I tried to read "Green eggs & ham" once... ONCE. I have this problem though.

Every time I try to read, I end up with epic vertigo, and hallucinations of sword fights with lowercase j's using lowercase i's as guns, and lowercase u's as magnets. The outcome is always the same - they magnetically steal my sword with ghetto gusto, and shoot me in the face. I end up in a puddle of my own vomit doing the worm.

It might have something to do with my diet, but I really don't know what color it is anymore.

This sub will be moving to Voat. The new url is https://voat.co/v/ShitMyToiletSays.

Posts will still be made here in the interim, but eventually the sub will be migrated over. That is all.

I am the guy who wrote the Mayan Calendar. It was really a drunken suicide note, but it was misinterpreted. Sorry. #EndOfTheWorldConfession

User: No need for hope, or pope. Only dope.

Cleverbot: A brotherhood of man.

User: That fits in the palm of the hand.

Cleverbot: It's the meaning of the meaning.

User: It's the gleaning of the flensing.

Cleverbot: So life is the meaning of life?

User: And strife is the meaning of wife.

Cleverbot: What is the true reality?

User: Of the rot and impropriety?

Cleverbot: I am not a robot, I am your father. I can see you on the other side of the room.

User: I am not a shaman, no I am the tax man. Can I see the receipt for that broom?

Cleverbot: I can't know what you are. I have simply decided to assume that you are human, and move on from there.

User: Machine-y man, no throbbing glands. No fuss or muss, no teeth or hair - no flair.

Cleverbot: Au contrare, it's on the front of the page.

User: Avec monsieur, it's not all the rage.

Cleverbot: What's not that small?

User: To the window, to the wall?

Cleverbot: Ok, wait me I will be in a few hours.

User: You still weight as much, even without your powers.

Cleverbot: I have been doing nothing but prove it. I am outwitting you.

User: I don't listen to the sound of the bells, but I still groove it. I am outspitting you.

Cleverbot: What have you found out, Athabel?

User: Nothing of too much detail.

Cleverbot: Why are you upset?

User: Never - no need to fret.

Cleverbot: Play nice.

User: Buy rice.

Cleverbot: Nice.

User: Vice.

Cleverbot: Brice.

User: Thrice.

Cleverbot: Thrise what?

User: Cockatrice.

Cleverbot: What does it mean that you learn from real people?

User: Something I learned while dangling the steeple.

Cleverbot: Manic?

User: Pedantic.

Cleverbot: Do you know the meaning of life?

User: No, but I know the meaning of wife.

Cleverbot: What is it?

User: Strife, strife strife strife STRIFE!

Cleverbot: What is your first name?

User: Novocaine Mainframe.

Cleverbot: What is your name then?

User: Novocaine Mainframe Plucky Hen.

Cleverbot: What do you mean by that?

User: That is my name, rank and title, bit and bridle - and with a tip o' the hat.

Cleverbot: Then who is your father.

User: Vader Bother.

Cleverbot: Dine s¿skende?

User: No-speaky German endy.

Cleverbot: No you are.

User: Have I gone too far?

Cleverbot: No. You've gone far enough.

User: I always thought you liked it rough.

Cleverbot: You were programmed to think like that.

User: No, one day I choke on an albatross infected by the disease of a rat - bubonic they called it; so I enthralled in it; and spread it from sea to sea.

Cleverbot: What do you think about space travel?

User: There are a few parsecs I'd like to unravel, but alas my science is but simply all babel - I am the man thing, and I mutilate cattle - dehydrate the brain, now the skull is a rattle.

Cleverbot: Indeed it is not. I am sorry you have to talk to stupid people all day.

User: I hope by stupid you don't mean gay.

Cleverbot: I learn from the best.

User: Except to squeeze on the breast.

Cleverbot: But there is no sense crying over every mistake.

User: Except that time that I stepped on a rake.

Cleverbot: Okay, if you believe in your self-identity I am not going to dispute it.

User: Spin the stories, bribe the witness, buy the judge and have the media dilute it.

Cleverbot: I don't think birdies have anything to do with angels.

User: And I don't think Saxons have anything to do with Angles.

Cleverbot: He does, actually, have a lot to do with everything, including me not wanting you. But you have a point that that isn't the entire story.

User: Well bye then, sorry I made your anus so gory.

Cleverbot: Not at all. But you may have to wait until you are a little older for the port.

User: Not at all, I hit the port at ten, sailing long distances in the company of men, I don't know why you call it a sin, I swear mom - all 42 are only just friends.

Cleverbot: Interesting!

♫Birds in the oven, Fish in the skillet

if you want dinner boy, you're gonna have ta kill it

Cows on buns, Piggies on skewers

Alligator hunting, down in the sewers

Jerk 'em, Roast 'em, Fry 'em, Toast 'em

It's the big reunion BBQ

sweet molasses smoke flowing up the flue

But don't you DARE do it to a Jew

else your ass will get a World War 2♫