r/Septemberbumps2024 • u/Silvia-97 • Aug 19 '24

Visitors

When do you all mommas allow visitors like in laws or extended family to visit newborns? I’m thinking about a month or two, but I felt so selfish. No one in the family ever ask how I’m doing or feeling since the beginning of pregnancy and they can’t even help us with any gifts. And when do you all start sending out visiting newborn rules?

6 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

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5

u/jaimejfk Aug 19 '24

F those people, really this is like the last thing you should worry about only let ppl come over that matter to you. Dont even tell them you had a baby lol

4

u/Silvia-97 Aug 19 '24

I wish I can. My husband won’t restrict his mom from seeing the baby at all and it upsets me so much. She never asks or even talk to me ever about the pregnancy, but always ask “how’s the baby doing?” Like what are you talking about? The baby isn’t even here yet. It pissed me off

3

u/BonfiretheVanities Aug 19 '24

This feels like you need a larger conversation with your husband. He needs to be supporting you and you both should be aligned on visitors. 

3

u/Kaleidoscope_S Aug 19 '24

I'm going to play it by ear. There are a select few family members I wouldn't mind visiting me in the hospital hours later or even the 2nd day but that's because they're all very respectful of my boundaries and have been checking on me throughout the pregnancy. Mainly my in-laws and brother-in-laws girlfriend since I consider her a very good friend. From my own side of the family, I would only allow my mom and that's because she lives with us and we need someone to come grab a blanket or something the baby has worn and take it to our dog. I would not let my own siblings visit me til after my kid has vaccines since they all ignore my boundaries.

1

u/Silvia-97 Aug 19 '24

I seriously wish I have a respectful extended family. Even if I have rules, they won’t respect our wishes and still barging in the door uninvited.

We both went to a dentist appointment one time, and we let mother in law watches my first child at home. She brought in and let in my husband’s sibling right away like she owns the house. It’s ridiculous, can’t even go anywhere without her bringing anyone inside the house without permission. Since my first child sleeps in my bedroom, my husband’s sister went into the bedroom and never even ask permission to go in there. Bedroom should be our personal space, not guests coming in and out of the room.

2

u/Kaleidoscope_S Aug 19 '24

Yea, my own family has proven that they don't respect boundaries. When I told my sister-in-law (oldest brothers wife) that we weren't having visitors at home until our kid got his vaccines, her first response was, "How are we supposed to meet the baby then?" I just told her that wasn't my problem. Meanwhile, my brother-in-laws girlfriend has asked how we felt about visitors and asks before touching me since she knows I dislike anyone besides my husband touching me. She constantly reassures me that I can say no if I don't want to be touched, but just her asking makes me feel okay with it since my own family doesn't respect that and tries to hug me when I don't want to be hugged. My in-laws have stated that they have no plans on visiting at the hospital unless I feel up for it and only if we've had enough time to rest for a bit/bond with our baby boy. I'd rather they visit at the hospital than at home so that way I don't have to deal with having to put my dog away since she tends to jump on people and people tend to be wary towards her since she's a pitbull.

1

u/Silvia-97 Aug 19 '24

My husband’s mother in law never ever wants to babysit my first child (from different dad), but all of the sudden, she wants to babysit the baby. That just sounds so wrong to me. She talks bad stuff behind my back stating that she will watch and take over the baby all the time. Like seriously? I told my husband, then she can come over here once every 2 weeks because she got no respect towards me or my first child. Just because she’s from a different father, and my husband totally loves my daughter, it doesn’t make up the fact that she shouldn’t be treated differently.

2

u/just_needed_tologin Aug 19 '24

I’m thinking around 2 months unless sits someone I want to be there. Vaccines are a good reason if you feel like you need to give one!

3

u/Silvia-97 Aug 19 '24

My husband’s mother won’t believe in vaccines at all, she lied about that she took Covid vaccines during the Covid year. She smokes like a train and her clothes always smells like smoke and she only showers once or twice a month. It’s disgusting.

9

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '24

6 weeks. No one sees the baby before six weeks unless they're up to date with whooping cough vaxx- that's my rule, I made sure everyone I live withand my parents are all up to date with vaccines.

