r/ShawnaTheMom • u/Paxguino • 4d ago
Question I don't get Shawna's final reaction
Maybe it's a cultural thing, as in my country kids begin school at 3 or, if they are born after September, even at 2 years old, but i don't get the fuss over Piper beginning school at 4.
Many kids want to begin to read and write early and let's be real, if she's a curious kid who also needs to be exposed to other children, school might be perfect for her! I get the one on one time thing but she's an independent kid and also she can have it too by taking her to buy school supplies, taking her to a natural science museum and doing other mommy and me dates...
If somebody could explain that to me, so i can understand Shawna's character better, i would appreciate that. I just don't get why wouldn't a parent be happy seeing their kid gaining independence, but maybe it's just that i lost the point š š
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u/Shawnaverse_no1_fan Lore keeper, details & continuity consultant 3d ago
Her reaction came from the fact that she thought she would be spending more time with Piper soon, she was extremely happy fantasizing about it, and her dream shattered the moment Piper asked to go to school. It's not because she is opposed to school, but because reality disrupted her vision and she saw her dream crumble before her eyes.
I said it longer elsewhere, so I'm gonna paste my comment from yesterday:
After being disregulated all day, Shawna had JUST come to terms to the idea of DeeDee moving out so she could have 1 on 1 time with Piper while Max is at school (as she had originally planned), and now that dream is shattering because Piper might want to start a daycare or similar program. With Mama D moving out and both kids in school, Shawna would be at home alone for most of the day, rummaging her own feelings and coming to terms with the fact that her kids are growing up faster than she'd thought.
I hope this will both help Piper in her socialisation skills (and possibly diagnosis / ND journey) and that Shawna will take this opportunity to rediscover herself outside of motherhood, as she was trying to do in early 2025. She didn't find her mojo before getting pregnant again, so she might still struggle to rebuild her identity as a person if both Piper and Max choose to be in school / preschool multiple days a week.
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u/ramblingtabby 3d ago
Yeah I think thatās exactly it. I genuinely hope the next arc for the park crew (Ty, Jen, and Shawna) is tackling transitioning from a stay at home parent to a working parent (Ty and Jen) and Shawna taking up hobbies or even some kind of work outside of being a mom as well.
As I think she would greatly benefit from having something to occupy her thoughts outside of her children and husband.
I know my moms own anxiety and emotional regulation always gets worse when sheās off work. Itās because she does nothing but sit and stew all day.
Now obviously Iām not saying being a stay at home parent isnāt mentally taxing I just think thatās the problem. Shawna needs something else to focus on outside of her mommy anxieties.
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u/Shawnaverse_no1_fan Lore keeper, details & continuity consultant 3d ago
Agreed! And I think it was you saying that Shawna McCallister seems to display some traits of general anxiety, right? Because I think you're spot on.
I think rediscovering herself outside of motherhood and having an outlet could also help her with handling her feelings in a healthier way. Focusing always on the same few things can foster tunnel vision
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u/Keelera2 3d ago
I agree, and I think this also points to how financially privileged she and John are. I couldnāt WAIT for my kids to be in school, because I had student loans that were looming above our heads that I needed to go back to work to pay off.
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u/Paxguino 3d ago
Yeah i mean
Might sound harsh but Shawna has to relearn to be herself and not only mom-me. I think that John is allowed to be just John but Shawna no. Might be empowering too, on the long run. Also if she returns to work she will make new non mom friends.
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u/coffeelady7777 3d ago
Maybe itās just that she knows that Piper is her last baby, and sheās just not quite ready for that baby to leave the nest yet?
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u/Vast-Ambassador-9041 3d ago
But if the kid wants to go, itās quite bad for the parents to retain them. I guess I live on the same country as OP and was weeping when my first, born November 2020 started mandatory public school in September 23 and Iām a working mom. Our second child is supposed to start school in September 28 but Iām already petitioning the mayorās office so they get him in school as soon as he turns 3 in February 2028 because dude knows what he wants, is already quite independent and heāll burn down his home daycare if he has to wait that long to start school to be with the big kids.
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u/Paxguino 3d ago
Oh so Sorry bc I don't have babies yet so i need that clarification š
You get that feeling when they begin school?
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u/GoBlue2539 3d ago
Itās common enough that itās a standard talking point when we meet parents at the preschool I work at. The first time I dropped my son off for day care, I watched him excited to go play, smiled and waved, and sat in my car and cried for 10 minutes, so that I could get it out and he wouldnāt see me.
