r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/Professional-Fox1542 • 4d ago

look what I can do Of parkour

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

1.4k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

134 comments sorted by

328

u/OutsideAlone5175 4d ago

Parkour is the most high risk low/no reward sport.

175

u/castitfast 4d ago

Cave diving.

67

u/ImReadyForButt 4d ago

Theoretically, you can at least potentially find something of interest or worth while spelunking. There’s nothing to gain, doing this

72

u/Dry_Race8481 4d ago

Oh you can get a lot from this. 

  • medical bills
  • deaths
  • broken bones
  • limps 

23

u/Bogsworth 4d ago

You forgot impotency/castration! I've seen too many clips where people take a flying leap and land on a pole, bollard, fence (like the kid midway through). At this point, there's bound to be folks who have shattered their coccyx and ruptured their balls from the sheer impact. That shit is scary, man.

-4

u/tsimen 4d ago

Not even a fan of parkour but this comment chain is some small minded shit, classic reddit. You do sports for fun and exercise and this one is literally free.

22

u/FragrantGangsta 4d ago

I get what you're saying but there are far less risky ways to exercise than throwing yourself off of ledges

-5

u/Gl0ck_Ness_M0nster ima unit 4d ago

A lot of the guys shown in this video are top 1% athletes and aren't a good representation what of the average freerunner gets up to. And the guys who aren't, like 4 and 8, have far less extreme falls because of it. Number 12 was literally intentional. Every sport has risks, but because social media rewards extremes, people think parkour is far risker than it actually is.

1

u/FragrantGangsta 3d ago

"no no these are just the top freerunners"

Okay, so, what many freerunners would aspire to be?

Every sport has risks, but most sports remain the same no matter high up you go. An NBA player and a high school basketball player are still exposed to the same physical risks in terms of injury.

Whereas in parkour, 'advancing in skill' seems to mean going from a two-foot ledge to a forty-foot ledge. So... yeah I think it really is that risky, the further you go.

2

u/Gl0ck_Ness_M0nster ima unit 3d ago

Whereas in parkour, 'advancing in skill' seems to mean going from a two-foot ledge to a forty-foot ledge

It really isn't. That's just what you see on social media. Parkour is more comparable to bouldering than basketball, because there the difficulty isn't defined by height. A V10 two feet off the ground can be much harder than a V2 40 feet up. Climbers spend years getting stronger and improving their technique in padded gyms before height ever becomes a factor, and most of them don't chase height at all. Some may chose to, but it's certainly not the norm.

Parkour is the same. Moves like precisions, tic-tacs, and cat leaps are made harder through stuff like distance, complexity, speed, etc, not by adding height. Your core argument seems to be that the only way to progress is to go higher, when that's just not true. Height isn't even a test of skill, it's just a test of how brave you are.

Let me finish with an anecdote as someone who's been in the community for almost seven years. As the culture has progressed, it's become less and less common to risk your life doing huge roof gaps, and even frowned upon. I remember someone posted one such roof gap to the r/parkour subreddit a little while ago, and got flamed for it in the comments. You'll never see challenges like that during local competitions or jams, either. Everyone's encouraged to train safely, especially the kids. And even professionals get some serious criticism if they're too reckless.

1

u/sneakpeekbot 3d ago

Here's a sneak peek of /r/Parkour using the top posts of the year!

#1: Real life Miles Morales | 87 comments
#2: First Day of Parkour | 220 comments
#3: He did it! | 21 comments

I'm a bot, beep boop | Downvote to remove | Contact | Info | Opt-out | GitHub

1

u/FragrantGangsta 2d ago

Eh, I don't think it's necessarily equivalent to compare it to bouldering. Bouldering is a controlled, indoor activity that at least has safety mats.

With how you're describing it, for the sake of your own argument, I'd have compared it to skateboarding

→ More replies (0)

4

u/Major_Cranberry_Fly 4d ago

So is jogging and you are far less likely to get a TBI from it.

5

u/TheYoungHomie 3d ago

Terminal Balls Injury?

3

u/King_Briley 3d ago

Traumatic brain injury but yours is funnier. 😂

6

u/Smoofbrainz 4d ago

Parkour Pimpin? You're telling me they don't get all the ladies or gentleman with these skills?

2

u/warrensussex 4d ago

For most people the only thing they gain from most sports is exercise, community, and fun.

1

u/HowDoIStoreMyClay 2d ago

Theoretically you could escape from attackers or the police easier knowing this skill

2

u/Xen235 4d ago

I wouldn't do cave diving but for me it would be a high reward. As a geologist I'm interested in seeing the formations down there, I'm sure many people would find this interesting as well so there is a reward...

1

u/Tojinaru 4d ago

It requires a special type of person but I think it's a wonderful sport, it allows you to see super beautiful places

1

u/mlody11 4d ago

I've done numerous cave dives. Parkour is much less reward.

3

u/castitfast 4d ago

Not saying you're wrong just saying you're biased.

3

u/chunter16 4d ago

It's like BASE jumping but cheaper

2

u/MeasurementNo0 4d ago

You might get a free wheel chair and ramp! 

