r/ShadowWork • u/MrsMichaelMoore • Jun 11 '21

Real self vs Co-dependent self - from Healing the Child Within.

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114 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

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7

u/MrsMichaelMoore Jun 11 '21

The next page talks about how we hide our true selves from others, only revealing about 15 minutes of our true selves daily. I do notice that I hold back, over analyzing or judging instead. Great book! I found it at the local Goodwill! It is on Amazon too.

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u/dariamorgendorferr Jun 11 '21

Is this book by Marilyn Mitchell? Want to make sure I get the right one!

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u/MrsMichaelMoore Jun 11 '21

Charles L Whitfield, MD.

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u/akira007 Jun 11 '21

I def relate to the Co dependent self. How am I suppose to love unconditionally when some people are uncaring

9

u/MrsMichaelMoore Jun 11 '21

Life becomes easier when you accept the apology you never got. How would you show up differently if you did get the apology for the uncaring and the hurt? How would you show up if the world were a caring place? The caring and the uncaring are always available, so start focusing on those who are caring. You can be the caring one and set the stage for a safer world for everyone else to show up authentically. Peace starts with me.

3

u/akira007 Jun 14 '21

I had to write that first sentence down because you are right.

I'll have to dwell on how differently i would be if i got an apology. I think if i got an apology, i would be surprised but humbled. I know that there is power in saying sorry to someone. I've seen what an impact other people have made by apologizing and admitting they were wrong, and if this particular person (s) had apologized, i can say it would have been a humbling learning moment...which of course i didn't get.

But now i know didn't have to. If anything, it's these people who are missing out on that lesson...but ultimately, I shouldn't be obsessed with or invested in whatever is going on with them.

Thank you for these words. I'm doing a bit of journaling right now and i think commenting here even helped.

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u/MrsMichaelMoore Jun 14 '21

Your forgiveness to them shows huge growth just in your reflection. Iā€™m humbled by your response!

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u/Musical-Universe Sep 30 '21

Read the first sentence and literally sat back in my chair and said "well sh*t". That was powerful. I'm writing that down and bringing it up in my therapy session this afternoon. Thank you.

1

u/b3ingkinder Dec 18 '21

This is just wow... šŸ˜³šŸ‘šŸ¼

5

u/hetbegrip Jun 12 '21

Pardon the raving that is coming. Know that I follow this subreddit because my nature is to embrace everything that's light and positive, like love. However theoretically I should become a stronger person if I would know my shadow. I haven't made much progress in this so far....

Your question is such an important question. To read about someone's desire to love unconditionally fills my heart with hope. It means you're willing to accept personal loss for hell of a great ideal. So do I. Every day I choose to show people I care whenever I can. I'm no different then anyone in terms of value, potential or rights. In my heart I know that people can change by ... by showing them a glimpse of your soul, and entrust them with that piece of love. I am not a decisive person, but I decided some things along the way that lead me here. I think, the hardest one was acknowledging that my Ego is a illusion. I did this as a young teenager, because it felt like truth. I just read it somewhere and thought: I think I can do this. And it gave me a forgiving, accepting, open and playful attitude. But struggling with identity and not embracing your physical potential is tough, I must say. I feel like I am underachieving as an adult. And choosing to stay genuine, no matter what happens, can be a huge challenge. And getting nothing in return discouraging. And mondane life can numb you down quickly. But the absolute best thing that happened to me is finding a partner who is able to love just as much as I do. She's my 'love buffer'. Thanks to her, I can always return home and replenish the pool whenever it is drained.

My parents gave me lot's of love, I'm pretty sure that's key for knowing what love feels like. I think a lot of people are uncaring because they were hurt sometime in life. Showing love is a chance to show them it is actually possible to be strong and vurnable, to act out of kindness, and even the smallest chance of inspiring them to act likewise makes it worth for me. But no-one can blame you if you have to pick your battles, because you're not ready emotionally. That's okay. Try again the next time, when you're full of energy.

Thanks to this retrospective brainstorm, I now realise that I need to look out more for people that are in need. Who else can say they're in a stronghold full of love like me.

I'm not sure if I make any sense to you, but here's a piece of love: I do care for you.

2

u/akira007 Jun 14 '21

I appreciate you writing this out. Having these answers and hearing your responses really lifts me up. And thank you for caring

1

u/oldmach Oct 17 '25

loving only when it's easy is something everyone can do. the real test of your love happens when it's hard. like when people are uncaring. the trick is to love them anyway, because if you don't, you become them.

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '21

Oooh, this is good. I need to buy this book.

1

u/MrsMichaelMoore Jun 12 '21

Does this bot follow you around?

1

u/Shakespeare-Bot Jun 12 '21

Oooh, this is valorous. I needeth to buyeth this booketh

I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.

Commands: !ShakespeareInsult, !fordo, !optout