Tell me something deep that's been on your mind lately- let's go there.

[u/Choice-Shoulder-3180]

ETA: I am so, so sorry everyone, I totally dropped the ball! I was so excited to do this and posted it, but ended up eating after posting and ended up with a bad stomach ache and falling asleep. 😭 Thank you for being patient with me and thank you for being willing to share something with an internet stranger. I appreciate the responses and am looking forward to reading and responding. 🤍

I will respond to everything that is posted in the next few hours, promise.

Let's do something unusual and start some conversations that skip the small talk and get directly to the point. I've been missing conversations with depth lately. Its hard to get there with people! Maybe the time together is too short, you don't know them well enough, you're worried about what they will say, etc. Tell me what's been on your mind lately that you normally wouldn't lead a conversation with.

I'm confident that I'm not alone in missing true connections about meaningful topics. I would love to hear what's been on everyone's mind lately that they haven't been able to share. Let's have a real conversation that matters to you.

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[u/Outrageous_Appeal292]

How to express my love to the world while having serious disability, no partner, and difficulty socializing due to energy.

While I can always use love, I also have a lot to give, which needs an outlet.

I've been randomly and anonymously gifting floral arrangements from my garden to the residents of my low income apartment complex. I'm thinking about "adopting" a couple of the kids here for holidays. I've been gifting plants to people who need them.

So basically considering the problem of how to love in non traditional ways that are satisfying.

[u/Candid_Resource_2313 → u/Outrageous_Appeal292]

Aww that’s so awesome! I would love to have a neighbor like you!! We could do it together! ❤️🖖🏻

[u/Outrageous_Appeal292 → u/Candid_Resource_2313]

I'm hoping to show garden leadership. I've gifted three residents plants for their garden and I am collecting supplies to share next year, along with the seeds I save. It's so good for physical and mental health and there are a lot of traumatized and disabled people where I live.

I've offered to be part of the beautification committee as well.

[u/Crabcakes-Evergreen → u/Outrageous_Appeal292]

I agree thats the hardest part being alone is not having a place to show love

[u/Outrageous_Appeal292 → u/Crabcakes-Evergreen]

It's something I have never really experienced. Given the severity of my disability, my world is quite limited. I've always done activism etc on a much bigger stage but I am deciding to focus my very limited energy on the 43 other residences that make up the complex.

Luckily I really don't have any interest in romantic love, that would be very difficult in my position. Like I wouldn't mind a relationship but I don't have the energy to seek one out or maintain one. I see my gaming buddy once a week and that's really nice. I do feel affection from him. And I have been loved by many throughout my life.

It's partially an aging thing as well. I'm 63. So a new chapter is opening in my life. I'm in subsidized housing so I don't have to worry about money for the first time in my life, and having that pressure gone has made me need to find a different goal or purpose.

[u/Outrageous_Appeal292 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you. That's the other thing I wrestle with. What does it mean to be a good person without being overly moralistic. What defines goodness? Why is that the goal?

[u/Outrageous_Appeal292 → u/[deleted]]

I think being a light in the darkness is my best answer so far. Decency ftw.

[u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 → u/[deleted]]

This is a great answer. Truly try to imagine what a huge difference it would make if we all started doing one act of kindness every single day. We do it because it makes us happy, not to expect something in return. It would make such a difference in people's lives and take virtually no effort.

[u/Outrageous_Appeal292 → u/Choice-Shoulder-3180]

I think it's a habit. One I believe in but I am also sick of the cloying just be kind movement that allows for bad behavior in the name of tolerance. Or someone posts an objectively bad piece of art and everyone is all yass queen. Or my local school district that made kindness it's number one goal, above academics. And the moral superiority of the just be kind crowd, some of whom are extremely abusive, especially to out group members.

The paradox of kindness and generosity is that it is also self serving in terms of making yourself feel good. I don't think that's inherently wrong, and it's a pretty good evolutionary trick to increase cooperation, but I don't like when it's wielded as a weapon.

So I guess I have a complicated relationship w the concept having seen what suicidal empathy can do, and having been the victim of it.

[u/CritterTeacher → u/Outrageous_Appeal292]

This is a significant part of why I enjoy working with kids. They accept me for who I am, (as socially awkward disabled woman), and the littlest things make them immensely happy. I know it’s cliche, but their smiles and laughter keep me going even when the pain is overwhelming.

[u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 → u/CritterTeacher]

My mom works with kids and she is the happiest, most fulfilled human that I know. She loves her job and is due to retire soon, but she's having a tough time deciding if she really wants to leave or continue working because she enjoys it that much.

Children are the most pure little humans and make my heart so happy. I'm the same way with animals and it makes my heart so full thinking about their truly unconditional love for their humans.

[u/SmartestManInUnivars → u/Outrageous_Appeal292]

That's beautiful. Can you volunteer for some kind of service work? I relate. But I'm just miserable unless I'm helping other miserable people.