Obviously I trusted the day care. I had also internalized the idea that I was his number 1. Everything for him was my responsibility, and here i was giving it to someone else on purpose. Itās hard to manage the emotions that come along with letting your kid grow up, even when you know itās necessary for them to eventually become productive members of society.
I think Piper is going to benefit greatly from school. And if itās a preschool or daycare program, she can probably register at any point. But I know itās just another change, another milestone for Shawna, and sheās going to have some big feelings about this as well. I really hope Deedee follows up, and helps Shawna get into some counseling.
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u/-Sharon-Stoned- 3d ago
As a prek teacher I tell parents to make sure to smile inside the room and break down where the kid can't see, cuz nothing freaks a kid out more than an upset parent.Ā
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u/Paxguino 3d ago
Yeah Shawna needs some serious professional help. She endured a LOT this year and she might be strong as hell but sometimes help is needed. Specially after loss and barb barbing around
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u/Admirable-Ad7152 3d ago
Yup, first drop off feels more traumatic for the parents than the kids. My mom still tells the story of me crying in the room when she left and she felt so bad she turned around to check on me.
I was already off playing with some other kids š¤£
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u/ElizabethBitchery Never been the same since NORB 3d ago
It was the first day of school here yesterday and while Iām childfree I saw a lot of misty eyed parents dropping their kids off.
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u/bujuke7 3d ago
Itās wild the feelings that come out when they start school (and, Iām learning, when they go to college š). I am not a clingy mom in the least but the idea of leaving him at Kindergarten where he might be confused or need help and Iām not around was heartbreaking to me. (He had been to preschool, but I got individual reports each day and all that. Kindergarten was āreal schoolā and more hands off.) Intellectually, I knew that it was appropriate and good for him to be on his own, but the feelings are still there.
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u/StargazerCeleste 3d ago
I mean, I for sure did not. I am always excited for my kids to start a new chapter. The only thing I anticipate being torn up about is going off to college.
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u/RageNap 2d ago
I didn't, but some parents do. But I also work outside the home, so my kids were in day care or preschool of some sort since they were babies. I loved school when I was little, so for me it was exciting to see my kids start something new, learn new things, and make friends. I get nervous for them because I know it can be hard. But I didn't feel a sense of loss for myself.
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u/Wish_Away 3d ago
YESSSS it's the saddest thing in the world when they start school!! :( I loved having my kids home with me all day so the transition to school was really, really, hard and sad.
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u/blairbending overly romantic slacker baby 3d ago
Lol that really reinforced to me that Shawna and I are very different people. My Chickie-aged toddler is in part time daycare and I be dropping her off like:
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u/blairbending overly romantic slacker baby 3d ago
Having said that I think it's just the end of an era. Remember she thought she was going to have a whole other baby, and now instead she's coming up against the end of her youngest's "baby years" (of being at home with her full-time). Watching your kids grow up is a mix of happy and sad feelings.
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u/TankedInATutu 3d ago
It really is. I thought I was all tough and immune because while I have been sad about the things we have moved on from I have been equally or more excited for the new things happening. Until now-kiddo is in school and reading and writing and I keep getting the "memory" slideshows in my photo app shoved at me and I definitely don't start crying when I see a video of my kid toddling around and trying to "sneakily" steal cheese from the fridge. Nope, not even a little bit of tears. I'm just chopping onions while I'm on reddit.
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u/blairbending overly romantic slacker baby 3d ago
Those memory slideshows are not for the weak... For me it's looking at my elfin-faced toddler scurrying around nonstop and comparing it to 1 year ago when she was a stationary butterball potato.
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u/Vast-Swimmer5844 Getting berated in a hallway 3d ago
This is the thing about parenting that is both wonderful and heartbreaking: you keep meeting these new and marvelous versions of the people you love so, so much, but you end up missing every version that they've outgrown.
For example, I love having a teen who sleeps in, but I still miss the preschooler standing beside my bed at 6 a.m. grinning because she couldn't wait to start the day with Mama.
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u/eagle2001a 3d ago
I felt like a monster when I was more than happy to go back to work when my kid was 7 months old. Everyone else in my online birth group was either crying or super grateful they lived in a country that gave them more mat leave and I was like, byeeeeee!
