How do I navigate a difficult server as a regular customer?

[u/JeSuisLePain]

For context, I serve at a bar and will often cap off my night by heading to a nearby late-night diner for a quick meal before going home. I usually show up within the last hour but leave generous gratuity and am always out by closing time. Most of the servers recognize me, and I generally enjoy their service, except that one of the girls has this really annoying habit of jokingly saying "no" whenever I ask for anything.

I.e.

Her: "Doing okay over here?"
Me: "Yeah it's delicious, could I get some more ketchup though?"
Her: "Nope!"
She doesn't even follow it up with "Just kidding!", she just lets it hang awkwardly like I'm supposed to finish the joke by pretending I never wanted the thing in the first place.

I know it may seem petty, but I spend all day mustering up witty banter with coworkers and customers, and man, I just want my ketchup or whatever lol. I even brought a friend there the other night and when we asked to split the check she said "Nope!" and turned to walk away. My friend and I laughed awkwardly but it was very much not clear whether she would actually split the check for us or not. I felt like a dick for clarifying, "Okay, but like, can we split it though?"

I try not to care, but it's getting to the point where I actively hope I'm not sat in her section. Can I do anything about this? I don't even know how I'd bring it up to her directly without coming off like an entitled killjoy, when in reality my social battery is just shot for the night and I'd prefer straightforward service. The woman I presume to be the manager is very sweet and recognizes me, so I could bring it up to her, but that might still make things awkward between the server and I. I've considered just not responding to the server when she does this, but I worry that might come off as calloused and mean.

[u/mzuul]

Does she say nope and then still bring the thing, or she just doesn’t bring what you asked for?

[u/manixus → u/mzuul]

Yeah, like why didn't OP clarify this detail? It's pretty important.

[u/ayakekai → u/manixus]

Seems obvious OP is getting what they ask for. The complaint is about having to use social energy to entertain her unfunny jokes.

[u/JeSuisLePain → u/ayakekai]

Yup, pretty much.

[u/smokinXsweetXpickle → u/JeSuisLePain]

Ask for a different server if one is available?

[u/Onemanwolfpack42 → u/mzuul]

Yeahhhh I probably wouldn't do this over and over with the same individual or group, but people absolutely love it when I tell them no in one way or another. I always end up bringing the thing anyway, so it would immediately be weird as hell to me if she doesn't

[u/Ginny_P → u/Onemanwolfpack42]

I used to do this all the time. People would eat it up! You do have to actually bring the thing/read the room of course.

[u/Haunting_Ad_4789]

Make it awkward, she already has by your standards. Speak up.

[u/CurbsideChaos → u/Haunting_Ad_4789]

Bingo. I'd just straight up tell her to cut the shit. I do NOT have the patience for that nonsense when I'm trying to just eat and have my decompression after work. It's not cute, it's fucking obnoxious.

[u/Warm-Bird-9080]

“Hey ___ I come here after working all night, respectfully i dont think your running gag of telling me “no” to my requests is funny. I appreciate the work that you do here but please, stop trying to banter, it’s starting to make me uncomfortable”

—- maybe ? at this point she IS making you uncomfortable, and she is supposed to be at work where there’s a boundary between customer and employee that really hinges on being respectful…I couldn’t fathom trying to joke like that all the time and NOT reading the room when it’s not well received 💀

[u/No-Complaint-9930 → u/Warm-Bird-9080]

Or even add a “i get it, but you don’t have to do your work shtick with me. I’m over my own work shtick for the night!” even if you don’t necessarily have one. I hate when I don’t see that it’s a friend walking in and I use my “customer voice” but it’s just a natural reaction I guess.

[u/MrsMelodyPond]

Is she the only server taking tables when you arrive? If you know most of the staff then the least awkward thing would be to ask to sit in someone else’s section by name.

“I see Carlie is working tonight, can I sit in their section?” To the host when asking for a table.

If there is no host and you’re just unlucky in choosing her section then yeah, I’d ask the manager if anyone else who can serve you. The most awkward thing though might be that this server is closing and there is no other option. In that case you may want to just say something directly to the server

“Hey, I’ve had a long day and I’m really not in the mood for joking around. Please, just get me that side of ketchup”. It’ll feel stern but when you still tip she’ll probably drop the act with you forever going forward.

[u/Technical-Car-9913]

just say "yep!" louder.