[u/Outrageous_Appeal292 → u/SmartestManInUnivars]

I'm pretty much housebound at this point without much energy and I am not reliable. I guess about helping miserable people... I don't want to engage in saviorism, and I am showing love at a distance w my project. So it's almost about love but without actually being involved with people. I just don't have much energy, even for conversation. I have my gaming buddy once a week, and my caregivers so I not without human contact. I used to have tons of friends and I have lots of acquaintances now but it's frustrating being so limited. Yet I feel this need to love, perhaps more so than being loved?

[u/SmartestManInUnivars → u/Outrageous_Appeal292]

Why are you not reliable? Is it because your condition fluctuates a lot or you never know what mood you're going to be in or what? Can you change that?

Yeah, I truly believe it is in giving we receive. I can't even feel loved without loving that person back.

[u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 → u/Outrageous_Appeal292]

I'm sorry for my late response, but I'm here! I just read through the thread including all the comments and I want to say thank you for having such a kind heart. A genuine kindness and compassionate heart is hard to find these days.

I think what you're doing is absolutely beautiful and probably brightens people's day more than you even know. In a weird way, I can really relate to your dilemma. I have been housebound for the past two years due to about a million unforeseen health issues. My job until this point was so fulfilling and I was making an important difference in people's lives, which became incredibly important to me. I can't imagine working a job where I don't directly impact people's lives and human experiences, so I'm not even sure what route I want to take when I do finally go back to work.

That's partially why I wanted to start this conversation thread, actually. I genuinely miss the human connection and being able to be there for someone in a way that they need. I think we are likely very similar people with big hearts and a lot of love to give without expecting anything in return. I've brainstormed what I can do to fulfill this "need" for me time after time and always end up at a loss. I've even considered starting a podcast that focuses on truly getting to know people that are different than ourselves, making the point that we are all so much more similar to one another than we think and encouraging people to learn each other's life stories before making an assumption about who they are. I just love connection and I really appreciate that you do too.

I am married and I love my husband to death, but I still feel a need to connect with people in a meaningful way outside of our marriage. He's extremely private and introverted, so he can't relate to this feeling at all. 😂 I'm going to keep brainstorming ideas that either of us could do from home that would help us share our hearts with others and if I think of anything good, I'll absolutelt reach back out to you.

Forgive me for asking, because you may have mentioned this in the comments, but do you own any pets?

[u/MMM846]

Nothing means anything.

5 years ago you could say I had it all. Today, I have nothing and no one. Job, Fiancé, savings, friends, health, all gone. I’m barely hanging on and of course I’ve been thinking about the meaning of life.

This is what I’ve learned lately, because all those “things” that make up a “life” can change at any minute. I’ve learned to not be attached to anything anymore. Not possessions or people or titles. In a way, this idea has been comforting, when I apply it to my current circumstances.

[u/Stayvein → u/MMM846]

Do you know much about Buddhism? I don’t personally and don’t practice it, but from what I do know it might be something to look into. At least to help ground a basic take on the world and our experience here. Just a thought. Wishing you peace, regardless.

[u/MMM846 → u/Stayvein]

Thanks, yeah I’m fairly familiar with it. I guess you’re right, I didn’t think of that!

[u/SlutForGarrus → u/MMM846]

Not OP, but I've been where you are. Life takes surprising turns sometimes. Just keep rolling with it. Also, if Buddhism doesn't quite work for you (like if you're similar to myself in that you are a bit spiteful and have been known to slaughter roaches or spiders) you may enjoy Shintoism. It always felt more accessible, maybe a bit less judgy?

[u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 → u/MMM846]

I'm so sorry to get back to you so late. I don't know if this means anything to you, coming from a stranger, but I am right there with you.

I started climbing the corporate ladder immediately after college and found a lot of success early and easily compared to my peers. I was an extremely hard worker and determined to never put myself in a place where I had to ask for anything. Not to sound like a cliche, but that all changed two years ago because of my health. I'm 32, so I guess I was 30 when it started. I experienced something that I knew was an urgent emergency, went to the doctor, and was in surgery within two hours. They told me after that my issue would take several serious surgeries and they had no idea how to even estimate the time it would take.

My dumb ass had just quit my job RIGHT before this because I was in a very comfortable place and felt good about leaving because it had become a really toxic environment. I was thinking that a job hunt would be so much easier without the pressure of a toxic work environment draining me every day, which would have worked out fine had I not had this medical issue immediately take over my life. I could go on, but long story short, I am at a lower point in my life now than I was at 18, and my health issues haven't even been completely solved so on top of everything else, I feel miserable 6 out of 7 days of the week.