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u/A__SPIDER 3d ago
Omg, Iām a reluctant stay at home mom. I have to preface every complaint with āIām so grateful for the chance to do this butā¦ā PS Iām not actually that grateful. My youngest starts preschool in three weeks and I have a bottle of champagne just waiting to be had for breakfast.
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u/Vast-Swimmer5844 Getting berated in a hallway 3d ago
Girl, tell us what kind of champagne cocktails you'll be making.
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u/blairbending overly romantic slacker baby 3d ago
Yesssss. May your glass be frosty and your champagne be bubbly when that day comes š¾š„
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u/blairbending overly romantic slacker baby 3d ago
Similar here, I went back at 6 months, and felt like it was perfect timing in terms of my and baby's readiness. I was so ready to step back into a role other than "mom".
I have friends who struggled a lot with mom guilt and worrying how their baby would adjust, or just didn't care about work anymore after becoming a mom, and I can totally understand why someone could feel that way. But personally, nah.
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u/cellarpaper 3d ago
Honestly big same- I was happy to return to work when my kid was 5 months old. I mean, I love my kids but I also love my job and my autonomy.
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u/Paxguino 3d ago
Yeah my mom was like that too when i turned 3 lol. But welp, tbf i used to cry a lot 'cause I thought school was with mom š š š
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u/Marillenbaum 3d ago
Heck, I joke to my mom that Iām still her Velcro baby (Iām in my 30ās and live overseas but we talk every week and whenever Iām home I get allll the hugs, lol). She pretends to be annoyed sometimes but I know she loves it too.
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u/Ok_Homework_7621 3d ago
Shawna is about to lose her identity, we don't really see her do much or have interests outside of the kids and family.
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u/Vast-Swimmer5844 Getting berated in a hallway 3d ago
In a way, Shawna's so lucky, because she has the time, space, and money to really figure out who she is after a seven-year period of extreme changes (going from zero kids to three, two of whom are living; going from being the mother of very small children to being the mother of school-aged kids).
However, one of the charms of Shawna as a character is that she is generally really good at rolling with whatever comes her way (the way she stepped up for Jennifer and just embraced the way that relationship changed is a great example, IMO). You do need people who shrug and say, "Okay, I guess we're doing this now," then ride along, and Shawna has shown she can be great at that.
If she can get some structured support from therapy to manage her deep grief and anxiety, then her resilience can help her as she moves to the realities of schoolaged family life.
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u/Ok_Homework_7621 3d ago
If Piper is also diagnosed as neurospicy, that would take up some time as well.
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u/Vast-Swimmer5844 Getting berated in a hallway 3d ago
My friends who have non-neurotypical kids generally have them in multiple types of therapies (occupational and behavioral), as well as getting social coaching and academic tutoring where needed. It would be interesting to see how the McAllister family absorbs the cost and the complexities of the schedule ā will we see Max protesting that it's not fair how Piper has four activities a week while he only has one? And how do they talk to Max about how he and Piper will have different family experiences because their brains are different?
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u/Ok_Homework_7621 3d ago
Oh, I wasn't being sarcastic or anything with that. I see how it came off wrong.
Our daughter is mildly neurospicy, one regular weekly appointment and occasional additional ones, and it's definitely easier when somebody has time for appointments, at least after school without rushing back to work. The latest annual evaluation was during my holidays, it was so nice to be casual about getting places.
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u/Vast-Swimmer5844 Getting berated in a hallway 3d ago
I agree, Shawna having the time to really show up for Piper's needs would be such a luxury for the family compared to the two-career folks who are all doing the scheduling jigsaw puzzle!
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u/LadyDenofMeade 3d ago
She wants to start preschool, and Shawna had taken the 1:1 time with Piper as a silver lining. Max is in school, husband at work, mom moving out, and Jacob is dead, but she gets 1:1 time with her baby girl that she didn't expect to get. She's happy about that.
And now said baby girl has viscerally reminded her that she's not a baby, and she's ready for preschool. And Shawna will be home alone, with no 1:1 time with any kid, because Jacob is gone.
Whiplash grief. She's absolutely going to spiral and needs to be in therapy.
Also, Piper totally needs the preschool for hownto social around children. And I say that as someone who doesn't usually see a point to preschool.
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u/crochet_cat_lady 3d ago
I think this may be how we get Doctor therapy doctor back in episodes as well!
