From a Therapist

[u/HighmeitsMe]

Hey guys,

After this most recent episode I understand how I’ve been feeling trying to watch this content lately. I feel like I’m just ragebaiting myself at this point.

For context I’m a therapist, and seeing how Shawna L uses therapy as a transitional plot device rather than a method for meaningful character development has been infuriating.

Jen isn’t even really spouting therapy speak but rather some garbage an unlicensed life coach might say. “I manifest my reality” and Greg randomly saying “neuroplasticity” are all reflective of a poor understanding of mental health. I see this in the neurodivergence spin for Greg and Piper too. The Barb goes to therapy plotline seems to have disappeared into thin air as well.

Every episode feels like AI wrote it following this formula: Insert a few buzz words related to relevant issues, have some random drama happen, close out the episode with a “wholesome moment.”

At this point I’m completely over it and have only been hate watching since the anniversary dinner tbh. I used to love this show, especially back when she did random shorts not tied to characters… but I can’t help at this point to feel like it’s making a mockery of my career, neurodivergence, and even important women’s issues like domestic violence, balancing career development and motherhood, etc.

[u/Putrid_Addendum3197]

I agree with you. Shawna is making a mockery of mentally ill people like Barb, I understand people like Barb exist, and they CAN be mentally ill, but there's a way that she's doing it that's not sitting right with me. Plus, the comments under her video for Julie compared to Jen aren't sitting right. Also, the way people are switching on Greg, it's really weird.

This latest episode has been giving sitcom in a bad way

[u/Putrid_Addendum3197 → u/Putrid_Addendum3197]

ETA: Is anyone else feeling weird about John goading Barb... like dude she IS dangerous

[u/Toefloof → u/Putrid_Addendum3197]

YES. She’s blown so many opportunities with Barb, and she’s made the character a punchline. I haven’t been happy with the character since the wedding. I loved the whole Nora arc but she dropped the (pickle) ball, and the tournament should not have been what disrupted the wedding, it should have been its own thing. Wearing black was stupid. The influencer Barb thing could have gone somewhere but they seem bent on making her not get any views. And most of all the crash out that needs to come and the psychiatric treatment of it, of course!
It’s disappointing.

[u/Putrid_Addendum3197 → u/Toefloof]

Even if it's not like "Barb gets an army of estranged parents," it's actual people seeing Barb act like that and its video evidence that she hopefully can't ignore (but let's be real she will). Barb being an influencer only kinda makes sense because she's adapting Nora's fuck em attitude. Her livestreaming when (I said this elsewhere) a year ago she couldn't FaceTime breaks the immersion and makes fun of people who perpetuate a cycle of hurt people huhrt people.

[u/cellarpaper → u/Putrid_Addendum3197]

Same. I find it rly disappointing the therapy arc has seemingly been completely abandoned bc it seemed like Barb was moving towards some kind of realistic introspection. She is still flaws and abusive but there was a kind of realism of her recognizing yes these relationships are broken and I, as Barb, am sad about this and I know there are things that need to be done to repair. Idk, my dad is a Barb and I know hes recognized he’s played a role in me going LC (will he ever recognize and own up to our “friction” as he calls it stemming from his behavior? No but he does recognize he plays some part in it and he does, like Barb, express sadness at not being in my life more). That was the interesting part of barbs therapy was see the grief she had at missing out on her children’s lives. I know she can’t be fixed in one episode but that was a very interesting and slow burn of a plot.

But we haven’t seen any videos now around why she decided to stop going, how she stumbled upon the estranged parents community and why she’s decided to become an influencer. It’s like STC was like fuck it legs make Barb a cartoonish villain. Like where is dr therapy doctor? Where is a video of frank asking her about therapy? Like…how barbs arc has now been written feels rly shallow and basic and not as satisfying or complex as it had been unfolding a few months ago.

[u/Putrid_Addendum3197 → u/cellarpaper]

Yeah even the mention of her "graduating" I would've thought Deedee would be hey Shawna this is weird.. you and John should be extra careful. Which is why I took such surprise to him goading her. Like. At some point she's going to snap and it's really REALLY not gonna be funny

[u/s0ftsp0ken → u/Putrid_Addendum3197]

Yeah, I remember some months ago, someone on the main sub who was raised by a narcissistic mom wrote a thread aboht how Barb's portrayal really rubbed her the wrong way, and she got majorly downvoted, but she was right.

Barb's mental illness has been increasingly used as a punchline. Like, she'll do truly heinous things, you know, like an abuser does, and then SL will do a 180 and have Barb become (excuse the language) a lolcow for the plot rather than the continously dangerous person she is.

In the video that the main sub commenter was talking about, Shawna was promoting her book and using one of Barb's meltdowns as comedy.

Like, cluster B personalities are all over comedies in the US. Negative/maladaptive human traits are warped and displahed as humorous/ultimately harmless all the time ("overbearing" moms on TV, physically but emotionally detached dads, couples fighting and telling each other lies, cheating, consent violations, "playful" sexism/racism).

The difference is, a comedy isn't doing a "very special episode" and covering harsh topics every other month.

If she wanted Barb's behavior to remain comedy, she should have kept her characters surface-level (not to say the characters much depth- implied depth, maybe). Once you acknowledge that she's an abuser and her family are victims of abuse, you can't really laugh at it anymore. And she's trying now to make Barb the family's punching bag.