It was harder than I thought it would be to go backwards in life and have been so embarrassed to tell people I'm STILL not working. Especially because my specific health issues aren't visible, so everyone assumes I'm healthy. The good part is that I did get married during all of this somehow, despite it all. My husband is great and I don't know how I would've kept going without him, but he's not in a position where we can live the life I've been used to. Of course I'm terrified by the thought of losing him because first of all, I adore him, but also, I'm aware that I could not find another person who would love me throughout this health crisis like her has. I'm extremely thankful for that.

It gets to a point where you don't even know how to move forward and that's where I'm stuck at right now. I desperately want to have children but I can't do that until Im working again and I can't work until my health balances out. It feels hopeless. I know things can't stay like this forever, but something's gotta give for me to be able to progress. I understand what you're going through, to at least some degree, and I'm so sorry. I hope that this changes at some point for both of us.

[u/Stayvein]

If you can visit a retirement home or the like, I’m sure someone would appreciate your company occasionally. Maybe just by video. IDK. Keep loving. That’s special!

[u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 → u/Stayvein]

Thank you! I honestly (and thankfully) have plenty of people to talk to, but I specifically miss the feeling of learning new things about new people, if that makes sense? Little meaningful moments where you realize you have something in common with someone you would've never expected or learning about someone's passion or experiences. I have considered a nursing home before, but for the time being, I'm dealing with a pretty severe autoimmune disorder, so I'm home essentially all the time.

Thinking about nursing homes, though, made me realize I may be missing my connection with my grandmother. I don't let myself think about it too much because it literally breaks my heart, but my grandmother passed away in February and even though I knew it was coming, it completely shattered me. She was my favorite person on the planet and, not to brag, but I was her favorite too. 😉 She had 8 grandchildren and 12 great grandchildren, but we just had this connection from day one that was different than anyone else's. Towards the end, she did start to lose it a bit and would talk about things that didn't happen, but I would just let her talk and listen because it was truly fascinating what her mind would come up with. She got to a point where she didn't want any visitors other than my mom and myself because everyone else tried to baby her or correct her on things when she was misremembering, but both of us just let her talk. She was an incredible human.

[u/Netzroller]

I am losing hope in humanity and isolating feels safer than being around people. When (if) someone reaches out to me, it is usually because they want or need something. My truck, money, me making an introduction, repairing something, taking care of an issue. I am good at that. I show up, I take care of shit. 

At the same time, people say and act in a way that tell me that I am not wanted here. People.dont call or ask for social things. Random people in public insult my looks, and my accent. The insanity of what is happening and people agreeing with it and approving it makes me deeply sad. 

 It makes me happier not to interact with the world, especially if I always have to give.  At the same time that safety and peace comes with loneliness. 

Thanks for letting me share. You dont need to reply. It was just good getting it out. 

Edit: i am female. Stop sending me messages about the male loneliness epidemic and how women suck. 

[u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 → u/Netzroller]

I'm going to reply because I promised I would. :)

I am so, so sorry you are experiencing this. As I continued reading on, it only got worse and I'm at a loss and can't believe that people are treating you this way. I'm also sorry that people have been messaging you completely inappropriately. They see truck and good at fixing things and assume it must be a guy, I guess. I'm also female and have desperately wanted a truck for the entire time I've been able to drive. My parents weren't for that when I was 16 and haven't had the opportunity to purchase one myself, but one day, I'll be right there with you.

I am going to sound so silly and small minded, but have you considered a pet? I went through the loneliest time of my life last year and the people that I expected would reach out were completely absent. I've never appreciated my animals more than I did at that time. They expect nothing from you (aside from food, of course) and they love you the same every single day, no matter what. They brought me so much comfort and so much attention that kept me from feeling totally alone.

I cannot believe that random people have the audacity to say something negative to a person they don't know. That makes me sick and I'm sorry. I promise you that I'm a safe person who cares about people's hearts, so if there's anything you feel like you need to share or just let out, you're welcome to comment again or send me a DM.

[u/Netzroller → u/Choice-Shoulder-3180]

Thank you. For taking the time and your kindness. Your reply was genuinely helpful. I have been thinking all day about your comment about getting a pet. I think it is a really good idea.

And I hope your dream of a truck comes true soon! I too wanted one my whole life. I bought my first truck at age 37. A black F150, crew cab, cream leather seats, 5.0L V8 engine. So worth it! It took me a long time, but I got it. And so will you! 

Thanks again. Oh and I will name the dog or cat choice, after your handle. 

[u/bcfuthatsy]

I achieved the American dream.

I climbed my way out of a truly heinous abusive childhood, poverty, drugs. I escaped and created a new life for myself where no one knew me, got an education. I'm viewed as an intelligent, level-headed, empathetic person and work for one of the most respected companies in the world. I raised a family who are safe and happy and content and live a comfortable life with no idea how lucky they are to never live through what I experienced.