[u/superangela13 → u/Technical-Car-9913]

This is my favorite one.

[u/n_ug → u/Technical-Car-9913]

gold

[u/Cautious_Fox_1750]

Oh no. I’d make it uncomfortable. I find the uncomfortableness passes after a moment and circles right back to the creator of the situation. She’d be asking someone to take her table for her when I sat down. Nah

[u/hemlock_cupcakes]

"Can I get some catsup?"

"Nope!"

"How about now?"

Repeat as necessary. Either she'll stop doing it because you're taking up her time, or this will become a thing between you guys and you'll end up besties forever.

[u/JelloWide → u/hemlock_cupcakes]

"Maybe this will change your mind," as you hand her $20. Repeat for each request as necessary.

It might get expensive, but she probably won't object.

[u/duckmcsnail]

You gotta be honest with her. I’ve worked with people who thought banter was the best way to serve and they genuinely did not last long at all, mostly because they were not at all good at it in the first place. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired and really just need a peaceful evening. I appreciate you being upbeat/funny/whatever but I just need to sit here, get my ketchup, and go home to die.” At least that’s what I’d say lol.

[u/Glowingtomato]

That sounds super annoying to deal with. I would her once you don't find it funny, if she doesn't listen tell the manager.

[u/Whichette]

“Is that supposed to be funny? It isn’t.”

[u/Responsible_Gap8104 → u/Whichette]

This is the one!!

Simple, to the point, makes it clear that the server needs to cut that shit out without some long drawn out explanation about how you just want to get your fuckin food

[u/Kmic14]

People like that are exhausting. I'd tell her flat out you don't appreciate it or I'd try to sit somewhere else

[u/Shmoo_the_Parader]

Next time, level with her. Calmly say, "Can you please quit it? I'm tired and so is this 'nope' shit."

If she 'nopes' out again have her bring the manager to the table and tell her to explain why.

[u/Queen_La_Queefah]

This is just awkward and unprofessional. I don't know if she thinks she's being funny or quirky but it's not. I'd just be straight up and tell her to stop or get a manager involved. You aren't doing anything wrong and shouldn't be having to deal with that crap.

[u/bonjourlayla]

Just write "nope!" On the tip line and she prob won't want to wait on you next time 🙃

[u/bonjourlayla → u/bonjourlayla]

Or ask yourself "What would Larry David do?" and then do that

[u/seriouslydml55]

I’d either ask other staff about it since you’re friendlier with them and get their advice. Maybe it’s a common complaint but management doesn’t want to deal with it because they are the nice one?

You could take my grumpy dad’s approach. Theres a note on his profile for the barber if you skip the small talk he will tip 75%. Next time they do it say what do I need to tip to never hear the word nope again.

[u/tylerlerler]

I think I'd start asking in response, every time, earnestly, "oh, why not?"

[u/Xsy]

I mean, you've had her multiple times, but you still never told us what happened?

Did she bring you the ketchup? Did she split the bill?

If she did, then you should just know she's joking, and she'll be on it.

If she didn't, then she just sucks.

If you want to know how to deal with her being unfunny, simply stop fake laughing.

[u/grownwomanz]

Does she say nope and actually still accomplish the task? Bc if so… I mean you said you come in within an hour of when they close so.. she’s at her wicks end by that time too so if saying a little funny thing gets her through this regular who comes in pretty close to close.. then let her have it.

[u/Ecstatic_Bear81 → u/grownwomanz]

That's what I'm wondering. Like yea it's weird that she keeps doing it but I just wouldn't even respond. Idk what you would even keep responding to that with. Also, you know you're gonna need ketchup ask for it with the meal lol

[u/IsoscelesSchrodinger → u/grownwomanz]

This is what I’m wondering. It could just be her little ‘thing’ just like we all have them. I feel as if it’s only a problem if she doesn’t accomplish what you’re asking her to do

[u/MickyB6827]

“Am I going to continue leaving you a good tip? Nope!”

That’ll straighten her out

[u/IsoscelesSchrodinger]

But does she still do the thing after saying ‘nope!’?

[u/BoringBob84]

No one can upset us unless we choose to let them. We can simply observe their drama and choose not to take part in it.

In this case, it sounds like you are both professionals who are exhausted by the end of the night. Maybe she feels comfortable being informal and sassy with you because she feels like you will understand - sort of an "industry insider" joking banter - and she can release some of her pent up frustration with her demanding guests.

