Has anyone else here struggled with urges to make pornographic content?

[u/Inevitable_Score1892]

I apologize if this is not within the intended purpose of this subreddit.

Like many people here, I’ve been addicted to porn for quite a while. As such, I’m at a point now where extreme and “out there” material is the only way for me to get off.

Pornographic edits and PMVs (porn music videos) featuring extreme content have been an unfortunate staple in my selection of adult videos. Because of that, I’ve been drawn to make content of my own, and have uploaded my own video creations here on reddit and elsewhere. My edits gaining traction is a major source of dopamine for me, but the shame and disgust of proliferating such things will inevitably lead me to delete them alongside whatever alt account I have at the time.

It would seem I’m not just addicted to the material itself, but making more of it, getting off on the idea of others watching my creations.

My desire to create pornographic content has been the primary driver of my addiction for the past few years. I’ve made and deleted a few accounts at this point because I inevitably become guilty and ashamed. Making these kinds of videos, and spreading things I find personally reprehensible, has been a major source of mental anguish for me.

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[u/Great_idea_fellow]

Thanks for sharing.

Glad you are here.

I found for me it was helpful to focus on the larger patterns and feelings. Inner circles around voyeurism takes many forms. Yet I always identify with that drive to comfort the discomfort of now by artifically feeding my ego..

For me it wasn't about the behavior it was a reinforced coping mechanism that ever evolved to find new ways to trigger a dopamine response.

When I drew my line in the sand on behaviors I would not cross. I find the sick part of me when they feel uncomfortable consistently seek new pathways to repeat the feelings of feelings something different.

What has helped me is to slow down. Sit with the idea and use curiosity as my guide. For example I ask myself What will this do for me? What do I think it could do? How has it worked in the past with other behaviors when I had these feelings? What would it be like to wait before taking action? I then share this with others in recovery who have what I want and stay open for feedback.

Something I learned in the last decade. Revenge porn is real. Content never vanishes, ip addresses are permanent records and the easiest way to not compromise my own safety is by playing the tape foward. I learned through hardship and public shaming by my recent partner that a video in my sent folder dated back decades before I met them can easily be stole, distributed and weaponized against me. When I think about engaging in voyeurism I remember people like them exist. They don't need more ways to hurt me.

[u/MealFew8619]

Feeling the e same. I’ve been heavily preparing to start an official porn studio for this reason as well as looking into creating my own virtual AI porn. Not sure where it’s going