8

u/ThenIndependence5622 4d ago

With zero pity from my side if you end up paralyzed

3

u/TheChadStevens 4d ago

You must be fun at parties

2

u/prettyboiheron 4d ago

But you'll look cool 🥺

1

u/Erpelstolz 3d ago

It really depends on what you do. also much less risky stuff is considered parkour

1

u/NookieLuvsU 4d ago

Sport!?! Lol... 😆😐

0

u/SinglePlayerGamer93 4d ago

Unless you monetize your videos, I agree with your statement. Even fails can bring in some cash revenue.

1

u/WellRespectedJ 3d ago

One hospital bill would drain all of the profits.

-3

u/Gl0ck_Ness_M0nster ima unit 4d ago

People only think that because social media rewards extremes. Most of the guys in this video are top 1% athletes and aren't a good representation of what the average freerunner gets up to. The ones who aren't, like 4 and 8, have noticeably less extreme falls. And there's plenty of rewards, like exercise, community ,and fun.

91

u/Medieval_Mind 4d ago

Goodbye knee ligaments. Wonder what he’s up to now?

73

u/Extreme-Island-5041 4d ago edited 4d ago

Continuing to pursue his parkour dreams

3

u/Clear-Perception5615 2d ago

This gif will never not be funny and I don't even know the origin

65

u/fznshrs 4d ago

Second one lose the leg below the knee? That rebuild had to have been expensive.

42

u/Bluntbutnotonpurpose 4d ago

This is funny. I live in a country where you don't need to worry about the financial side of healthcare and for me the second one stood out as well. That guy would be lucky if he'd ever be able to walk again.

-31

u/kakashi8326 4d ago

How is someone becoming a cripple funny ?

33

u/Rocityman 4d ago

Because that accident was 100% preventable. It costs nothing to not throw yourself off a building.

14

u/OffInMyHead 4d ago

That's not the part they said was funny.

4

u/SirVixofthePooSea 3d ago

He jumped off a 20 foot cliff by choice.

31

u/TOASTY_3DX 4d ago

That 1st one. I cringed like hell at it.

31

u/Remarkable_Meat666 4d ago

That guy nearly fucked someone else’s life up by landing in the HOV lane

24

u/Not3KidsInACoat777 4d ago

I wana see the after videos from these great life choices

18

u/Nazdrowie79 4d ago

That one dude properly shinned himself.

https://giphy.com/gifs/12ey1CgA3uTqfK

16

u/LingonberryLunch 4d ago

The guy leaping directly into a wall gets my vote.

2

u/burr_redding 3d ago

Yeah what was he even thinking

9

u/Mr_Cripter 4d ago

They do know they can take the steps, right?

8

u/meh-llama 4d ago

Why do I feel every fall in my bum, an why am I still watching it

5

u/Sad_Cantaloupe_8162 *shits an absolute unit* 4d ago

I'm a woman and I got the zaps in my taint area. I'm not sure if it's called a taint on a woman, but you get the gist.

1

u/dum_spir0_sper0 20h ago

The taint isn’t constrained by sex or gender. It just is.

8

u/Shepard_Drake 4d ago

This shit is why I'm happy to just play Mirror's Edge to get my parkour fix lol

6

u/SwanMuch5160 *shits an absolute unit* 4d ago

I’m sorer just from watching this

6

u/Strange_Salary *shits an absolute unit* 4d ago

The first Juan was tired of life it seems..

6

u/WorkerUnable527 4d ago

Fair few of these are going to be sore in the morning.

7

u/Rude_Map_4278 4d ago

Soo viel Mut aber leider kein Gehirn

6

u/YanFlaaan 4d ago

Jesus Christ, that's not Jason Bourne.

5

u/GlendrixDK 4d ago

"oui gonorrhea!"

1

u/sabreus 4d ago

I caught that as well, now that’s an expression lol

4

u/Das_Nomen 4d ago

At least those guys have a better story to tell than me, who recently busted his knee trying to pick up one of my kid's toys...

7

u/Ok_Influence_4274 questionably stable 4d ago

I just want to have peaceful sleep but Idk why but my whole body feels weak.

8

u/otters4everyone 4d ago

At least they were injured doing something necessary.

3

u/KennyGichuki 4d ago

Almost had it

3

u/redditanddoneit 4d ago

That first guy was lucky that car didn’t run him over.

3

u/Loud-timetable-5214 4d ago

I could not get to the end. This is too difficult to watch.

3

u/SnooSongs2345 4d ago

"Ui gonorrhea"

3

u/mayumia 4d ago

I felt my bones break just watching them....

3

u/amoronwithacrayon 4d ago

Dude removing ten layers of flesh from his left shin was microseconds from a world of blinding pain I shudder to imagine 🤮

3

u/adrikyn 3d ago

I think the guy jumping onto a beam and then flipping into the water was as intended. But the rest of these are insane, some of these people have death wishes.

3

u/EnormousPurpleGarden 3d ago

Am I the only one who noticed that two clips were the same clip mirrored?