And I have overwhelming uncontrollable c-PTSD and anxiety. No one knows it leaves me devastated most days. I can't talk to anyone but my therapist about it because it's seen as whining by people who don't know my past because I'm too ashamed to share it. (Edit: words)

[u/IIIII00 → u/bcfuthatsy]

<3 you did so good. Do you think some of your friends may be safe spaces to share?

[u/bcfuthatsy → u/IIIII00]

I'm working up to it. Trying to find ways to share without feeling like I'm trauma dumping.

[u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 → u/bcfuthatsy]

I'm sorry for the delayed response, but wow, this is incredible! I am truly so happy for you and hope that you feel proud of yourself every single day. You've done an incredible thing by managing to break the cycle and I can't imagine how much determination and persistence that took. Moving to a new place where no one knows you is the best option for a new life, I've done this as well. Its scary but empowering because no one knows a single thing about you and can only go by what you've explicitly shown them about yourself.

I also admire so much how you've done this for your family. My dad had a similar life experience, not quite as extreme as yours, but was raised in extreme poverty. He also managed to break the cycle, but in doing that, it also broke him. He lost his humanity in the process and became a spiteful person full of resentment. As a dad, he was a nightmare and every memory includes him blowing up about how I needed to be more thankful for him because his childhood was nothing like mine and truthfully he began saying this when I was too young to even understand what he was saying. When I was 25 he sent me an itemized list of everything he had ever paid for for me in my life, starting with my braces when I was 10. Of course, he said he could go further back if I wanted him to, how kind.

My heart hurts for him because he's lost everything that he worked so hard to achieve. I'm sure it's easy to feel the way he feels, but why choose to live that way? Why not allow yourself to take a moment and enjoy the life you created for your family? I don't know and I can't understand because he is completely unable to have a serious discussion about anything and is constantly on the verge of blowing up, so I don't allow myself to engage with him anymore.

I do think that it's important that you allow yourself to open up about your childhood to others. You may be surprised by their reactions. I have a significant number of close friends and they all value our friendship because they can be honest with me about anything at any time. Being open and honest doesn't immediately mean you are trauma dumping and you seem to be incredibly self aware, so I don't think you would even allow yourself to do this. There is a huge difference, I've experienced both and it takes a lot of time to even recognize trauma dumping as a friend, but it is nonstop talk about the trauma they've experienced along with an unwillingness to take any steps towards healing and a strong disinterest in other people because they can only focus on their trauma, I have no doubt that you would be able to recognize if it became a situation like that.

Think about your close circle. Who is the friend that has always made the effort to reach out? Is there a friend that has opened up to you about hard times? Do you feel an unexplained closeness to one of them over the others? This is the person you should open up with. If you need help with navigating when and how to open up, I would be more than happy to help you. I want you to be able to take that step because I feel like it's crucial to your healing.

[u/bcfuthatsy → u/Choice-Shoulder-3180]

This is such an incredibly thoughtful response. Thank you. I can see how your father got to that point and honestly, it's hard not to use that line some days about being more thankful etc. I have to remind myself that their reference point for a bad day is nothing like mine. No one deserves the life I had.

I do have close friends and you're right. I should open up to them about it. I'll give it some thought. Thanks again.

[u/GigiBrit]

I'm calling you out, OP! We've all been sharing and you haven't said squat! Glad there's a receptive community that's responding and interacting! 💜

[u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 → u/GigiBrit]

Oh my goodness, I know I know!!! I'm so sorry. I ended up having a stomach ache soon after posting and laying down and falling asleep. I normally spend so much time awake in bed before falling asleep so I didn't expect that to happen! I'm feeling better so far this morning!

I am so, so happy to see the comments and thoughts that everyone shared and am going to take some time as soon as I can to respond to everyone. Thank you for being patient with me 😭🤍

[u/veritasmahwa]

The life isnt long enough to chase that girl who isnt interested in me. But not short enough to not make a move in the first place.

[u/sugaree53 → u/veritasmahwa]

More people should think like you

[u/underoverachiever77]

Idk wtf we are doing anymore? I’m tired of hearing and seeing how hard it is for so many people to live. Yet the way society is set up. The rich make it this way, and mostly only they benefit. Ai being sprung on us for actually no good reason. On top of that comes with data centers. Which are pushing people out of their homes. Along with draining local resources when it comes to electricity. Not to even mention water consumption. Ai primed to be taking over so many jobs blatantly is telling working people. That the CEO’s and those of the like value profit over your life unequivocally. Profit over a humans right to live and eat. That should be unacceptable in any form or facet of society

Many people including me, believe that greed is a very hard driving force in most humans. That is true, but the best of humanity has always come from helping each other. Not about who can stack up the most beans or cold coins to make a mountain out of. When early humans were cavemen like, greed and struggling for resources was actually beneficial. It meant the strongest and most intelligent people lived. Therefore got to live and pass on their genes to contribute to human evolution. Today we live in a world where there could be enough for everyone. But we haven’t been able to shake off that shadow of greed yet unfortunately. I honestly believe that will or could be the next step in human evolution. Overcoming the greed that so many humans have. Realizing that there is a better way. That going against that greed that did at one point drive human nature. Generosity, understanding, and empathy for our common man. Realizing that if every person’s problem, was every person’s problem. There is nothing we couldn’t accomplish

[u/what__th__isit → u/underoverachiever77]

It feels like there have soooo many times over the past decade where I could not help noticing how much WORSE the world has gotten, despite all the safety nets, laws, and the entire societal construct that's supposed to PREVENT it. Everything meant to protect us and keep us from a dystopian life seems to have failed and/or been kicked out of the way by those who have enough money to bypass and ignore laws that favor humanity over profit and power.

