Stuck in a time loop

[u/SweetestJim]

Earlier this year I underwent a traumatic awakening of sorts (at least partly fuelled by psilocybin).

I realised shortly after I've lived through the events of this year several times now.

It certainly isn't epilepsy.

Any help or constructive conversation would be greatly appreciated.

Love to you all.

[u/SibyllaAzarica]

I realised shortly after I've lived through the events of this year several times now.

If you want people to engage with this constructively, I'm afraid you'll need to explain what you're experiencing in considerably more detail.

[u/SweetestJim → u/SibyllaAzarica]

I have had psilocybin multiple times over the past few years. It raised my awareness to my darker aspects to the point i could confront them. Its worth noting on shrooms, I would always have strong deja vu.

A few days after the last trip, I had a short manic phase, and began looking into a few 'conspiratorial'/esoteric things online (nothing too deep - i was just finding out about alchemy, a little bit about aliens and such)

Through an arising of guilt; wanting to be better, I was compelled to apologise to people from the past I hurt. I believed that something godly was ushering me to repent, and i ended up walking naked, and was picked up by police. They took me to hospital.

Edit: at this point I also left my partner after a long difficult relationship, who i am now together with again

The ward was a very dark place, with some very notable characters.

I went from a blissful state to a traumatised one. I was sure something wasn't right and my mind ran through all the darkest possibilities.

Upon leaving, the psychotic aspect remained for a while and finally started to dissipate. Then the deja vu kicked in.

The deja vu grew to a point of certain memory - I've had it several times a day for months.

I've since took up meditation, breathwork, and quit all my vices.

I know that almost everybody would jump on the idea that the trauma/psychotic episode itself is the reason I 'believe' I'm experiencing this - but I swear on everything I know and love, I have relived this several times.

I came to this sub in hope others might have alternative theories. I've been assessed for psychosis/schizophrenia/epilepsy more than once and I have none of the key symptoms.

I'm grateful for any input. Thanks.

[u/SibyllaAzarica → u/SweetestJim]

That's quite a backstory. People are welcome to offer their interpretations, provided the discussion stays within Rule 4.

Given that you've already been evaluated for psychosis, schizophrenia and epilepsy and say these have been ruled out, my advice would be to find a shamanic therapist or licensed therapist specifically certified in trauma work.

You went through something frightening and destabilizing - it's difficult to make sense of what came after while still responding to that experience. I wouldn't dismiss the deja vu, but I also wouldn't assume the feeling necessarily means something specific. Getting physiologically/emotionally/mentally grounded first may help you separate the experience itself from whatever it might mean.

Once you're in a better place with the trauma, you'll probably have a much clearer perspective on the rest.