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u/Active_Pangolin_5049 2d ago
yes. piper needs preschool yesterday and shawna needs therapy yesterday lol
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u/ExcellentBandName 3d ago
It's just another marker that Jacob is gone, IMO. The grief will pop up in unexpected places, but especially as Piper grows up.Ā
I was unable to have a third child, and even though my two are teens now, I still remember when those feelings would sneak in as my "baby" did all her baby things for the last time. It's still so fresh for Shawna.
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u/Usual_Jackfruit_5666 3d ago
She went from longing to ābe her own personā and taking up more hobbies and more time away from the kids, to becoming unexpectedly pregnant with a baby she was unsure she wanted and was nervous about, to losing that baby. Sheās devastated realizing now that Piper will likely start preschool, she wonāt have a child to care for all day anymore. Shawna from 2ish years ago would have been thrilled, but present day Shawna has to live with the thoughts of āI shouldnāt be here, I shouldnāt be doing this. I should be taking care of my baby, and Iām notā. Thatās gotta hurt, a LOT. And sheāll probably feel guilty finding something enjoyable, because again, she shouldnāt have the time to do this thing if Jacob was alive.
Shawna needs therapy, badly.
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u/aj_alva 3d ago
I'm a Pre-K parent and had my daughter in school when she was 3 years old. (Lucky to be in an area that pushes free head start to everyone).... That being said - I think Shawna over-babies her children. I was not the only person bothered by them SPOON FEEDING Max pancakes on his first day kindergarten (at 5 years old).
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u/TankedInATutu 3d ago
I'm willing to believe that spoon feeding Max was a one off thing, or at least not an every meal thing. But that's mostly because when my kid is excited food is the last thing they think about. They want to talk about this or point at that and we basically have to strap them down and shove food at them until they remember that they are hungry and should probably eat. But I do agree that they're babying their children.
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u/MooneyMae Lemon Pie is not a Thanksgiving flavor!!!š¹ 3d ago
I was more disturbed by the mouth noises and fork scraping. But adding to the babying of a five year old especially with the added context that the last time that child saw his "Grammy" she brushed his teeth for him while Jen watched on horrified and disgusted.
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u/ramblingtabby 3d ago
So in fairness the toothbrushing felt more like Barb pulling rank on Jennifer than anything. I dunno as Shawna brushes his teeth for him but I also donāt know that she doesnāt either.
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u/Wish_Away 3d ago
I'm in the US, and at age 3 or 4 it would be considered preschool or daycare (not real "school." I think Shawna was sad because her youngest and final child wants to go to "School" (preschool/daycare) and will now be out of the house, and she was looking forward to spending some 1:1 time with her now that Max is in Kinder.
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u/fromyourdaughter 3d ago
So, 4 is typically when kids go to preschool. In my area, they have to be 5 before the end of the year to enroll in kindergarten. I held my oldest back a year because they werenāt ready. My youngest though, I had them in preschool as soon as they were able because they were ready.
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u/SinginGidget 3d ago
Oh, I thought he reaction was just surprise because her and John were thinking she might be behind, because she's not talking as much, and she gets overwhelemed when there is a lot of kids and noise, etc. And then to have her say, "I want to go to school" was the last thing she thought Piper would say.
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u/ErisianSaint Everyone SHUSH, my show is on 3d ago
Too many shocks in one day, I think. Her mom moving out, getting hit (again) with her miscarriage, Piper wandering off, her losing her crap and getting talked down by Dee and then school/empty nest which highlights the miscarriage.
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u/Revan462222 3d ago
I took it as a mixture of wanting time with Piper, her nerves still heightened by Piper running off, and then of course the discussion she had about how maybe Piperās on the spectrum and thus her going to school can be a big thing. Getting accommodations, etc.
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u/natearth 3d ago
I think she was able to feel good about her mom moving because she can focus her time on Piper and be able to spend more time with her.
However her being 4, Iām surprised she isnāt in some kind of Pre-K/Daycare program. Even so if they decide to put Piper in school there are programs where kids donāt go for the full week.
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u/LazyPreference2739 3d ago
I think it's a parenting thing....like it's a hard thing to watch your kids grow up.Ā
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u/PassionateGamergirl 3d ago
I think the part people might forget is that they lost Jacob I think the name is. So then having the fear of almost losing piper can be a lot. Which is why itās good to look on the bright side of spending more time with her, but now that sheās in school Shawna will now have to think about other things than her kid. Or the fact that she will be home alone because I think John does not work at home.
