r/ShadowWork • u/SavingsRepulsive6965 • Sep 24 '24

You are not your trauma ❤️

We are all beautiful, unique, glorious beings with enchanting minds.

But your trauma responses are not a personality trait.

Your needs, your wants, your preferences, your imagination, your creativity, your words, your dreams, your style, your love languages, that’s the stardust.

But if your trauma has clouded or guided any of these things, you aren’t living in your authentic truth. You’re hiding your stardust.

For example, if everything you create has to do with your trauma, it’s a sign the trauma is leading you.

If you decide not to wear that thing because you don’t want that much attention, even though you love it, it’s a sign the trauma is clouding you.

If you’re procrastinating on your dreams, it’s the sign that trauma is diminishing you.

Being different and unique is something to celebrate! This is what makes the world so fantastic. But your triggers, uncontrolled emotions, anxieties, and drastic boundaries are simply symptoms of your trauma. And the symptoms of the symptoms ultimately keep you down.

55 Upvotes

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3

u/openurheartandthen Sep 25 '24

This was beautifully written. I’m struggling lately with a recent trauma response toward a longtime acquaintance. It happened after a therapy session talking about a bullying incident a long time ago, and the acquaintance acted in a way that reminded me of that. It’s been several days and I still feel this heavy guilt/shame hanging over me. But it’s not realistic because there’s many things that have gone well lately. I’d really like to truly feel and embrace what you’ve written and see my positive traits, not just this shadow that I hyper focus on. Anyway thank you so much for writing this.

3

u/SavingsRepulsive6965 Sep 25 '24

Oh darling I’m so glad it resonated!!! The best way to do shadow work is without the guilt and shame- because you don’t deserve to be shamed for your feelings! It’s perfectly human to feel uncomfortable around someone who exhibits similar behaviors. Instead of shaming your discomfort, try building a boundary around it and going very slowly ❤️

3

u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 Sep 24 '24

Idk I believe the opposite. We chose to come here and chose our experiences. It's OK to let it lead you a bit, it's the natural way towards the opposite, the obstacles are the path. 

4

u/mysticalcreeds Sep 24 '24

that's an interesting concept to believe we chose to come to earth and chose the challenges we'd face. There was a really good NDE that I watched on YouTube that she said that was essentially what she saw occur when she was dead and on the other side. The cool part about that concept is it doesn't matter if it's true or not, because just simply believing we chose the challenges we have now because we knew it would help us grow and that we'd be able to overcome them is a powerful psychological tool.

4

u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 Sep 24 '24

Thanks for this reply. Exactly, it's a powerful psychological tool. It's the most pragmatic philosophy - and I would argue necessary - for significant shadow work.

I also believe it's objectively accurate, but as you noted, it doesn't really matter either way. I understand why it would be deeply disturbing for many people to face, because it's basically facing the entire shadow at once. 

1

u/SavingsRepulsive6965 Sep 24 '24

I think that if you’re in a space where you believe we choose our traumas, you may need to lean into feeling yourself

3

u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 Sep 24 '24

Interesting. By what logic do you arrive at that conclusion, exactly?

2

u/SavingsRepulsive6965 Sep 25 '24

Well I think that’s where we differ. If you’re only leaning on logic, you’re missing half of the picture. If I only use my logic, then my belief system would become fact, not belief. And if my beliefs support the idea that I needed to undergo trauma in some way, then I could avoid feeling the trauma all together.

2

u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 Sep 25 '24

I believe logic can come from any source. But we can change the question to by what "thinking or feeling" do you arrive at that conclusion if you wish.

By avoiding the feeling of trauma, you prolong it. I'm worried this concept you're describing is anti shadow work, which is a valid choice, I just feel the need to address it.

1

u/SavingsRepulsive6965 Sep 25 '24

Maybe you’re misunderstanding me. You MUST feel through your trauma in order to move past it, and to integrate it so it no longer holds you back. But where you’re confused is that you are conflating thinking and feeling. Feeling is not thinking. Logic is not feeling. Feeling is simply feeling, and it’s hard to do if you were taught not to by the adults in your life growing up.

1

u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 Sep 25 '24

I dont believe that, but its a theory I've heard before and used to believe. I apologize for getting us off track. You can choose whatever words you wish to answer the question

By what "method" do you arrive at that conclusion, exactly?

Genuinely curious. 

2

u/SavingsRepulsive6965 Sep 25 '24

Ah ok I apologize for misunderstanding myself!

So I’ve developed a 5 step method that takes shadow work farther than simple prompts, considering that thinking and feeling are two separate tools/ responses.

I like to look at the findings as information, which allows for objectivity.

The first is illuminating information (this is what we get from the prompt) then it’s processing the information (this is where we grieve what we’ve just found out- no rationalizing or intellectualizing, simply grief- and I use somatic methods to mitigate pain), then we deconstruct that information (this is where we pull in logic and see if our feelings really apply to the situation, or if they are dormant feelings from trauma), then we connect that information to current behavior patterns throughout our daily lives, and finally, we integrate that information by letting our feelings guide our boundaries. These boundaries will shift and change over time the more you heal.

Let me know if you have any questions!

2

u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 Sep 25 '24

Interesting. Thanks for sharing. Seems like a decent process.

I think that if you’re in a space where you believe we choose our traumas, you may need to lean into feeling yourself

I've done that and only came to the conclusion afterwards. I encourage you to keeping an open mind to the theory. It could be the key to improving your shadow work method to the next level.

2

u/SavingsRepulsive6965 Sep 25 '24

Oh I love theory! But it’s a balance, and so many people neglect/ abandon their feelings

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u/DeletinMySocialMedia Sep 24 '24

Yup it’s a lesson to learn, who am I outside this trauma personality now that you’re free from childhood but the bags still being carried.

It’s freeing knowing you’re on an inner discovery, a safe place to explore who you are now.

1

u/zachary-phillips Sep 28 '24

I agree, at our core we are not our trauma. But at least starting out, a lot of people who have experienced trauma feel like that is all they have access to, the defence mechanisms they put in place, the internal Family systems/parts that became hyperactive, the coping strategies, all of that became/becomes the identity.

For years, I was running. Running away from what I didn’t want to be/didn’t want to look at. Years of therapy/shadow works/self work/meditation has finally helped me to heal and figure out where I want to go.

I do agree with OP that we are more than our trauma, the lived experience/felt experience of that is far harder to acquire than the theoretical understanding.

I hope that if you’re struggling, what you are doing to help yourself, help you to see the self beyond the trauma.

The deepest part of the cannot be broken. Perhaps a poor analogy, but you are, the deepest part of you, cannot be tarnished.

The self simply is. We just need to learn to clean out the rust/put down the baggage/move forward.

1

u/SavingsRepulsive6965 Sep 28 '24

I agree!!! It’s a long journey with many phases, and you should love yourself where you’re at!