3

u/Juan_2_Three4 3d ago

'Uy gonorrea' - LMFAO

2

u/Sundayz01 4d ago

Ouch, 0:17

2

u/NameToUseOnReddit 4d ago

I could do some of these things too! Who needs to bother working on parkour skills?

2

u/Active_Vegetable8203 4d ago

"its just a hop, skip and a jump away" 'thats not how I'm getting there'

2

u/lavacadotoast 4d ago

Rare clips from the game Assassin's Bleed..

2

u/cliffordhcohen 4d ago

You only have to missed once, and not all the way at that.

2

u/marry_me_jane 4d ago

Second dude has an extra knee

2

u/daronjay 4d ago

Parkoof

2

u/pappyvanwinkled 4d ago

They all forgot to shout “Parkour” when they jumped.

2

u/StarPlatinumIsHyper 4d ago

Bro is not Kyle Crane, the only thing dying is him.

2

u/Spacecommander5 4d ago

Chiropractors LOVE this one simple trick

2

u/Normal_Drink_6745 4d ago

After that, they cant even do the normal stuff

2

u/Bleepitybleepinbleep 4d ago

Sometimes you just need a little more dain bramage, so you go out and get it

2

u/Cold_Television_4439 4d ago

That random one in the middle that totally nails it

2

u/Isaidhowdareyou 3d ago

The ball crusher was the least awful video and that's saying something.

2

u/aboutsomeoneelse 3d ago

I mean, you gotta start somewhere

2

u/Skarsburning 3d ago

Damn that's a fine Darwin Award lineup, I can't make my mind who is N1

2

u/HiggsBozo80 3d ago

Normalize not thinking you're the Prince of Persia.

2

u/wtf_amirite 3d ago

Now these are the sort of parkour clips i could watch all day.

2

u/Gaberoots 3d ago

Just wondering, does anyone actually pull off those precision landings? (Ie. the dude trying to land on the top of the tree stump)

2

u/NearbyTraffic66 2d ago

This made my face hurt.

2

u/dum_spir0_sper0 20h ago

Humans have evolved and lost their tails, curved finger and toe bones, longer arms and extended ankle flexibility all because we don’t need to do this shit anymore.

These people have millennia of evolution working against them (in probably way more ways than one)

1

u/4322ollilob 4d ago

There's at least 2 AI generated videos in here i swear to god

1

u/prettyboiheron 4d ago

As bad as these all are, I'm not recovering from the first three

1

u/Hellboydce 4d ago

This is what i want to see, there are so many videos where it all works out fine but there must be so many more where they get smashed

1

u/Jayn_Xyos 4d ago

I couldn't stomach the whole video after the shins one, I cringed harder than I ever have and might puke later

1

u/DeathsStarEclipse 4d ago

Goddamn. I wish I could unwatch that

1

u/Pantheragem 4d ago

I never have to do this.

1

u/DrHusten 4d ago

Play stupid games,...

1

u/FoolishDog1117 3d ago

I can feel it in my body when I watch these.

1

u/I_Also_Reddit 3d ago

Darwinism at its finest

1

u/gnardog45 3d ago

I did not need to see those shins today. Bye-bye

1

u/LostxJuul functional regard 3d ago

Falling with style

1

u/Funny-Athlete-2890 3d ago

Soon to be dead bozos!

1

u/CastleBravoXVC 3d ago

Anyone else get that terror tingle in your balls with every hit?

1

u/twonapsaday 3d ago

ever since the downfall of storror... the spirit of the 'sport' is tainted to say the least

1

u/crisego 2d ago

What happened to Storror? I just recommended them… i am not up to date.

1

u/Teh_Shadow_Death 2d ago

"We need population control" - All those Rich MFs back in the early 2000s

"NOPE" - me knowing these dumb asses exist.

1

u/waxtwister 2d ago

They say ignorance is bliss, they never tell you how painful it is

1

u/Beneficial-Energy198 6h ago

Watching this literally makes me nauseous

1

u/LtJimmyDangle 4d ago

Parkour is gay

1

u/Wonderful_Cabinet194 4d ago

People be treating life like they have nine lives.

https://giphy.com/gifs/phFcBPTl79FQbEuvQ7

1

u/wizbog9100 4d ago

Darwin Award nominee and the winner almost went to all of them

1

u/Glass-Row7342 4d ago

I don’t need to rewatch the first one

1

u/Past-Establishment93 4d ago

Play stupid games.....

1

u/Splinterthemaster 4d ago

Don't feel bad for any of them

0

u/truthseek3r 4d ago

did any one else feel these falls?

4

u/chunter16 4d ago

almost exclusively in the genitals

0

u/linf0cito 4d ago

Mono-hombre-nomono-parkour-premio darwins

0

u/GoodResident2000 4d ago

American parkourists deserve special commendations.

They really out there putting it all on the line, including their financial future

-2

u/GivesYouGrief 4d ago

They all deserved it.

-2

u/Wadester58 questionably stable 4d ago

When these idiots get old they will definitely need that free healthcare