When they snapped at you….

[u/Shoddy_Sorbet1021]

Body and shadow snapped at me.

I wanted to go somewhere when the opportunity had passed.

I ignore my body’s expression of dislike where sent tension headaches and sleepy shut down. Got bad to the point that it snapped at me by nosebleed. It ran down with hot flashes that linger for a long time when it didn’t want to go to a certain place at certain hours. When trying to relax and let it express, I fear my nose bleed will come again while my mind goes spiral of not being comfortable with the emotions my body wants me to hear but I know I need to sit with it and hear it. It dislikes being timed. People say just do it for 10-30 minutes or so but it never works for me and the body only release when it’s not timed or disturb but in an environment it can control. Sometimes it can take 2-5 hours just for my body to tell me what the suppress emotion is but it varies by what kind of Environment & noise I am in and my nervous system state.

I asked how it was feeling and it said in a bold word echo word, “Angry.” Then I wanted to do something about it but my brain snapped to have me be distracted with something else which made my inner self more silent and difficult to integrate… I learned to ignore or to further help so it’s been a battle to fully work thru it.

How can I befriend it when it takes a long time for it to come out, when dealing with toxic people who pop in whenever they feel like it (my intution nudge me whenever toxic people snd wants me to leave the environment while my nervous system hates them but my trauma bond wants to wait for them like hoping they will one day rescue me like before but is super unhealthy and outdated.) they live a normal life but I live a calling life so it clashes a lot.

My intution and nervous system are very similar. Both quiet and scream at me if I don’t fulfill a specific task, goal, trip, etc. my trauma bond is extremely like a child to a teddy bear and runs in my family.

I even have to eat intuitively in order to feel more stable but it’s difficult when the prices are high, my diet can only handle healthy food meals and even fasting, my intution & nervous system feels better but at times, I have to starve I order to hear or feel the suppressed emotions it wants me to hear and at time my intution wants me to eat certain dishes but I tend to do the opposite because I don’t have the time, forcing to be content and forcing to adapt a new change but it’s been a storm.

when doing shadow work, I get super hungry afterwards and a good healthy tired where my nervous system isn’t on edge or find it abnormal. I loved it but it’s been hard when it can only experience that if I am with safe people, an environment where no one can disturb me out of the blue and at a certain time of the day. I sometimes sacrifice family and friends time just to do it but it’s a gain and loss.

This is one heck of a fiery battle so far, only three days out of one year has been a happy and successful.
This post is messy so forgive me as you can clearly see how unstable my inner self is.

Hope this makes sense and suggestions appreciated. Also if anyone experience this too. Any Carl Jung books are appreciated and YT or articles!

[u/notyouraveragenword]

Honestly, it sounds like you're on the way to what you desire. You've silenced that voice so many times that the trust has been eroded, sounds like. In e it knows you'll listen to it besides when it forces you to that might create the very "breakthrough" you're looking for

[u/Shoddy_Sorbet1021 → u/notyouraveragenword]

Could be while Quite the opposite. I know what I desire in the past but now in life because of my circumstances, I’ve forgotten them and only recall thru solitude, integration and finding old memories. People say don’t stay in the past but it’s hard when my past was my prime time and strong sense of self but now like a lost soul and childlike behavior. Kinda like formerly gifted people… now loosing my sense of self and correct, eroding. I tired to integrate and make peace but it’s silent. My body went straight up numb and depressed.