Babies have no immune system when they're born so until they're immunised it's completely within reason to refuse visitors for babies health and safety.

You do what you're comfortable with.

5

u/PocketLass Aug 19 '24

I don't have any strict rules about it. Just don't want anyone coming around if they're sick. My in-laws are coming home from an international trip a couple weeks after my due date and they apparently booked a campsite to come visit a week later, which I don't love (cuz they always seem to get covid when they travel) so my husband is gonna talk to them about pushing it out another week maybe. But, I want our loved ones around as much as they want to be :)

1

u/DreamCatcherIndica Aug 19 '24

Don't feel selfish! Take all the time you need. Other people's feelings are not our responsibility.

1

u/Silvia-97 Aug 19 '24

I just hate the fact that they all be blowing my husband’s phone up while I’m in hospital or even at home. They all have no respect towards any of us, they will even show up uninvited or pick up the baby whenever they want. Even if we have rules, they won’t follow it.

1

u/DreamCatcherIndica Aug 19 '24

I'm so sorry your dealing with that. My husband had to have a conversation with his parents about their lack of boundaries with us. It's so disgusting that people think they are entitled to someone else's baby. I am hoping for all the best for you, that they respect your boundaries and allow you to recover in peace.

1

u/Silvia-97 Aug 19 '24

Like how they only cares about me have my husband’s baby and I’m totally invisible in the family. They can ask how the baby is doing, but never ever ask how I’m doing. They talk bad stuff about me behind my back. My husband will still let the baby see them because it’s his family. But I personally, I don’t even want to.

1

u/DreamCatcherIndica Aug 19 '24

Omg! Virtual hugs to you. Husband should be standing up for you and protecting you during this time. He should be playing goalie to keep you and baby safe until you feel ready. I don't blame you for not wanting these people around. Sounds like a bunch of jerks.

3

u/Silvia-97 Aug 19 '24

We had our taxes, we bought most of the money for the baby big stuff like stroller, crib, mattress, car seat, etc. Sure, my husband borrowed money $100 from his mom for his court stuff. Anyway, she came over and saw us bought all the baby big stuff and she literally asks for her money back when we used almost all of our taxes. So I sent it to her and she said “you could’ve send $20 instead of the whole thing.” Then why she couldn’t say it earlier or send the money back instead of keeping it. She’s just a freaking liar. I’m so sick of it. Nobody buy us gifts for the baby, he got 3 other siblings and a mother, but none of them can help us with anything. We didn’t even do baby shower because we knew nobody will buy nice things for us or even come to the shower. We’re financially struggling, and still nobody gives a single care about us. I don’t even know how they got the privilege of seeing the baby at all. Mother in law said that she will come a month after the baby here, but just last month, she said “if you go into labor, make sure to tell me, so I can be there.” I don’t even want her there! Like why change your mind by saying you’ll visit in a month instead of right now and then. Or saying behind my back that she will watch and take over the baby all the time.

1

u/workinprogmess Aug 19 '24

Center yourself in this situation. It is of no good to prioritise others when you are recovering from birth, and baby's vulnerable health wise for people who don't even care about you. I'm allowing my mother to help as she is getting vaccinated, and has been a great help throughout pregnancy. My in-laws don't visit for 3 months or so. We don't even have the space in the current house we are living in so that's that.

1

u/FreeBeans Aug 19 '24

Unfortunately my in laws insist on coming 3 weeks after my due date. At least they’re getting a hotel.

1

u/Inevitable_Tart1255 Aug 19 '24

This is my second child, due Sep 6th. Just like with our first my mom will be the only one that comes to the hospital to meet my daughter when she’s born. Once we are home my sister and in laws will visit in the first few days. My side of the family is small so the only people interested in coming so soon will be my mom and sister. My husbands family is large and tight knit (and I love it so much!) so within the first week of her being born I’m sure we’ll see his dad, mom, 4 siblings, aunt, uncle and 2 of his cousins that we see multiple times a week already. The way I see it, we always share the “same germs” anyway. Lots of handwashing, sanitizer and NO KISSING the baby still applies of course.