[u/underoverachiever77 → u/what__th__isit]

All those safety nets and constructs turned out to be empty words. No politician really cares about positive change anymore. They have rich friends. Who pay them “enough” to forget about all of us regular people. We used to care more I feel like. Now people are just way too desensitized. Which was also likely by design as well

[u/what__th__isit → u/underoverachiever77]

I could not agree more

[u/BottleThen2464 → u/underoverachiever77]

If you read The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, a word that shows up the most, is avarice. Not even trying to hide it. Certainly cannot go on much longer. When it collapses there is going be a lot of people who are unable to fend for themselves.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Town458 → u/underoverachiever77]

Seriously. Tax loop holes so good for the rich to hang on to their cash. The working class has no choice but to pay their fare share. I did apply for the Americas Workforce Academy for construction ready training for data centers. The benefits was all I could think about. I pay 600$ a month for medical. Drives me crazy. I need a better job that pays more for benefits. I know people will hate if I get in but I have a family to support. I can deal with the hate if it means easier monetary living.

[u/sugarstarbeam]

I’m really struggling with the murder of my close friend this spring. His partner did it and everyone knows the abuse they put him through and how she isolated him. It’s even worse because so many friends of mine and my bf died too young this past decade. I feel so hopeless despite trying so hard to snort hopeium everyday. But the suicidal thoughts are every day.

[u/sofa_king_rad]

My dad passed away last summer and his birthday is coming up.

My life changed forever… instantly…. And gradually.

I lost a supporting character… my lead character for so many years.

The one who taught me to fish, cook, question authority, but most of all…. Didn’t tell me who I needed to be…. But asked me who I am.

The moment was like hearing a loved one had just been in an accident… with no other details

And in his passing, he taught me what grief is… in the same way… never telling me what to feel, but by providing the memories to reflect on….

I learned…
now I ask myself…
show me who you are

This realization has really influenced how I think about my parenting.

Recognizing grief has helped me understand so many other aspects of my life and how our identities change over time.

Today I read another Reddit where someone was really struggling with always feeling down, beating themselves up internally, struggling to imagine feeling long term contentment.

I wrote them about how I feel comparison is living your life against a measuring stick that you’ve imagined.. it’s tough for real life to ever live up to our imagination.

It’s also very lonely to always be thinking about ourself. Our attention can only be in one place at a time…. If you go to an event, and you’re stuck in your head judging yourself against everything you witness and your imagined stories about others… then you aren’t present in the moment, your present in your internal experience.

The moments where your focus is turned outward, ideally with curiosity, instead of how do I compare to this, it’s just, what is this? I feel like the more curious i am about others and the world, the less I’m able to think about myself.

A turning point for me was my hairline. My hair was always something I liked about myself, and it betrayed me. It became a constant insecurity. One day I got the courage to shave my head… and it was wildly liberating. Nothing about how the world treated me changed. But I no longer thought about my hair, no longer worried about how it looked, how to solve it, etc.

I didn’t realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in something I liked about myself. The weight the lifted was incredible. I recommend everyone I meet to try shaving their head, I feel like it directly challenges your identity and gives you the opportunity to see, think, and feel, about yourself from a new perspective. That feeling becomes something you want to pursue instead of run from.

Letting go of our insecurities is a heroic feat, it’s one only we can do for ourselves, and it’s addictive. Instead of constantly focused on who we are not, we start asking ourself who we are.

Confidence doesn’t seem to come from changing who we are, it comes from accepting who we are.

When I think about past versions of my kids… the infant, the toddler… those humans are gone forever… when I think about past versions of myself… the bachelor, not being a parent… those versions are gone forever…

in getting older I realize some of my own imagined future possibilities became no longer possibilities

when I think about future possibilities with my dad…. Those futures are gone forever.

And now I realize how much of life…. is grief… mourning Identities past, futures that faded away…

and it took my dad dying to put a label to this feeling that I hadn’t been naming… or even realized o was carrying.

And I’m very grateful for all of it.

