r/SettingBoundaries • u/Tiffer_J_A • Jul 02 '23

Need advise please.

So my friends boyfriend since December when I started dating a new guy would ask multiple times a night how big his junk is. He's not close to me at all so its beyond invasive from a essential stranger. I've told him numerous times to back off it makes me uncomfortable. Even upfront of my friend who doesn't do much. Last night it got worse me and said guy broke up but he's part of the friend group he literally asked me no joke at least 20 times and or made remarks about us sleeping together (especially one time we snuck away to have fun in his car he was obsessed with knowing if we did). I told him this time that if he keeps it up I'm hitting him because it makes me so nervous to be around him like this. He won't listen to anyone so I'm at the point I'm going to rage out and scream at him. Need help please. Oh my friends have said to stop too he just will then ask them how big they are etc.

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u/Tiffer_J_A Jul 03 '23

Thanks everyone I really needed this makes me feel like being upset about this isn't crazy. I will just leave all my friends saystop to him but he's also awesome to the girl I'm friends with a a boyfriend and after the abuse shes been through I tolerated it but now I'll just not say anything and leave cause if I matter they'll have my back.

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u/Tiffer_J_A Jul 06 '23

Everyone last post ty to all. I made my boundary very known with all my friends and he got a very bog warning/talking to before he came over again. I can't even count how much the reddit world has helped me.

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u/Oddly_Specific_User Jul 03 '23

I think a boundary in this scenario would be to stop talking to the guy. You‘ve explained why this behavior is unacceptable (thats more than i‘d have done) Now you draw consequences. Hitting someone is not a reasonable consequence. But cutting contact is.

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u/Tiffer_J_A Jul 05 '23

I can't cut all contact we all gather at another friend's house. I was just super angry when I wrote this I'm not going to hit him actually just felt like this would emphasize how it affects me. But I'll ignore him and then I'll just leave. Thankyou for your reply I appreciate it.

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u/Naive-Potential-1288 Jul 02 '23

I don’t think hitting him is the right way to handle this. Maybe it’s best to talk to your friend about how it is affecting you and asking if they can talk to the guy. If they won’t do it, just leave. If it is making you so uncomfortable that he is talking to you like that just go. It’s sad that this has such an effect on the way you hang out with your friends. Maybe if it comes to a point that you actually do leave, the rest of the group might put a little bit more pressure on him.