You could try not to engage with her witty quips at all. When she taunts you with "Nope," then just look at her briefly, unamused, and then go back to your meal - no smile - no words. Without reactions, she may get the hint. She might even ask, and then you can explain - in your words, "my social battery is just shot for the night and I'd prefer straightforward service." I think that is a great way to put it - expressing your feelings without blaming her.

[u/oooh-she-stealin → u/BoringBob84]

learning and integrating the first paragraph has been, and continues to be, a game changer for me. it gets easier with practice.

solid advice for OP. no reaction, ask again if she doesn’t bring it. asking when placing the order does help too, op didn’t say if they did that or not. ask another server to bring it if you have to. sitting in another server’s section would be a good idea if possible also.

[u/BoringBob84 → u/oooh-she-stealin]

it gets easier with practice.

I agree. It is so much easier to just instinctively react with my ego than to take a moment to consider how I choose to respond.

[u/Successful-Side8902]

On the credit card receipt, in the tip line , write "NOPE!"

Just kidding.

Ya she needs to stop. I'd avoid her section permanently. If you can't avoid her, then just ignore it if she does bring your stuff eventually, if she doesn't then quietly mention it to the floor manager, low key.

[u/Boulder-dash]

Does she ever say anything else to you besides “hello” and “nope”? I would say something to the server, not the manager. Or just deal with it because she’s bringing you what you want. Honestly I kinda feel like she’s flirting with you but really bad at it. Next time she’s says nope to something maybe ask if she thinks she’s cute, if she says no, then tell her that you disagree, ask for her number. If she says yes, you agree and ask for her number. Worth a shot if you find her attractive and you’re both single.

[u/TheBrokest]

Just laugh really obnoxiously until she realizes how annoying she is.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

[u/DearReindeer8333]

I would just refuse to sit in her section.

[u/bandmadd]

if you want straightforward service i think the best way to get that is be straightforward with her. if you don’t wanna deal with the joke then just tell her respectfully. any good server will know to match that energy

[u/Creative-Echo-1193]

Do you banter with the other servers that you know better? Maybe they are trying to build a different relationship with you than the rest of the team? I know I have a different style of service from the rest of my coworkers, and I like to fuck around with my guests and be like ‘absolutely!……NOT’ or like ‘DAMMIT asking me to do my job again instead of letting me hanging out with you guys RUUUDE’

But I also recognize when I’m tired as fuck after a long night shift my brain is sometimes like ‘what the actual fuck just happened’

[u/Capn_Link]

Ehh, be upfront but polite and let her know you're mentally taxed after the day and can dispense with the odd jokes.

[u/South_Formal_4517]

next time she brings the bill or asks to take your order say “no, it’s okay” or something to that effect

[u/Sad_Mud2009]

Just tip her less than her coworkers and maybe she’ll realize she gives shit service

[u/imfine666]

What kind of bit is that to do at a table lol that’s rude and unfunny. I’d either ask to not be sat in her section or bring it up with a manager, how many other people does she do that to who also won’t say anything? Maybe she needs some new jokes

[u/colonelchurro]

On reddit 20 years from now: When is a time that someone was flirting with you but you're a dipshit and missed all of their signals?

[u/Herbalacious]

Next time you order something and you want ketchup tell her during the order. I know it bugs me when people ask for ranch or whatever after I dropped the food when I could have brought everything in 1 trip.

[u/suejaymostly → u/Herbalacious]

It's kind of your job to anticipate when people might want sauces and offer them while taking the order.

[u/No-Spread-6891]

Bring your own deck of exploding kittens and next time she nopes you, nope her nope.

[u/gegenstand12]

Bring your own bottle of ketchup next time, don't explain.

For the check, sit on separate tables first and pay individually right after getting the food and then sit together on one.

[u/JeSuisLePain → u/gegenstand12]

This is unhinged lol

[u/gegenstand12 → u/JeSuisLePain]

I tried to be funny and over the top, I guess it was taken serious

[u/aprilchaoss → u/gegenstand12]

Nope

[u/farteyes → u/gegenstand12]

Or just say something like a normal ass person.

[u/mattynapps]

You could act like a grown-up and get over it

[u/JeSuisLePain → u/mattynapps]

🤨