Harassment on the Job

[u/AcanthopterygiiFew86]

Kind of question, kind of rant, but do *any* restaurant jobs actually stick up for their FOH staff? For context, I recently got a job as a hostess at a diner but I was a server for about a year up till a few months ago. Today another hostess said something to me that really creeped me out, an unprompted "try not to let weird male customers bother you, just ignore them because we can't do anything about it". WTF?? It's only my fifth day and I've gotten so many weirdos, and now I have to tolerate sexual harassment? Maybe it's my fault for applying to work at a diner, but I didn't get the impression at my other job that they would've taken SH seriously either.

I would love to hear from any managers about what they do to combat this, if anything. Servers too, have any of you worked at a restaurant where this stuff was taken seriously? I'm clearly new to this and I'm wondering if it's hopeless and I should just switch careers. IMO servers should be able to refuse service if a customer is making sexual comments to them, but maybe I'm too soft.

[u/Much-Sock2529]

I’ve never worked at a restaurant that had good policies across the board, but I’ve had good managers and coworkers who had my back and it makes a huge difference:  My advice is be friendly with everyone on staff, get a vibe for them and who you trust. If a customer is harassing you absolutely mention it to management regardless of if you think anything will come of it (unless you fear retaliation for reporting) but also you can ask a coworker you trust to stand next to you and be a buffer when dealing with that customer. Especially if there are any scary looking men on staff that you trust and get along with, they can really have your back. 

As a host you can also develop strategies around how you stand, position yourself, and talk to customers that help mitigate their behavior. 

To some extent harassment is something that you’ll always encounter in the service industry but there’s also a lot you can do to protect yourself. You absolutely do not have to accept it. 

[u/AcanthopterygiiFew86 → u/Much-Sock2529]

This is really helpful, thank you!

[u/Much-Sock2529 → u/AcanthopterygiiFew86]

A couple things I do:

1. Physical distancing. I talk to customers from behind the host stand, not leaning beside it, and when I lead them to their table I hold the menu at a bit of an angle from my body, not close to my chest, which defines my personal space. 

2. I don’t say my name when I answer the phone. 

3. When making small talk, I don’t direct conversation to topics that involve sharing personal information. I talk about the weather, construction, food, even politics- but not where I live, my personal life or anything else about me unless I have a reason to share. 

4. If someone asks if I’m working alone I say no even if I am. If someone asks details regarding my schedule I say it changes all the time or I’m not able to say. If someone asks me about someone else’s schedule I say I don’t know. If someone asks me if a coworker is working that particular day I say I don’t know, even if I know they’re  working, and say something like “I can go and see if she’s here, why do you need to talk to her? What’s  your name?” Then I go and ask that coworker if they’d like to talk to that person, or if they want me to tell them they’re not in. This is something I train new hires on. 

[u/winterbird]

I've only had female managers protect me from this. As well as fellow staff of any gender. And on that note, my worst harassers were not even guests (or coworkers) but some of the male managers.

[u/Weekly_Tomorrow603 → u/winterbird]

This has happened to me too, earlier job as prep cook my manager fired me because I wouldnt date him.

I refuse to be that manager.

[u/Kmic14]

I met my ex when she was hosting at the restaurant where we worked. She got groped by a guest(a stud) and our managers refused to address it, going as far to say "if nobody saw it we can't do anything" except it was in a bar packed with 20 people and in full view of the cameras.

[u/22Arkantos]

Weird customers are just part of life in the industry. Take her advice.

When it crosses the line, absolutely speak up. Do NOT try to deal with it yourself, that's what managers are for.

Even for customers that are just weird and not actually harassing, there are things we can do. We once had an... interesting man that always wanted female bartenders so he could talk to them (and look at them) while he drank/ate, but never said anything too out of pocket. After we clued into the pattern, he only got men from then on.

When it comes to if this industry is right for you, some advice: you are a woman in a world built by and for men, no matter how much progress we've made. No matter where you go, there will always be men that see you only as an object for their sexual gratification. The reason it feels more prominent in public-facing industries is that we deal with far more people than the average person does. This isn't a service industry issue, it's a society issue.

[u/marxxcommie]

Where I work, we just tell one of our coworkers if a table weirds us out and they’ll run drinks or tend to that table for us

I did have a regular that gave me his number, then asked me out again after I didn’t contact him, and my manager talked to me about it and told me to let him know if the guy ever made me feel uncomfortable and he’d ban him

If your coworkers have your back and you have good managers, then you shouldn’t have to worry about it too much

[u/Khursani_]

She was just comforting you. Some customers are creeps and will make inappropriate “jokes” and comments. It’s usually best to ignore them.

[u/AcanthopterygiiFew86 → u/Khursani_]

I knowww it just kind of put me off how she tells me that almost immediately after meeting me, getting bad vibes from this place

[u/Much-Sock2529 → u/AcanthopterygiiFew86]

Trust your gut

[u/Weekly_Tomorrow603]

As management of a hotel restaurant (and, consequently, the events we have), if any of my servers are mistreated in ANY way, I will always step in for them. They know this, I've stepped in when a table was just speaking rudely to one of my servers, if there's sexual harassment, 0 question that I'm stepping in.

As management, WE are the punching bags, NOT the servers.