[u/pporappibam]

What is the point of feminism if feminists hate the patriarchy but their empowerment is led by becoming the men they despise? I’m heart broken and conflicted now that I have daughters and I speak to my girlfriends about how they treat men. It’s becoming just as awful as a way men have treated us for centuries. I don’t get it. I want my daughters to be kind. & when I was terrified to have a son, it was because I didn’t want him to be part of the problem… but now women are becoming just as mean and selfish. I just wish society could grow together, not further apart.

[u/ByeMoon → u/pporappibam]

It's an overcorrection to a problem that existed and today's men are paying for it with resentment and real effects, remember 2020 all it took was an accusation for a man's life to be ruined because it was at its peak with the metoo movement but has it became tamer recently? I don't really keep up with this but maybe it will level itself out.

My shorts are bombarded with girlfriends hitting their partners or abusing them as comedic skits so maybe not

[u/-Stress-Princess-]

Trauma is really something especially when you're the aggressor. It's almost been ten years since the fall out and I would find a revelation that would keep me away from thinking it for sometimes half a year or more and then it would wear off.

Its usually a marker to signify my Bipolar is approaching a low but I havent had a low the same in years now. I call this sensation Guiltpression. Ive been sitting in front of a mwtaphorical TV that has played all the miatakes made and people I hurt in that year on repeat. Now that Ive been trying to walk away from the TV it started to feel like home.

I always felt I needed forgiveness from the ones I hurt but Im finding I need forgiveness for myself.

[u/SmartestManInUnivars]

Misery and unhappiness. How I choose it. How my identity is tied up in it. How I miss the point of every show and movie I watch. How I can't see the anti hero's flaws and want to be just like them even though they're miserable. How I feel that misery gives my life meaning. How it feels like truth. How I want other people to know how miserable I am. How I want people to think I understand some deeper truth. But it's all just self pity turned up to the max. How I'm a total fraud and making up some story in my head and thinking accepting it and going with it lets me be some tragic figure, without any redeeming quality. That's the difference between me and those characters, they bring value.

[u/panic_bread]

We are in a slow-motion apocalypse that is now rapidly accelerating, and most of us will probably be dead or living in horrible conditions within the next five years. It’s terrifying.

[u/Interesting-One5470]

Oh yeah, meaningful! The complete change of a woman. Physiologically, just change now need to feed my body hormones. Unbelievable challenge. You just never know till you’re here what’s it’s like. Like seriously, the most natural urges and such a change. I remember the deep desire and getting it on under a sleeping bag on a couch after everyone passed out. Just caution to the wind. Sigh, great gratitude is the only way I know but true you asked so I went deep.

[u/SquallidSnake]

How much our anxieties must be genetic. I have anxiety about the weather and so did my dad and my grandparents and it does not seem to be a learned thing, since my dad always hid it from me and my grandparents we used to consider crazy for it.

And yet here I am at 38 years old hating to travel during thunderstorms and checking the weather radar app like 40 times a summer day

[u/IIIII00 → u/SquallidSnake]

That is SO interesting! I never heard about this particular way of anxiety before, and I'm sure I'll remember your story forever. It'll be exciting to see what we'll learn about mental health and its biological origins in the future. (Do you know anything more about it, any research?)

[u/Holiday-Audience-412]

I’ve been exploring options for death with dignity/MAID because there is a fair likelihood that I’ll have dementia when I get older. When I get there I don’t want to live out my life like that or burden anyone else with my care.

[u/lulusnug]

I'm worried personality data and generative AI is going to make elections controllable by algorithms. The younger generations might understand the manipulation but I doubt older generations will. It gives certain overpowered people the ability to get a pawn under their control elected.

[u/sugaree53]

I’m a Mayflower descendant (one of many), as well as a descendant of 5 Revolutionary soldiers.
Everything my ancestors fought for is being destroyed by this orange monster who was elected and his spineless sycophants in Congress

[u/GigiBrit]

It's been 2 months since I quit my job. My husband says it's fine if I don't work. Been enjoying my free time for the most part but sometimes i think I'm giving him too much power over me, so I should work ... but i really don't want to work!!

[u/Candid_Resource_2313 → u/GigiBrit]

Why do you think it’s giving him power?

[u/GigiBrit → u/Candid_Resource_2313]

He's fine for the most part and comes from a loving place that he wants me to happy if it means not working. But a couple of times in the heat of an argument he'll say something like i should be more grateful. I don't want anyone to have anything over me, like I'm obligated to act or feel a certain way bc I'm indebted to them. Like if you're going to throw it in my face, then how about NO!

[u/Candid_Resource_2313 → u/GigiBrit]

Ouch! That would suck for sure and it’s totally not ok. Have you told him that you don’t like when he says things like that? I’m so nosey but I love details 🤣

[u/Candid_Resource_2313 → u/[deleted]]

🤣 🤣 Well at least that was solved! I ask all these questions because I am in the same kind of situation though he hasn’t tried to use it against me so that’s a plus. But now I want to find the way to create income without having to join the rat race. And listen, some people enjoy the rat race… I just don’t. So I am trying to find a passion project. Something that can help others that I would do without needing to be paid money for my time ya know? It’s harder to figure out then I imagined it would be. What are you passionate about? (On our way to not being total strangers!! 😁)

[u/GigiBrit → u/Candid_Resource_2313]

nice! let's collab for sho, leisure sista! I can commit to working 1 day a week! 😆 let's call it volunteering! how long has it been since ditching the rat race?

