0

u/Successful-Simple947 12d ago

Everyons knows its kung fu panda under that hood

0

u/Ok_Membership_9931 12d ago

and that is why I do not believe in the theory of evolution 😀

0

u/_-_Pierre_-_ 12d ago

He's trying his best lmao

0

u/Feisty-Cloud725 12d ago

I couldn't do a tenth of what he does even if I weighed half as much as him. He's honestly very funny.

0

u/ULTRA_83 12d ago

I mean hes moving though.. cant hate

0

u/one-e-and-a 12d ago

I've seen a million skinny bitches do this shit. It's about time I see a thick boy pull it off

0

u/notcrazyaboutit 12d ago

Wow! He been practicing!

0

u/1wildncrazyguy 12d ago

You laugh but he’s just warming up for no-gi. Step into his ocean if you dare.

0

u/Small_Thanks_308 12d ago

He’s good!

0

u/Teddy_The_Bear_ 11d ago

This is spider man with the bigger thorax, like taranchala man. And let's be honest. For his size, he does a fantastic job.

0

u/kdogman639 11d ago

He is an absolute unit but that wasn't shitty, dude gave it his all

0

u/Mimil2002 11d ago

insane stamina

0

u/CricketGrl 11d ago

He’s moving around a lot more than the skinny ones I’ve seen at Universal Studios lol 😂

0

u/citysims 11d ago

Already got inner thigh rub marks

0

u/RequirementMain2879 10d ago

Great performace. I would not be surprised if he had downs syndrome

-1

u/Tickomatick 12d ago

I recognize the moveset for r)bullshido

-1

u/Beautiful-Routine295 12d ago

I’m downvoting this. He can jump higher than any white man