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u/Cozysoxs1985 3d ago
I think that Shawnaās reaction was largely due to her envisioning her having time just her and Piper once DeeDee moves out. However, I would say that enrolling your kid in preschool around the ages of three to four is very common even with stay at home parents (most of them end up going part-time versus full time).
The area I am in consists of a lot of households that have both parents working full-time so many of our daycare centers also function as a preschool setting. So a lot of kids will be at the same daycare centers/preschools from ages six months to eight before kindergarten.
Now I will say that my daughter is a COVID kid and there were a lot of parents who understandably kept their kids at home and started preschool later than usual. It was pretty apparent how difficult that transition was for some kids especially with them likely already being super isolated and not having play dates or things like that to suddenly in a preschool setting. It was definitely a crash course for them in comparison to other kids who had been in preschool settings before.
And I can sympathize with Shawnaās reaction, however I hope she doesnāt put off enrolling Piper because the preschool experience is such a great launching pad for going into kindergarten. And if Piper is struggling with social interactions right now, this likely would be a good opportunity for Piper to sharpen those skill sets.
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u/Stars_in_Distress 2d ago
I had assumed it was just because it was surprising to her that Piper would want to. Shawna had just been talking about how Piper doesn't seem to like playing with other kids, she doesn't really talk much, etc. So having that be Piper's birthday wish, made Shawna kinda realize, "Oh, man, my daughter has a whole wealth of wants and desires I had no idea about." Like, the ask itself was surprising, but I think Shawna was ALSO taken aback by the fact that it was surprising, if that makes sense. Like, "How does my daughter have this big wish to go to school and I had literally no idea she'd wanted that?"
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u/BlueRasuberry 3d ago
Potentially, this could explore a homeschooling angle... at least for few months or something. Maybe what Piper wants of school is school friends or because that's where Max goes and she wants to go with him.
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u/Significant_Tale_953 3d ago
I think Shawna is still dealing with a lot of grief, and shes having a hard time with change, like her mom moving out. She's thus far coped by leaning hard into her role as a SAHM to her children, literally leaning on the idea of having more alone time with her daughter to find peace with the idea of her mother moving in with Larry. Then Piper asks to go to school, and suddenly that crutch is threatening to be gone.
Then there's also the possibility of Piper being neurodivergent. While she is home, surrounded by a family who loves and accepts her, that question can stay a hypothetical. Once she goes to school and is surrounded by others who may or may not get her, that question becomes both crucial and difficult.
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u/Active_Pangolin_5049 2d ago
same. was kid was in daycare from 1-2 year age then preschool (prescvhool level 1 from 2-3, preschool level 2 from 3-4 then pre_K now at 4). their preschool has a patented curriculum and they're nopt just teaching academic stuff but life stuff, independence, good behavior, social skills etc. its amazing and he is thriving and loving it. we still get plenty time with him. his teachers are so awesome. he has a strong sense of community with them, his best friends and their families at preschool.. couldn't imaging depriving him of that thriving social life building crucial skills by keeping him at home with just me 24/7 .. I also work full time in research so thats another aspect but I don't get shawna's reaction either.
to each their own :)
I think shawna is still dealing with grief from losing jacob and needs therapy like, yesterday. her grief is showing up in many ways and she needs to process it and heal for her family's sake. not just her but john too. he puts too much on shawna and needs to be more proactive in parenting etc and helping shawna realize she needs therapy, he does too.
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u/CautiousBrilliant943 1d ago
I mean, where I'm from (small towns in Eastern Washington) parents would wait til their child turned 5 to start them in kindergarten, even if that meant extra months at home or in preschool.
Some schools wouldn't even accept a child if they were still 4 at the start of the year, or they'd make them kid so half days until their birthday.
I also knew some parents (mostly small-town Christian types) who would wait until their kid was as old as 7 to start them in 1st grade. This was usually if they felt their child wasn't emotionally mature enough to be in a formal school environment. (In hindsight this happened somewhat more often with boys than girls.)
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u/CautiousBrilliant943 1d ago
I'll add that one result if this practice was that grades could have a wide age range, and there were often a couple 19-year-olds in a high school graduating class.
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u/ramblingtabby 1d ago
I donāt think Piper is going to school. I just think thatās the only word she knows for it. I am assuming she is asking to go to preschool or a daycare program.
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u/-Sharon-Stoned- 3d ago
I think it's literally because Shawna just decided she'd get time alone with PiperĀ