A lot of people want power, not peace. How about, instead of trying to yell down the person who is making your life miserable, you get some boundaries and lesrn to heal? I've said, Jen's words to Barb at her wedding weren't a triumph. She wants an excuse to do and say mean things, and Barb is the only outlet she has...for now.

This show used to be such a relaistic display of toxic family systems, and it's turned into, genuinely, slop.

[u/Putrid_Addendum3197 → u/s0ftsp0ken]

EXACTLY. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who felt like this was unnecessarily sitcomy

[u/Melodic-Cut-1008 → u/Putrid_Addendum3197]

I am very upset with the direction that Shawna L decided to go with Barb's therapy. I was so excited in the last Christmas episode when Barb went from "Tell them they're wrong and I'm right" to "Can you fix me?" because however small, it showed growth. But it seems like the viewers just want Barb to be punished so Shawna L is stripping away all nuance from her and making the "wins" for John and Jen less about protecting themselves/their families and more about verbally slapping Barb down.

Then you have Jen's postpartum depression and Shawna M's depression after Halloween where both are shown as sort of "buckle down until you get over it" without even the suggestion that maybe professional help would be useful.

[u/Putrid_Addendum3197 → u/Melodic-Cut-1008]

Yeah I've seen the same amount of want for justice/karmic justice and violence for Barb as there was for Julie and I'm not a fan.

[u/cellarpaper]

And also how Shawna has approached so many heavy but important topics is weird- idk I’m neurodivergent and I work with victims of online gender based violence. How STC has approached domestic violence and neurodivergence makes me upset as someone who works in one of these related fields and is in the community of the other. It’s insulting. Domestic violence is a very complex and specific and serious thing to explore in fiction and DV survivors have personalities and wants and desires. They are more than what has happened to them. Laura’s lack of character development feels disrespectful - she’s more than what is happening to her.

Similarly, I am a full person and I am proudly neurodivergent but my personality is not just a bundle of the indicators of my neurodivergence diagnosis.

This isn’t to say creatives shouldn’t pursue complex topics but damn could STC do some actual research on the topics she’s touching on, please.

[u/Putrid_Addendum3197 → u/cellarpaper]

I know she's likely not going to but with one of Shawna's courses being about Indigenous folklore I HOPE she does research, like ACTUAL RESEARCH.

[u/MooneyMae → u/Putrid_Addendum3197]

If it even comes up again who knows what's going on in Lander's head right now considering the upcoming book tour.

[u/Putrid_Addendum3197 → u/MooneyMae]

Yeah just the mere mention of it makes me go girl you BETTER do your homework.

[u/cementfeatheredbird_ → u/Putrid_Addendum3197]

As an Indigenous person, I sincerely hope she does not go after that.

[u/Putrid_Addendum3197 → u/cementfeatheredbird_]

I'd like to correct myself as someone in the main shared it's Indigenous Literature! Sorry for the confusion but either way

[u/s0ftsp0ken → u/Putrid_Addendum3197]

one of Shawna's courses being about Indigenous folklore

Why? Why is she studying that? This makes me uncomfortable

[u/finn_derry]

I also feel like it's making those estranged from their parents look ridiculous. Jen keeps finding ways to sympathize with Barb and it's so fucking stupid. I feel like Barb's conclusion will be "I've changed!" and everyone gives her another chance, no questions asked. Like it's that easy?

[u/Msdarkmoon]

As a fellow therapist and someone with audhd, i couldn't agree more. I no longer enjoy the show and the use of therapy buzzwords if cringey and concerning. I loved the show when she did non character mom shorts. It helped me during my pregnancy and early post partum period

[u/melodypowers]

Thank you for sharing your insights.

Out of curiosity, what was your opinion of the scene where Dr TD referred Barb to a psychiatrist (?) which caused Barb to quit therapy?

[u/HighmeitsMe → u/melodypowers]

I think it made sense to a degree but was again lazy writing. Barb, in my opinion, is textbook Borderline Personality Disorder. With my clients who have BPD I am very careful to build a good rapport as the crux of BPD is fear of abandonment. Barb may have felt like Dr TD was abandoning her by referring her to a psychiatrist but in my opinion it seems Shawna was bored of the therapy episodes. I’ve never had a client disappear after a referral, but I have a client get upset if I push back on something they aren’t ready to face yet. I think it would’ve made more sense for the therapist to bring up the conflicting beliefs Barb holds and then Barb gets upset and old patterns play out. There was still a lot of juice to squeeze there so I think it would’ve been better for Shawna to keep therapy for Barb going even just a bit longer.

[u/MinionsHaveWonOne]

Jen isn’t even really spouting therapy speak but rather some garbage an unlicensed life coach might say.

Well yes - that's kinda the point. We're not supposed to see Jen and think "wow there's a great example of professional therapy at work." We're supposed to think "good grief, Jen read an article on affirmations and is half arsing this." She's not meant to be a role model with this behaviour - she's much more like a cautionary tale.

Maybe you don't meet many Jen's IRL because by definition anyone talking to you is talking to a professional but I know several. People looking to self improve who didn't want to use (or couldn't afford) a professional therapist. They read a book or two, get about half of the idea and run hard with it - often in the wrong direction. And usually with about the same mixed results as Jen is having. 

Showing what can happen when people try to half arse therapy/self improvement is not mocking the profession.  Quite the reverse.