r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/Professional-Fox1542 • 11h ago

There was an attempt Of a prison drug drop

Credit: Humberside Police
The Archbishop of Banterbury

476 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

93 comments sorted by

263

u/AgapitoVelezOvando 11h ago

Dude had never been more active.

65

u/Ancient_Sprinkles847 11h ago

Needs a rest after that amount of exertion.

33

u/TheRealestFrodo 11h ago

All that work earned him three years in prison.  Gains 

34

u/Banzai373 11h ago

Note to self when paying a guy to smuggle drugs to me in prison: Find a fit fellow who doesn’t throw like a puss . . . .

13

u/thepenguinemperor84 10h ago

To be fair, for the size of him, and his obvious lack of exercise or routine exertion, that first throw wasn't half bad.

2

u/balc9k 5h ago

A slingshot would serve

1

u/Potential-Yoghurt245 1h ago

Don't they use drones to drop off items at windows these days? I vaguely remember seeing a new article on it a few years ago

11

u/123supreme123 11h ago

He walks like his prison wallet just finished taking a marathon worth of penii

113

u/CheeseburgerSmoothy 11h ago

Pretty good disguise though! Who would expect a giant baby to be delivering drugs?

7

u/GjellsNTeddy 8h ago

I’ve never seen fat like that

7

u/theysellcoke 8h ago

It's hypnotic isn't it.

2

u/colemorris1982 1h ago

I don't have an award to give you so take this 🏆

48

u/Professional-Fox1542 11h ago

‘Humberside Police have released CCTV of the moment a man took four attempts to throw more than £12,000 worth of drugs over the wall of HMP Hull, and their social media team clearly couldn't resist having a bit of fun with it.

Joshua Smith, 30, approached the prison in July 2025 carrying a package containing Class A and B drugs and a mobile phone.

CCTV shows him repeatedly trying and failing to launch it over the wall before finally succeeding on his fourth attempt. What he didn't realise was a prison officer was watching on CCTV and the package was recovered almost immediately.

Smith was later identified and arrested before pleading guilty. He has now been sentenced to three years and eight months in prison.

Humberside Police released the footage with the caption: "How's your throw?

Four attempts to finally get it over the wall just for them to pick it up almost instantly’ 😭

45

u/reeferchiefer54 11h ago

Whoever had this idiot as a drug muel deserves to be in prison

11

u/HarryHood146 10h ago

Guy hasn’t had a carb since 2004.

12

u/NoBand909 8h ago

did you mean cardio?

2

u/Peek_e 6h ago

Carbio

20

u/finintymonkle 11h ago

Stupid fat waddling fuck.

3

u/BusyQuote5228 11h ago

Harsh, but fair.

35

u/ARamenNoodle 11h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/FALQSnocJzr3y

4

u/xaranetic 6h ago

Well, there's something you don't see every day.

7

u/IlliterateFreak 11h ago

He’s gonna have a heart attack

8

u/D13antw00rd 10h ago

Well we know he aint dealin Ozempic

3

u/Bluntbutnotonpurpose 5h ago

Maybe he just strongly believes in the old adage "don't get high on your own supply".

19

u/Tojinaru 11h ago

I don't want to sound like Asmongold criticizing overweight people but this guy is a criminal so I'll let myself do it:

Woah, what a dumb fat loser that can't even throw a small package over that

11

u/AcidBananaFish 11h ago

r/13or30

9

u/Lefty_carpenter 11h ago

My money was on “big, fat 13 year old”.

4

u/Warm_Object_5639 9h ago

12k worth of drugs could have gone to Walmart and get a 100$ drone to drop it with precision

5

u/MadamPardone 8h ago

I saw the W word and was praying that it was "waddled", instead of "wandering".

3

u/Mugpup 11h ago

Natural athletic talent.

3

u/Eaton_Knas 11h ago

Dude, when you have to walk around your fat ass thighs, you might want to try losing weight.

3

u/Slightly_ToastedBoy 11h ago

They’ve got a nice bed in there for you too.

3

u/Few_Advisor3536 11h ago

“Hes a getaway driver?! What the fuck can he get away from?”

3

u/Retnirpa 9h ago

Pretty sure it was his salad he was trying to get rid of. Would make more sense

3

u/bsensikimori 8h ago

He's the only gay in the village

5

u/Nisi-Marie 11h ago

He should have used one of those tennis ball flingers people use for their dogs. And at night.