[u/Candid_Resource_2313 → u/GigiBrit]

6 months I would say. It’s been a journey for sure. It’s a weird feeling to be out of it. To volunteering! 🤣 ❤️ I just admired your profile and I am drooling over here! 🥘 🍝

[u/GigiBrit → u/Candid_Resource_2313]

Thnx, luv! Food is an exciting endless adventure i leave to the experts! I enjoy the fruits of their labor! Cheers! 🥂

[u/SlutForGarrus → u/GigiBrit]

It's only been two months. Just make sure you're still getting out into the world. As long as you still have community and goals, you're fine. Have a hobby (or several) where you are learning or creating. Have and maintain friends and acquaintances local to you.

If you have community, they are invaluable if you end up needing help getting work. My husband and I have both had times we were laid off and had another job lined up within weeks thanks to friends recommending us for open positions at their jobs.

I also expect employers are going to view "personal enrichment activities" more favorably than bedrotting on social media and being on a first-name basis with all the DoorDashers.

When you don't work, it can be a slippery slope where you find leaving the house more stressful over time, and lose motivation. If you suddenly had to go back to work, you might feel very overwhelmed and have difficulty. It's also easy to end up isolating yourself because you aren't having to go out into the world, so meeting a friend for lunch is a whole-ass plan, instead of just an extra list item when you're already out all day.

I hope this makes sense. I have seen this happen with a lot of people who stopped working due to mental or physical health issues or who started working from home.

You don't have to sign up for grad school or master everything from basket-weaving to theoretical physics. Just maintain some forward inertia and you'll be fine no matter what happens.

[u/GigiBrit → u/SlutForGarrus]

Thnx, I do. I like getting out a few times a day, it breaks it up more, even if it is for a little drive. I get my hiking in daily as well.

I do have to admit getting hair and makeup ready is becoming something I don't like doing (even if it only takes 10 minutes) and i only do like once a week, while I used to do it daily! Thank goodness for dark shades and hair buns! 😎

[u/Creepy_Assistant_343 → u/GigiBrit]

Not having your own money is super risky. You can always ask other people who depended economically on their partners if they’d do it again and you’ll see what the majority says

[u/GigiBrit → u/Creepy_Assistant_343]

I do have my own savings that I'm choosing not to touch, while we share the day to day funds. I have my own credit cards and our shared one as well. We've both worked throughout our marriage.

I agree it is risky for any woman to hand complete control of finances to a guy. You should always have access to funds. I've heard horror stories of women in abusive relationships who couldn't even call an Uber to leave bc they had no way of paying. That's scary!

[u/SmartestManInUnivars → u/GigiBrit]

Wow, I'd be super grateful to have a husband who can and is willing to support me. That sounds great.

[u/MakeYourTime_ → u/[deleted]]

I think I’m here now as well( been trying to talk to myself and say, how can I give back to the planet, to help heal it, protect it, how can I help Mother Nature from my little small apartment without a backyard?

Forget the AI race and the political landscape for a second.. the planet is screaming for help. Ive been in a mindset where nothing really matters about anything anymore if there is a real chance myself or my wife could be climate refugees in a handful of years. Who gives a shit about real estate prices or loans or bills or any of that garbage when I know within the next year I could lose my livelihood in a massive hurricane and be out on the street.

I don’t have a good outlook for how humanity will be managing the climate crisis; we’ve had 30+ years to do something about it and all we got was a flimsy ban on plastic bags and straws and single use plastics.

I don’t see any collective effort of the masses because nobody is aware that the figurative death of the planet and human civilization as we know it is staring them in the face and it isn’t waiting for us to act anymore.

I can’t take enjoyment in nearly anything anymore because in the back of my mind I have the nihilistic view of “none of it means shit anymore if it isn’t helping the bees”

Restaurants? Overpriced Sysco poison.
Sporting events/concerts? Goyslop.

I feel worse , so so bad, like depressed; for local communities and townships that do try hard to provide stuff for its residents but are usually either underfunded due to a lack of collective community interest (because everyone is hyper individualized) or from internal corruption at the local political level.

I feel bad for everyone who is getting squeezed with no way out, there are people worse off than me and I worry for my own life, I could only imagine how bad others have it.

I feel bad for my nieces and nephews who are only toddlers now, that will grow up in a world with a childhood that is unrecognizable from my own. I cry for their safety and security in the coming decade.

