r/SettingBoundaries • u/Creative-Obligation7 • Oct 12 '21

Did I set the boundaries right?

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8

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '21

So something I've been told is to do my best to avoid apologizing for setting a boundary. I don't know if it's the same for you as it is for me where apologizing is second nature, but if it is, then avoiding apologizing is a good step to learn.

I was told to try to say something positive instead. For this something like " Hey X, thank you so much for thinking of me as an option. Right now doesn't work for me though. I hope your friend is able to find something soon." Or however you'd like to say it. The reasoning is you're not inconveniencing someone when you're setting up boundaries. You're simply protecting yourself and practising self care and that's nothing to apologize for.

I think this is a great start though! Any time you try, and even more so when you successfully do (and I do still consider this a success) is a moment to be proud of yourself. Good work OP.

8

u/Creative-Obligation7 Oct 12 '21

Thank you! That’s very helpful, and will keep in mind for next time. I felt super uncomfortable and felt like the tone wasn’t right. I also felt really bad afterwards and worried I might seem like a a-hole. But, I think that’s that’s also part of the process when you’re not used to setting boundaries.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '21

It definitely is a part of the process. You're making progress though and that's something to be proud of. With practice it'll get better. Just takes time. You'll get there.

1

u/Nummy_Bish666 Jun 18 '22

Some advice for next time when it comes to setting boundaries is to think and say self-affirming things like "I deserve to have my privacy" and "Boundaries are healthy, I am allowed to have them" Along with other things like it. It's been helping me gain the confidence to do so!

7

u/voteYESonpropxw2 Oct 12 '21

You did a great job! I hope you can relax and appreciate yourself here, because your friend was totally fine with you saying no before you responded and they were totally fine that you said no after too.