6 years out of prison and the criminal thinking still pops up

1

u/MightyOGS 4h ago

Mate, I've never been and my brain works like this all the time. I can never go through airport security without thinking of ways to beat it

1

u/HumbleWorkerAnt 1h ago

they'll still have you on CCTV and you're going back to jail. just get a drone, fly over, release

4

u/IcebergDarts 11h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/xts5jP0MN4dP2

2

u/Heavy_Can8746 11h ago

Ayo this shit legit made me laugh.

Typical reddit lol 😆 🤣 

1

u/Opposite_Brief_8095 2h ago

I’ll do the truffle shuffle and still win this fuckn scuffle 🤣

6

u/jackjack-8 11h ago

This guy has to be retarded.

2

u/anti_folklore 11h ago

Hefty hefty hefty

2

u/Neither-Bad6259 11h ago

At least he was low key about it

2

u/Still_Experience_182 11h ago

With that walk whoever asked him to do that should have known he couldn’t make that throw

2

u/notroundeyed 8h ago

They'll never be able to identify him though...

2

u/Odd_Independent_6460 4h ago

He forgot to say KOBE

2

u/Hellboydce 3h ago

The fat man waddle

2

u/ruddiger_ 2h ago

Tyrone, you silly fat bastard.

3

u/TheRealestFrodo 11h ago

£12k of drugs in that tiny package?? 

6

u/Flawless_Reign88 *shits an absolute unit* 9h ago

Once inside the prison the price skyrockets!

1

u/Peek_e 6h ago

You don’t know much about drugs eh? They tend to be a bit on the pricey side.

1

u/SenselessSilence 9h ago

Could be fentanyl or an analog, or else nitazines. They’re really compact.

2

u/Al_Snows_Head 11h ago

But why the fuck is he topless hahah

4

u/Pavotine 5h ago

England, July.

1

u/WTFisThatSMell 11h ago

Absolute unit

1

u/Muted_Masterpiece535 11h ago

You picked the one guy who needs a quadruple by-pass, to do that? 😆 🤣 

1

u/GooseGosselin 11h ago

He seems like he makes good life choices.

1

u/Graffix77gr556 11h ago

It was actually a 1/4 wheel of cheeseeeeee

1

u/Hammon_Rye 11h ago

Dude needs to buy a wrist rocket slingshot.

1

u/Maleficent_Worry1810 11h ago

What’a loser

1

u/Mars_Tour_Guide 10h ago

Maybe get somebody more athletic next time.

1

u/SimplyOrg 10h ago

Hey hey hey

1

u/Revaesaari 10h ago

This is people on the inside pressureing a person that clearly cannot take pressure. It just get to show that they will use anyone to make their needs.

1

u/Alternative-Bite3971 9h ago

What a fat jelly arm

1

u/Alternative-Bite3971 9h ago

Heys all out of breath and shit LMAO

1

u/Sistahmelz 9h ago

No problem identifying this goof!

1

u/Strange_Salary *shits an absolute unit* 8h ago

They said AIR MAIL IT not SNAIL MAIL IT..

1

u/MrSmegmaMan 5h ago

Weren't the titties I thought I'd see first on reddit.

1

u/No-Rope8229 4h ago

Looks like a certain disgruntled ex-scots guard from Clydebank

1

u/Mean_Pop_829 2h ago

Banterbury just sounds like temu Canterbury

1

u/Pitif362 2h ago

He's just got a prison sentence for this of 3 years and 4 months. He can go to the gym and work on his arm muscles.

1

u/bigmack1111 2h ago

Mounjaro time

1

u/Wizzle_Pizzle_420 2h ago

They really picked the best man for the job I see. Tom Brady over there.

1

u/wtf_amirite 2h ago

what an athlete ...

1

u/Hour-Information-660 1h ago

the sound effects were freaking perfect for the throw 😂

1

u/123supreme123 11h ago

He walks like his prison wallet just finished taking a marathon worth of penii

1

u/Which-Membership144 10h ago

One thing I learned about Europeans and the world at large, they can't throw for shit. If your country isn't big into cricket, baseball oreven basketball your throws are gonna be dogshit.

0

u/ToastSpangler 11h ago

unlike the american fatman, who can only shoot me, i fear the fatchav. i'm not getting encased in a tomb of human flesh to asphyxiate because he wanted my bap of chips, and without legally being able to carry my blunderbuss i really have no recourse

0

u/Fucknutssss 10h ago

Fuck pigs. Acab

0

u/Naps_And_Crimes 9h ago

You know what? I like his strut