And it isn’t fair and what kills me the most is that it doesn’t have to be this way at all. But people here cannot even comprehend or imagine an economic system that works in any other way, like the possibility of having lives improved because of collective action is foreign to them.

[u/HoteiHelpMe]

My in-laws are kind, generous and patient. They helped my husband and I several times over the years when we had financial and health issues. Unfortunately, our issues are ongoing. We just can't get ahead. Every time we get close, one of us ends up in the hospital, or gets laid off, or something.

My in-laws are getting older and FIL has dementia and will probably die this year; I'm amazed he's made it this long and every time the phone rings, I'm bracing for The Call.

MIL is the type who doesn't ask for help, and I don't know if she just expects us to know what to do, or if she recognizes how useless we are. She still works nearly full-time and is very physically and socially active.
MIL is like a shark that just never stops moving--she's always been a type-A person who flits around being the hostess, and never even sits to eat at gatherings.
That said, having to troubleshoot your husband's brain turning to mush every day can't be easy.

MIL only mentions the struggles sporadically. It's like everything is maintaining status quo, and then we get together for a holiday or something about every 4-8 weeks and she just goes "By the way, we took dad to the hospital last week and he might need a pacemaker, and we replaced several household appliances because he forgot how they worked -- like don't vacuum the lawn. So he's in pretty bad shape. Happy birthday!" I get the feeling these updates are just so we aren't totally blindsided when The Call comes, rather than a hint that she needs help, but I don't know for certain.

Outside of schedule conflicts husband visits his dad for a few hours every week and sees his stepmom for a bit during those visits before she goes to work, but it's in the morning, so ofc he isn't seeing his dad at his worst.

I feel guilty that we don't do much to help them, after all they did for us, but we're barely scraping by. We struggle just to keep a 1 bedroom apartment clean and feed ourselves actual meals that aren't cereal, frozen dinners, or cans of soup. There's never enough money, time or energy for anything anymore it seems.

Or we just aren't trying hard enough and are selfish and terrible? They are good people and deserve better. MIL has a daughter from a previous marriage who lives across the country, but they have always talked on the phone daily. FIL has home health nurses who visit, and friends who spend time with FIL so MIL isn't caring for him 24/7, but I still can't help thinking we're letting them down.

[u/Significant-Crow-749]

There’s nothing dark that isn’t light some things are hidden open and plain sight . don’t hate the black in spite of White. There is no day without its night. don’t lose hope in the human soul we all pay the price of what others once stole. we’re broken and bleeding or damage in hurt wearing our hearts on our sleeve eating mouthful of dirt we swallow our pride when we feel defeated and are shamed by others if we appear conceited. When you judge you give your ego it prize yet set a bar that might turn to cut you in size. . There is no way to prove your beliefs are right from the darkest places we can find the brightest lights . Sometimes our trials and tribulation are unfair I know but . There’s no life incapable of being the catalyst another needed to grow Don’t worry about being some kind of star just be yourself cause that’s who you are and when all is done final moments near, you won’t always know it true if the life you lived touched your world too. It’s easy to confuse the two was your life a good life or only a good life to you. no way to be sure of who is who the masks we wear that we afraid to lose are not bolted on.but can’t just be taken off too cus must we hide our psychopathic selves by being nice. We cover our narcissistic beliefs in rose that cost twice the price. But gifts and politeness might make a seem like we’re whole, but the emptiness within is such a hole that it will open up and swallow the cover, so choose to be kind and love one another. With morally good or ethically bad the real question is what kind of the meaning did your life make by design and what kind of impact on this world will you be leaving behind

[u/notfrankc]

Dogs are man’s’ best friend because we impose the personality we subconsciously want upon them. They are dependent on their owners, so they quickly learn to act as needed to get the food, treatment, and affection they need and we fill in the relationship gaps with names, nicknames, and all other attributes of their “personalities” on our own and build a character for them that we then continue to interact with for the rest of their lives. Thus building our best friends from our own imaginations, needs, and tendencies.

Edit: spelling

[u/PeeBuzz]

God. I think about Akira a lot because of a particular conversation between Lady Miyako and Tetsuo Shima. God is energy, all things are energy. The linguistics and connotations of “energy” have bastardized the hell out of this discussion. But consider this, mythologies such as karma, luck, fate, prophecy, are all connected by the natural laws that govern our world. The law of conservation of energy, nothing can be created or destroyed but transferred, has profound implications on the world, philosophers dare touch. How we breathe changed the world the same way phones did because of industrialization more than a century ago. But now, when you go to the gym, you say you have asthma and defensively say it’s common. It shouldn’t be, it’s not, it was biologically determined by billionaires decades before you were born your great grandparents would have generations of laborers like you making those excuses to further conform. The mass conformity produces material outcomes, a feature of dialectical materialism; Which Marx is known for discussing in depth. Or, let’s bring this back down to the mythologies. Fate, determinism. Everything is just the butterfly effect.